Grazed Knees
by tinytots
Summary: Series 4, Ebony and Jay have fled the City and bumped into Amber and the Eco's on the way. Despite Ambers presence, Ebonys never been so happy and in love. Then she sees Jay and Amber kissing at the camp... Where does she go from here? Jebony & Jacony
1. Chapter 1

Set near the end of series four. What if Ebony saw Amber and Jay kissing at the Eco Camp? How would it change things in the fight against Ram and will Ebony ever forgive Jay? Read and see :D

Ebony hummed absently to herself as she made her way through the forest picking up bits for dry wood and brush for the fire as she went

Ebony hummed absently to herself as she made her way through the forest picking up bits for dry wood and brush for the fire as she went. As a rule she wasn't much for manual labour; especially when it meant gathering wood for those tree-hugging Eco's. Ebony was not a nature girl, not even a tiny bit, but for once she really didn't mind the chore she was doing.

The Eco Tribe had done more for her in the last couple of hours than she would have ever done for any of them in a lifetime; it was quite humbling. And for once she was in a very good mood. Ebony couldn't remember being this happy for a long, long time. She was finally with Jay, the man of her dreams; who she loved and knew he loved her back.

Ebony smiled happily as she watched a grey squirrel bound across a long tree branch and jump successfully into the next tree. As a city girl she didn't particularly enjoy being in the middle of the forest but all this nature couldn't bother her now. It was necessary of course – the city was no longer a safe place for her or Jay.

It felt strange to her to realize that she wasn't going to be living in the filth of that city anymore; with its constant battles for power and control. Now, she could live free and happy with Jay; they could find somewhere, anywhere, and live their whole lives together. And maybe they would have children; little Ebonys and little Jays running around the place – maybe a cat too, who knew?

Ebony giggled to herself as her imagination ran wild. She frowned slightly as she remembered what they might have to face before any of those dreams could come true. It all came back to Ram - Ram; the leader of the Technos and until very recently Ebony's husband.

She had always wanted Jay. Almost from the very first moment she saw him. Not the very first moment because at that point she'd wanted to strangle him for invading her city. But after that, she'd known that they were meant to be together. Then, as was rather common in Ebony's life, someone had come along and spoiled it all; Ram. Ram, was the leader of Jay's tribe 'The Technos', he was a genius who could do anything he wanted with a computer. He created a scene in virtual reality of her beloved Jay kissing Amber; her worst enemy. She immediately assumed that it was real and finished with Jay; accepting Ram's proposal of marriage for revenge

Ebony sighed in regret at the memory. She sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree, deposited her bag of wood beside her and rested for a moment. 'I wasted so much time that I could have spent with Jay because I believed Ram' she thought, scowling in disgust at how she could have ever trusted that creep over Jay. It relieved her to know that she had finally gotten wise to what Ram had done and managed to save what she had with Jay. 'It was the best decision I ever made apologising to Jay,' she thought happily. 'And I'm not one for apologies!'

She twisted a stray braid around in her fingers. She was surprised that after everything her and Jay had been through they were finally at the point where they were free to roam the world together. Ebony found that she didn't usually have much luck with men and was pleasantly surprised that this time, things were going exactly how she wanted them to. Her and Jay had had to flee the city; both running from Ram's incurable wrath. He'd sent many of his Technos after them, and that's how they had ended up here at the Eco Camp.

The only downside that Ebony could see in their current situation was the inescapable bane of her existence; Amber.

Yes, they were safe, warm and well fed while staying with the Ecos but Ebony had to put up with Amber constantly flirting with Jay and it was making her sick. 'She is driving me insane! Trying to fool Jay into thinking she's not a nasty little cow and trying to get her claws into him like she did with Bray.' Ebony thought; clenching her fists in anger.

She scowled irritably as she remembered Amber flashing baby Bray in her face like having Bray's child was some kind of trophy. Ebony really didn't care much now... Bray had chosen Amber and so Ebony had banished them both from the city to get him back. She was over Bray and wasn't especially bothered now that Amber had had Bray's baby. Ebony had Jay and Jay loved her in a way that Bray never had.

Looking at Jay holding Baby Bray in his arms staring down into the child's eyes has stirred up feelings in Ebony that she hadn't thought she'd ever feel. It was a perfect picture, Jay was everything she loved in a man; he was powerful and authoritative but also caring and sweet and kind and just plain wonderful. And he was hers; her man. A feeling of warming happiness swelled inside of her every time she looked at him and seeing him gazing so happily into Baby Bray's little eyes made her want to spend the rest of her life with him; she wanted a family with him.

Here she was, only 18 years old and just looking at Jay holding a child made her want to have children with him right away. She chuckled slightly, fully aware that she was getting ahead of herself. Ebony was a rational girl, well most of the time at least, and knew that having children would certainly have to wait until they found somewhere and got settled down properly; away from Ram. And Amber.

The happy feeling inside of her burst sharply and was replaced with burning anger in its place as she remembered that she still had to get Jay away from the evil blonde tramp. The thing that was really getting to Ebony was the way Amber kept giving Baby Bray to Jay to hold and cosying up to him like Jay was hers and they were a perfect little family. Amber had even turned to her and said gloatingly 'He'd make a wonderful father wouldn't he?' She had wanted to pound Amber's face into the dirt. But unfortunately Jay wouldn't have approved, or even understood. He didn't get why Ebony didn't want him near Amber when they were back in the city and wouldn't understand now. He didn't understand that Amber was a deadly, slimy viper who always wanted to strike at the things Ebony loved the most.

Ebony unclenched her fists and stretched her arms above her head in an effort to release some of the tension that Amber always instilled in her. Sometimes just the mention of that devious little wolf in sheep's clothing's name was enough to cause Ebony's muscles to coil and her fists to clench.

She looked down at the bag of wood that she had collected. 'The Eco's are probably wondering where this has gotten too' she murmured to herself. She grabbed the bag in her hand and pulled herself up off of the tree stump.

'Hmm...' She thought 'Now which way do I go to get back...' She looked around her turning in a full circle trying to remember which way she had come; and saw nothing but tree after tree. 'God damn, this is why I hate nature, everything looks the same' she complained out loud. She searched the floor in an attempt to locate her own footprints and follow them back the way she had come but the forest floor was far too dry for her leather clad feet to have made an impression.

'Grrrr' she growled, 'How could Jay have made me stay here with these tree huggers in the middle of nowhere? And how could he have let me come out here gathering wood all alone?' She knew the answer to both of those questions: Amber. But she was already far too angry at being lost in the stupid forest to begin dwelling on her boyfriends annoying habit of believing Amber was a nice person who he could spend time with without her trying it on.

She stood rooted to the spot, not really knowing what to do with herself. She figured that it was probably best not to try wondering around aimlessly picking any direction; she could end up miles away from camp. She practically jumped out of her skin when there came a deafening rumble of thunder from overheard. It was so loud that Ebony was sure it had made the trees around her vibrate. She looked up at the sky and saw that the clouds had turned a steely grey and in no time at all it began to drizzle with rain all around her.

'Great! That's just great!' she shouted, angrily kicking the tree stump she'd been sat on. She couldn't believe she was stuck in the middle of the forest with a storm coming on. Ebony would never admit it to anyone but she was very frightened of thunder and lightning; she always had been from being a child and she did not fancy being stuck out here in the open once the storm really hit.

'Wait!' she exclaimed, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She remembered Trudy telling Jay that if he got lost in the woods all he needed to do was follow the river down into the valley and he would find his way back to camp. Of course Trudy hadn't been kind enough to share that information with Ebony before she'd headed out. In fact, Trudy had said to her 'Don't get lost' in a rather smug voice as Ebony had left. Luckily for Ebony Trudy couldn't resist showing off to everyone, Jay included, how well she knew the countryside now that she was no longer a city girl like Ebony.

'Right' now all I have to do is find the river...' Ebony said, squeaking as another clap of thunder boomed above her head. She heaved the bag of wood over her shoulder, making sure that the flap was tightly shut so that the rain didn't get in and ruin the dry wood, and began walking. She wasn't particularly good at navigation but she knew that the river Trudy had mentioned ran through the middle of two sloping hills and so set off in the direction that the ground dipped downwards.

Sure enough after only five minutes of walking the trees began to become less dense and she could see the river down the sloping green grass. As she reached the river she looked up and down it both ways. To her right the river sloped upwards towards the mountains and to her left it travelled gently downwards. She breathed a sigh of relief and wiped some rain off of her face with the back of her hand. She turned left and relaxed, knowing that soon she'd be back in Jay's arms cuddling up warm and dry inside their tent.

She walked at a relatively fast pace. Ebony hated the rain almost as much as she hated thunder and lightning, not because it frightened her but because it was annoying; she was soaking wet and her leather clothes were not meant for these kind of conditions. It wasn't raining particularly hard but the water collecting on leaves in the trees above her was forming big fat droplets which kept falling inconveniently on top of her and dripping down her back making her shiver with cold.

Ebony kind of wished that she'd accepted Amber's offer to borrow one of the Eco's big fur lined coats, but it had been relatively warm when she had set off and she hadn't really wanted to accept anything from Amber anyways. If Ebony was proud of being better than Amber at anything, it was her ability not to rely on others. Amber had always needed people, worn her heart on her sleeve. 'And that's why she's weak' Ebony muttered, bracing herself against the wind as goose bumps erupted all over her body. Only Jay got to see Ebony's heart.

Jay. The one thought that could warm Ebony as she walked through the wind and the rain with only her red cropped bodice on and her thin leather pants. He was everything she would ever need. She smiled a wide, happy smile and decided she would tell him that when she saw him. She was close now; she could hear voices and smell food and burning firewood.

She moved through the remaining trees to get to camp. She began falling back into the role of city Ebony, walking like she owned the place and like she wasn't fazed one bit by the fact that she was freezing her butt off in the rain. Amber had to be reminded who she was dealing with after all.

As she strutted towards camp she began to be able to see snatches of the camp through the leaves.

She stopped and smiled blissfully as she caught a glimpse of white blonde spiky hair through the trees. She'd been planning on taking the wood she'd collected straight to that Hawk guy but the wonderful temptation that was Jay lured her into walking in his direction instead of the direction of Hawks tent.

She could see Jay better now, as she moved closer, pushing leaves out of her way as she went. She could see him talking passionately about something but couldn't see who he was talking to. She stopped and allowed herself several seconds to just... watch him. The man she loved was truly beautiful.

Suddenly he leaned forward out of her line of sight between the leaves. She couldn't help smiling at her own school girl desire to simply look at him from afar. She eased forward slowly, not wanting him to catch her and moved the remaining leaves out of her way.

Her smile dropped away from her face like a plane falling out of the sky. Tears sprang to her eyes as the bag of wood that she'd been carrying slipped from her grip and landed on the soft, wet ground.

There was Jay, her true love, the man she loved more than anything she'd ever known. And he was kissing Amber.

Slowly and tenderly, the way he had kissed Ebony so many times. It was like time had slowed down almost to a standstill... and Ebony stood there... watching him kiss Amber... her Jay, her love... kissing... HER.

Ebony felt her heart breaking inside of her, shattering into a million tiny pieces. As tears rolled down her cheeks faster and faster, she felt her chest tighten and she couldn't breathe. Everything hurt, her whole body hurt with grief; the grief of losing something so precious to something so evil. It was like being on fire; every inch of her skin was burning, burning with the ache of betrayal.

She was unable to drag her eyes from the horror of what she was watching. A sob escaped her without her permission. She couldn't bare this pain any longer but she couldn't move. She was trembling, all over; she couldn't control herself as she brought a shaking hand up to her mouth in an attempt to stifle the sound of the sobs that were now forcing their way out of her, wracking her body.

She closed her eyes, the image of what she had just seen burnt on the inside of her eyelids, as the familiar pain of losing a lover to that _witch_ washed over her once more. Only this time it was much, much worse; she had really loved Jay. Her knees were shaking and gave out from under her. She fell to the floor, defeated, broken at the base of a tree. Tears were burning her eyes, streaming down her face and mingling with the rain. She couldn't quite believe what was happening. She opened her eyes, tears blurring her vision, to see if it was really real.

She gazed across the campsite, her tear-filled green eyes locked with the most beautiful chocolate brown ones she'd ever seen in her life. How she wished she'd never seen those eyes now. The look of absolute horror and guilt on Jay's face as he realised that she'd seen what he'd done made Ebony cry harder.

'Ebony...' she saw him whisper as his eyes filled with tears.


	2. Chapter 2

Ebony's heart squeezed painfully when she saw him push Amber away and get unsteadily to his feet. She didn't want this confrontation to come.

As Jay staggered across the campsite, through the rain towards her, Ebony began to shrink away from his oncoming presence. The look of guilt in his eyes was more than she could bear. 'If he feels guilty,' she thought sadly, 'then he wanted it to happen; it wasn't an accident'.

Thoughts and images of Jay wanting Amber more than he'd ever wanted her flooded her head. She felt her insides clench together as she realised that every paranoid thought, about her boyfriend and that evil, evil witch, that she'd entertained and then quickly dismissed in the last 24 hours had been right on target. She couldn't do this. Seeing the man she loved kissing Amber, AGAIN, had been wounding enough. Ebony knew that if she heard those words come out of Jay's mouth it would destroy her. She wouldn't let him tell her that Amber was better than her, that he loved her more and wanted to be with her. She didn't need to hear it; she already knew it to be true; Amber always won.

So Ebony decided to run. For the first time in her life, Ebony would run away from a fight.

Jay was only steps away from her now. He'd already began to open his mouth to tell her what she knew would only be a stream of ridiculous apologies and excuses. Followed by the inevitable; he was in love with Amber. He'd barely even gotten out her name before she scrambled up from her position on the floor and ran as fast as she could away from him.

God he was beautiful. Even when he was crawling up to her on his belly to apologise for a most unforgivable act, he was so very beautiful. Just looking at him in that split second she'd decided to run away from him had broken her heart all over again.

The rain splashed downwards and mingled with her tears as she ran through the forest at full speed, branches snagging at her clothes and wet leaves whipping her body as she darted past them. She barely noticed the trees or the rain; she didn't care where she was going or where she would end up. She had nothing left to care about, not one thing. Even the thunder bellowing above her and the lightning attacking the ground with jagged bolts of electricity didn't scare her now. How could anything scare her now, after her worst nightmare had come true right before her eyes?

The wind and the rain roared through the trees, deafening her. The storm was definitely getting close now but Ebony kept running. She needed to be as far away from Jay and Amber as possible, she needed to run somewhere so far away that she could- 'Uumphff!' Ebony screamed as she thumped down to the ground after suddenly tripping over.

She'd hit the soft wet earth with surprising speed and her entire left side seared with pain. She tried to pick herself up but her hands slipped in the sodden mud and she fell back to the ground. Ebony let out a frustrated sob. 'When did I get so gad damn pathetic' she thought, furious with herself for allowing a fall in the mud to get to her so much. 'Get up right now Ebony' she said to herself through clenched teeth. Once again she used her hands to pull herself out of the wet mud on the floor. And once again she slipped back down into the dirt. She burst into fresh tears.

'I can't do anything right' she thought, curling herself up into a ball right there in the mud, shaking violently both from her sobs and the cold that was now seeping into her bones. 'No wonder Jay wanted her!' she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to abate the tidal waves of hurt that kept pounding into her.

'Ebony?' She felt warm hands on her shoulders. She didn't even need to recognise the sweet smell of him, or the tingles that ran through her body every time he touched her to know he was crouched above her. His voice was enough. It hurt her to hear his voice; she'd always loved the sound of his rich, deep voice; but it was no longer hers to listen too. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and tensed her shoulders against his touch.

'Ebony, are you ok?' Jay's voice came from above her; she could hear the worry in it.

She didn't respond other than to open her eyes and nod, she didn't want to talk to him, or look at him or even be near him right now. She needed him to just leave.

Without saying a word Jay lifted her up to a sitting position, and then, with his arms wrapped tightly around her, he pulled her to her feet. He was soaked through; Ebony could feel the goose bumps that covered his skin through the thin, flimsy material of his techno top. He didn't let go of her, even when she raised her head to look at him, he kept his arms tight around her; as though he knew that he would never get to hold her again. 'And he's right' she thought miserably.

She looked up into his chocolate brown eyes and saw the sadness there. 'I should have known he'd be running after me' she thought gloomily 'Why couldn't he just let me leave? Why did he have to make it harder?' She looked away from his eyes and stepped out of his arms, giving him a push away from her which was perhaps a fraction harder than necessary. Jay nodded grimly as though he had expected no different.

'Ebony... I know that you're angry with me' he began hesitantly, shrinking visibly under the severe glare she shot at him. 'Very, very angry,' he amended, 'but you can't stay out here, it's not safe; you must come back to camp'.

Suddenly, somewhere in the middle of Jay's sentence Ebony realised that she was in fact 'very, very angry'. Here she was running away and crying like some snivelling little girl, a girl like... Amber! When all she really wanted to do was punch something. It was like something inside of her had snapped. Her tears stopped flowing almost instantly.

'Don't you dare tell me what to do Jay' she snarled in a voice that dripped with venom.

Jay seemed to shrink even more; it occurred to her that he probably thought she was going to hit him. She laughed out loud, causing Jay to look up at her, his eyes flashing with a mixture of confusion and panic. She could never hit him, even after what he'd done to her; she couldn't bring herself to hurt him. Her laugh turned bitter and angry.

'Ebony,' Jay tried, 'All I'm saying is-'

'I don't want you to say anything Jay. I don't want you to ever speak to me again, do you understand?' She felt her voice grow in strength as she felt red hot fury flowing through her veins.

'But Ebony I-'

'Never again Jay!' she shouted at him. He flinched at her raised voice. She couldn't look at him anymore. If she didn't get away from him she didn't know what she'd do and she didn't want to break down again. She liked the anger that was coursing through her now, it made her feel stronger. And even better, it made her look stronger to Jay. She didn't want him to know what he'd done to her.

With one last look at the man she had loved more than anything in the world, she turned and walked away from him.

She'd taken about eight steps when she heard him shout 'I love you Ebony!' And that was it, the anger making her strong rushed out of her and the tears began falling down her cheeks once more. She stopped in her tracks; her back rigid, not turning to face him.

'Don't lie to me Jay' she murmured softly, too broken hearted to shout at him.

'Im not Ebony. Please, what happened before... It was a mistake' Jay replied, his voice getting louder as he walked towards her. He put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to turn her to face him. She threw off his grasp and whirled around furious again; he always said the stupidest of things.

'A mistake? She asked, her raised voice echoing off of wet trees in the slowly darkening forest. 'A kiss is not a mistake Jay! Kisses happen because the two people want them to happen! You always have a choice and you obviously made yours! She shouted at him.

'I'm sorry' he whispered so quietly she barely heard him 'Im so, so sorry.' He tried to look into her eyes but something in hers made him look away. She wondered if he could see just how much he had broken her when he looked into them.

'I love you Ebony, I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't want for it to happen it just did' He sighed and ran his fingers through his dripping wet hair.

'And you think that's a suitable excuse for what you did do you? 'It just happened' well in that case let's get back together, I completely forgive you!' Ebony shouted sarcastically, laughing her bitter laugh again. 'You know what Jay, when I was in the forest today I was planning our lives together! I loved you so much Jay, so much! I was even imagining what our children would be called!' Her voice broke and fresh tears poured from her burning eyes. 'What a complete fool I am to have thought you felt the same way about me.' She turned away, unable to look at him. She couldn't believe that she'd told him all of the ridiculous girly stuff she'd been thinking that afternoon... but it had been so important to her. And she wanted him to know exactly how much he'd hurt her.

'I do feel the same way about you Ebony. I want a life with you, and children, more than anything' Jay replied quietly. She started in surprise when she heard the crack in his voice. He was crying too. It made her cry harder.

'Well even if you did...' She sobbed, 'It's too late now! You threw it away when you kissed her! You knew what happened with Bray! How could you do this to me Jay? How could you let her do this to me again??

'I'm sorry Ebony I-'

'I don't care if you are sorry!' She yelled, shoving him away from her, hard. 'I am sick to death of wanting to be happy Jay! Everyone else always has these perfect little lives and I'm always the one on the outside just watching, wishing that I could be happy like them. You don't know what that's like' She cried, choking on her tears. 'And then it was all different, for once in my life everything was perfect because I had you.'

She let her rant stop there. She didn't need to add a 'but', she could see that he knew what he had done and he was ashamed of himself. But it wasn't enough. She didn't care that he was sorry. He could spend the rest of his life being sorry and she couldn't forgive him for this.

'Ebony, please don't leave me I love you' He begged. Ebony looked into his sad, tear filled eyes. Her heart ached to pull him close to her and wipe away his tears; to tell him that it was ok and that they would be happy together forever; that they could move on from this. But she knew she couldn't. Not this time. She could have gotten over the little 'crush' she knew he had on Amber; she could have lived with that, even if he'd saved a tiny part of his heart for Amber for the rest of their lives. But not this. Because she knew that this kiss had come from that 'little' crush, and that Jay's feelings for Amber would definitely always be there. This time it was a kiss; next time it would be more than that. And ultimately, Ebony knew that Jay would leave her for Amber. Nice men like Jay always ended up with safe, reliable, nice girls like Amber. 'Not nasty chicks like you' she thought, dragging her eyes away from Jay's.

She took in a deep breath and blew it out again slowly. She was shaking all over from the cold; the rain had soaked right through her clothes to her skin and deep into her bones. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly and whispered; 'I loved you Jay. But I can't love you anymore. I don't want to be with you anymore.'

'What? No, Ebony, we can talk about this, work this out. I mean, you married Ram, and kissed Ram and we got over it. We can fix this Ebony.' Jay said, his voice growing with confidence. 'It'll just take some time'

'No Jay' Ebony declared, furious that he'd compared her sham marriage to Ram to the act of complete betrayal that he'd just performed. 'It will not take time; I refuse to give it any time. You don't deserve my time, do you understand that? I will never forgive you.' She shouted the last phrase with such anger and finality that she knew he'd finally understand.

'But... Ebony...' Jay stammered. He made to move towards her but she stepped deliberately backwards, away from him.

'I'm going Jay. And I don't want you to follow me, do you understand?' Her voice cracked, along with her attempt at being strong about this whole thing. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she realised that this was the last time she'd ever lay eyes on him.

'Ebony, I won't let you go anywhere in this storm. And I will follow you, anywhere you go. I have to, I can't lose you!' Jay cried loudly. He looked at her and she could see that he was telling the truth. It didn't matter anyway; he could follow all he wanted. If Ebony knew nothing else, she knew how to escape; and she would escape Jay. She couldn't allow him to remain in her life; it hurt her now and it would hurt her forever.

'I don't want you to have any of those stupid tree-huggers follow me either. I know how to look after myself Jay; I'm not scared of storms.' She carried on, as though he had not spoken. 'I'm not a pathetic girl who needs your protection; go look after HER. I'm sure she'd rather you were snuggled up in her tent with her than stranded out here with me'

She turned to leave but he grasped her shoulders. 'Ebony you can't go out there by yourself, there might still be Techno's out there! If I can't convince you to stay here with me and work things out,' he sighed sadly and shook his head, 'then at least stay here until morning when you can leave safely'

Ebony hated him for being so sweet and caring. She almost had to remind herself what he'd done to her today to keep herself from jumping into his arms. 'No,' she thought to herself, 'he is a lying cheating scumbag and if he cared about you in the slightest, he wouldn't have kissed that slut this afternoon.' She wrenched herself out of his grip.

'Goodbye Jay. You tell Amber that if I ever see her again, I will kill her for what she did to me today.' She looked coldly into his perplexed brown eyes and ran away from him for the second time that day. She didn't turn back, even when she heard him yelling her name through the roar of the stormy forest.


	3. Chapter 3

Heey guys I know its been a criminal amount of time since my last update! This story has always been floating around in my brain and im going to take advantage of a long summer off and write it up. Here you go: we are in Jay's head for a little while. Hope you like :)

'Ebony!' Jay screamed out, again and again, trying to be heard over the bellowing wind and rain. He strained his eyes to search her out through the shuddering trees and the pouring rain. He couldn't let her go now; not now he'd finally realised just how much he loved her. '_It should not have taken kissing another woman to show you that_!' He inwardly yelled at himself, hating himself for what he'd done.

He darted through the trees, desperately searching for her. He knew it was a lost cause, of course he did; he knew Ebony inside and out; the girl was stealthy and lithe like a cat. If she didn't want to be found; he had no chance of finding her. But he couldn't give up; he couldn't make himself give up on her. Not after what he'd done to her... not after the look in her eyes when she'd told him she would never, ever forgive him.

Jay had never felt more ashamed and remorseful. He couldn't even remember what it was in him that had inspired him to kiss Amber. He didn't love her, he never had. He loved Ebony, he definitely always had. What he had had with Ebony was, simply put, breathtaking. She was so incredibly passionate; when she had told him that she loved him he could almost feel her insatiable and unbreakable adoration resonating in the air between them; crackling like electricity. Nobody had ever loved him like that, and probably never would ever again. _'I can't believe you threw it away, you stupid stupid idiot!' _

He stopped running, but only because his body required oxygen to live. He hunched his body over, resting his hands on his knees and breathing raggedly. His eyes burned with hot bitter tears as the gravity of what had just happened swept over him. _'She's never coming back.'_ He sagged to the floor, unable to take the weight of it. He longed to run after her; his heart was screaming at him to get and up find her. But the rational part of his brain knew that she was long gone. If there was anything that Ebony was good at it was running away.

That's it. She was never coming back. And he deserved it; he deserved to be lonely forever. He pressed his face into his knees and drew in an uneven breath. Salty tears fell down his cheeks, burning his freezing cold wet fingers. Rain ran down his face and his body, he was soaked to the bone but he couldn't bring himself to care. He no longer noticed the rain hammering the ground or the deafening thunder cracking overhead. All he could do was sit there and cry over what he'd lost. He couldn't even bring himself to be angry; his self loathing was so intense it seeped through him silently, slithering over his other emotions and smothering them until he could feel nothing else. Except the ache of course, the burning tugging ache in his chest, the agonising slow scorching of grief, no that he could feel with excruciating clarity. He focused on the pain, letting it flood his body; he deserved to feel this.

It was only when someone grabbed hold of his shoulder that he even remembered where he was. He jerked his head up to see Hawk looking down at him; his face a mixture of annoyance and sympathy.

'I found him.' Hawk yelled. His voice sounded muffled and distorted in Jay's ears, like he was listening to Hawk from under water. Five more members of the Eco Tribe ran over to where they were forming a semi circle around Jay's slumped form. They were all talking at once; Jay couldn't hear what they were saying it sounded like an incessant buzzing. He drifted in and out of paying attention to them, wallowing in his pain felt easier, more necessary.

Hawk knelt down in front of Jay and looked into his eyes, waving a hand slowly across Jay's line of vision. He frowned and shook his head with a sigh. He stood up then, dragging Jay up with him by clamping his hands around his biceps.

'You've been out here too long; its too cold.'

Jay could feel that Hawk was supporting most of his weight. Hawk set of at a slow half walk, half drag. Jay found himself fumbling with numb feet and deadweight legs to stay upright. But he didn't want to leave the forest.

'No,' he protested, in a voice that sounded far away to his own ears, 'No, I have to stay here, I have to wait.'

Hawk dragged Jay's arm across his shoulders and dragged Jay further along the forest trail through the downpour. 'She's gone Jay.' Hawk sighed. 'We would have found her if she were still out here.'

Jay stuck his feet into the ground stubbornly. 'No.' He muttered hardly hearing himself. 'She's like a cat... you wouldn't find her.' He looked at Hawk defiantly. Hawk in return eyed one of the men walking behind them. Jay felt another pair of hands around his arms, dragging him with Hawk through the forest.

'What -, no' Jay sputtered.

Hawk turned to him, irritation and impatience sparking in his voice. 'Jay, I believe you are in either the first or second stages of hypothermia. Either you will walk back to the camp or you will be dragged; but either way you will be returning to that camp tonight. It is not safe for you to be out here'.

Jay's felt all the resistance flee his body at Hawks words, and he was easily towed along from there. '_Not safe'._ Hawk was right, it wasn't safe out here in this weather, he himself had said so to Ebony. _'And now she's out there all alone, with no one searching for her.' _

He wanted to pull away from Hawk and the other men; to run out into the cold and violent storm and protect her from harm. But his body was not responding to his commands, his hands trembled violently, his fingers numb and white. His legs felt like they were made of steel, heavy and immobile. He couldn't go anywhere if he tried; his rational mind accepted what Hawk had said about the cold. He just couldn't let go of the need to protect her; even though it was him that had driven her away.

He saw the trees thin out into the campsite the Eco's had set up for the time being. With dismay he remembered that Amber would be here, probably worried about him as well. He didn't want to see her; he just couldn't deal with seeing her concerned face there where Ebony's should be. _'You did this to yourself.'_ He reminded himself bitterly.

Hawk and the other Eco men half carried him to a tent near the centre of the camp where the biggest campfires were. He felt eyes on him as he travelled through the camp but he didn't even look up after a blurry scan of the camp told him Ebony had not returned. Looking down into the dirt was better than looking out at a place where she should be, but wasn't.

Once in the tent, Hawk discretely helped him out of his soaking wet clothes and instructed that he wrap himself in blankets and stay exactly where he was until the storm was over. Hawk turned to leave. Jay reached for his arm. 'Thank you. You had no reason to help me but you did.'

'You're welcome.' Hawk grunted, looking slightly abashed as he left the tent.

Jay slept then. Not comfortably, or soundly, but he slept. His slumber was invaded by dreams of Ebony wondering through the dark, bitterly cold woods, alone and frightened. He awoke in cold sweats more times that he could count.

He eventually gave up on sleep around dawn. The camp was quiet, the rain had finally stopped. The only noises came from the morning birdsong and the crackling embers of burnt out camp fires. Someone had hung his clothes to dry by one of the fires. He shoved them on quickly, thankful that the Eco's were such good, kind people.

He sat down and poked at the glowing embers of the fire sending brilliant orange flutters into the air . He knew he had to go any find Ebony. '_Last night will not be the last time I hold her in my arms.' _He promised himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He hadn't been strong enough last night. He should have tried harder to convince her to stay, to hear him out, and to maybe forgive him. He hadn't been able to though, because he'd known that he didn't deserve anything from her. But the morning was here, and with it a new perspective.

Jay had messed up big time, he knew that. And he knew Ebony; she wouldn't ever forgive him. But god damn it, he would find her. He would make sure that she was safe and protected. He would explain to her how sorry he was, how hurting her had torn jagged, bleeding holes in his soul. He would tell her that no matter how much she hated him, be it for the rest of their lives, he is and always will be irrevocably in love with her. She was his Ebony, and despite the fact he had been stupid not to realise what he had before it was gone, he needed her to know that she would always be his wonderful, beautiful, fiery, amazing Ebony.

Footsteps approached him from behind; snapping twigs and mashing sodden leaves into the dirt. He didn't have to look up to know who it was.

'I appreciate that yesterday wasn't your fault, it was entirely mine. But I have nothing to say to you right now. I don't have anything... good to say.' He trailed off, unable to vocalise just how much he couldn't deal with her and what she had to say.

'Jay...' Amber began, delicately sitting down next to him, sitting further away from him than she normally would. 'Is Ebony... gone?'

Jay dug his fists into the soft ground. It hadn't been said yet, not yet in the harsh light of day when it could only be the absolute truth. He pushed his breath out through his teeth. 'Yes.' Was all he said.

'Oh.' She was silent for a moment, fiddling with the grass growing next to the dying fire. 'I.. I'm very sorry Jay. I feel terrible for what we did'.

He looked at her properly for the first time since she's come over. She looked as if she'd gotten about as much sleep as him. He felt some tension ease from his back and neck muscles. He'd assumed she was going to act flirty with him, like she had been yesterday. But here she was looking just as upset as him. He supposed that she felt like their kiss had been a betrayal to Bray too. He could understand that. He could also deal with this version of Amber; the one that didn't make every sentence out of her seemingly innocent mouth sound like a little dig at Ebony.

'It... was clearly a mistake.' He said. He gave her a small tight smile; an indication that he didn't blame her for what had happened. 'I'm going to find her.'

She didn't look in the least bit surprised. She nodded slowly. 'Let Hawk and his men return first. They patrol the area every morning, but after the Technos coming so close to camp yesterday they are being extra cautious. Hawk won't let anyone leave camp until he's done a sweep of the woods.'

He huffed impatiently. Hawk really was a decent guy, he highly prized the safety of everyone, even people who weren't part of his tribe. However nothing was stopping Jay from leaving the camp this morning.

'How long will it take them?' He asked her; knowing full well that whatever her answer was he was leaving in half that time.

'About as long as it will take for you to pack supplies and get properly ready to head off out there.' She replied, looking out over to where the sun rose over the rows and rows of emerald green trees. 'They headed out about ten minutes ago.' She added when she saw his look of annoyance.

'I don't... I don't even know where to look for her.' He admitted with a soft sigh. He brought his leg up and rested his forehead on his knee. He knew Ebony, he did. But he knew her in the city. Out here in the wilderness, he had no idea where she would go.

'She won't go back you know.' Amber said, startling him. He hadn't expected her to venture any information on where Ebony might go. He'd pretty much gotten the message by now that Amber and Ebony loathed each other.

'You mean back to the city?' He asked her.

'Yeah, she knows that's the first place you would look for her so she'll head in the opposite direction.' She continued to stare over at the sunrise. 'Which is North by the way' She added when she saw him trying to work out which way the opposite direction of the city was. He was about to thank Amber when she said. 'She finally got out of there Jay... She'd never go back to the city again unless she absolutely had to.'

Jay thought about it and realised she was right. _Perhaps in all the time they've spent hating each other they have come to know each other. _Jay mused.

He left Amber by the fires and went back to the tent that he and Ebony had been given when they'd first arrived. '_Only yesterday_.' His stomach clenched painfully when he saw some of Ebony's things were still in the tent. He picked up the blue shirt she'd stolen off of the scarecrow. It didn't smell pleasant; they had rubbed manure all over it to disguise their scents. But he held it close to him anyway. It was proof that she'd been with him just hours ago and it abated the feeling that he'd already lived years without her. His eyes filled with unshed tears as he gripped the stinky cloth. This was all he had left of her; this is all he would ever have because he'd burnt every bridge.

'Amber!' Hawks voice carried across the camp.

Jay smiled with relief; if Hawk was back that means he could get on the road.

'Amber!' Jay's smile dipped when he heard the urgency in Hawk's voice; the fear. If there's one thing he learned from being a general of the Techno army, it was how to read a man's voice. To hear what he was really saying underneath his words. Hawk had seen something out in the woods. He froze when he heard Hawk and his men come to a stop just behind his tent. He heard Amber rush up to them.

'What? What is it? Is it the Technos?' She lowered her voice and Jay strained to hear. 'Are they near the camp?'

'Where is Jay?' Came Hawk's gruff response. Surprised to hear his name, Jay gripped the blue shirt tighter, dread building in the pit of his stomach.

'Jay? I don't know... He's gathering supplies. He's heading out to go and find Ebony today.'

'He won't find her.'

Jay sucked in a breath. His legs wouldn't support him; they were trembling. He fumbled his way out of the tent. The ground seemed uneven; he couldn't breathe properly. Why? Why wouldn't he be able to find her?

Hawk looks up in surprise as Jay approaches their group. On seeing Jay's face, he gets right to the point.

'We found her, she was asleep, taking shelter under a hickamae tree.' He looked genuinely sorrowful at having to deliver this news to Jay. Jay felt tears were already running down his face. He didn't care about wiping them away.

'Then why isn't she with you?' Jay whispered; his heart tight and painful in his chest. Amber put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed tightly.

Hawk bit his lip. 'We were about to wake her, to bring her back... Then they came. There were too many of them. I'm so sorry Jay, we wanted to save her, there was just too few of us.'

Jay couldn't speak. He swayed slightly, his legs almost buckling on him. That was it then; she was gone. His beloved, beautiful girl, she was dead. And it was all his fault.

'Who came? What happened Hawk?' Amber demanded, her fingers digging painfully into Jay's shoulder.

'The Technos. The ones who came for them before.' He turned back to Jay. 'The ones that came to take you back to Ram. They got her. She fought like... like a warrior. But they stunned her and took her away.'

It took Jay a moment to process what he's just been told. _Stunned. Taken away. Not dead... not dead... She's not dead!_

'Oh my god.' A relieved sob escaped his mouth. 'She's not dead' he whispered, savouring the feel of those words in his mouth. Those would be his mantra. He would keep telling himself that in every step forward he took to save her.

'Which way did they take her?' Jay demanded. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and drew himself up to his full height. His legs were steady now. He was ready.

Hawk recognised Jay's new stance and mimicked it accordingly. Jay recognised this as a gesture of comradeship; Hawk would follow him into battle.

Hawk looked Jay dead in the eyes. 'The City. They took her back to the City.'


	4. Chapter 4

'Jay, you can't do this!' Amber complained as she removed the blanket and canned food he had just stuffed into his backpack.

'Amber,' Jay said patiently, picking up the blanket and canned food and placing them back into the backpack. 'I have to do this. It's not my fault Hawk and his men want to come too, I didn't ask them to.'

Amber huffed and stepped out his way as he came out of his tent with his arms full of more things to go in the back pack. He wasn't particularly looking at what he was packing into it; he was going through the motions. All he wanted to do was get after the Technos that had taken Ebony.

'They are honourable men,' she sighed, giving up on the argument. 'There's no way they would let you walk into this fight alone.'

Jay turned to comfort her, to tell her that he would try his best to make sure her men weren't hurt fighting his fight but she interrupted him.

'And neither can I; I'm coming with you Jay.' She folded her arms in a gesture he'd quickly come to realise meant there was no arguing with her.

'But what about Baby Bray? Amber... This isn't going to be a pleasant fight. If we can reach them before they get Ebony back to Ram it won't be as bad, but even then, it's going to be dangerous.' He tried, knowing already that his effort was going to be a waste.

He wanted to know why Amber wanted to risk her life for Ebony, but he wasn't about to ask her; he didn't want to hear that it was because she felt guilty about what they'd done. He couldn't dredge the guilt back up from where he was stuffing it down now. He needed to be clear headed; he could go back to feeling guilty again later once Ebony was safe.

'Fights are never pleasant Jay. I can't wait here while you and half of my tribe are out fighting Technos. Trudy will watch over Bray while I'm gone'. With that she stalked away from him; presumably to go and find Trudy.

Jay sighed; Amber was a great leader; she was strong willed, powerful, formidable even. But he couldn't help but think of her as a young mother who he should be protecting; not dragging into a fight with him. He wasn't in love with Amber; he knew that now. But he still didn't want to see her get hurt. And plus, what would Ebony think when she saw he'd brought Amber along to save her? _'Ugh she'll be furious I allowed Amber to come... But Amber won't be told no... Forget it, I don't care anymore as long as I can get Ebony back.' _

His thoughts and packing were interrupted by angry voices approaching him. He turned and saw Trudy mid rant heading his way with Amber. He gritted his teeth and stuffed everything else he could see in his tent into the backpack. Hoisting it on his shoulders he made to make a quick escape from the oncoming angry women, but didn't quite make it.

'...just ridiculous Amber! Do you honestly think she would do the same thing for you? I doubt it very much! And as for him... well...' Trudy cut off her tirade when she caught sight of him. Instead of being embarrassed at being caught discussing him she turned her rage on him.

'You should be ashamed of yourself. In one night you've managed to turn this tribe upside down! You've put us all in danger by bringing the Technos here and now you want to take away all of our defence and our leader? I don't think so Jay!'

Jay opened his mouth to defend himself but couldn't think of anything to say; she was right. But he hadn't wanted any of this; he would head out right now on his own to go and find Ebony. He was about to explain that when Amber cut in.

'Trudy, calm down. I'll barely be gone a day, and Hawk and everyone will be back before the sundown patrols you'll see. This is something we have to do, if Ram gets Ebony back and makes an example of her, he'll only become more powerful. We have to put a stop to this before it happens. I wouldn't wish Ram's torture on anyone.'

Trudy shot Amber a look that clearly meant 'Not even Ebony?' to which Amber replied 'Not, even Ebony' with a small bemused smile at her best friend.

'But why do we have to get involved, city politics aren't our problem anymore Amber! And in case you have forgotten Ebony has left you to die more than once!' Trudy tried again.

'Trudy, I have to do this ok. I don't expect you to understand. I'll be back before nightfall ok, I promise. Watch over my little boy while I'm gone' She gave Trudy a quick hug. Trudy hugged her back but huffed before she stalked away; after giving Jay a very dirty look.

Amber gave Jay an apologetic look. 'She just wants to keep everyone safe.'

Jay adjusted the straps on his backpack. 'It's ok, you don't have to explain. I appreciate why she's upset. I would be too if someone I barely knew was dragging half of my tribe away to fight a fight that has nothing to do with them.' He phrased his last statement as a question, hoping she might give a little bit away about her motives for coming along. She didn't; she too adjusted her backpack and said to him 'Trudy doesn't always understand leadership' in a very distracted voice, before walking over to the edge of the camp where Hawk and his men were waiting for them. He had no choice but to follow her in silence.

'Time to go,' was Hawk's only greeting before he turned and headed into the forest in a direction Jay had not yet been. He walked behind Amber and the men, deep in thought.

He was so frightened; more frightened than he was willing to show Amber or the rest of them. If Ram got his hands on Ebony... He couldn't bring himself to even think about it. After the stunt they'd pulled, kissing and then waving to him through the camera Ram would not be in a forgiving mood. Ram's punishments for betrayal were the worst of all. Jay couldn't let Ebony take the brunt of it; he wouldn't let that happen.

'Hawk,' he yelled, running to catch up with Hawk who was leading the group through the trees. 'Hawk they are at least two to three hours ahead, we are never going to catch up with them at this speed!' He wouldn't show them how afraid he was, but he couldn't act like he wasn't aching to reach her and to stop the Technos from taking her back.

Hawk looked at him knowingly. 'There were four of them. It will take two of them to carry Ebony and the other two will have to walk at the same pace. The way I'm thinking; we will catch up with them in an hour about twenty minutes if we make good time.'

'Oh, well. Good. What's the plan?' He felt some of the weight fall off his shoulders as the task at hand didn't seem so impossible anymore.

Hawk's face was grim but intense with purpose. 'We make sure they don't hear or see us coming until the very last second.'

Jay nodded in agreement. Surprise would be the best way to attack. 'Ebony mustn't be hurt in the crossfire.'

It was Hawks turn to nod in agreement; he made a signal to everyone to speed up. Jay could feel his heartbeat pulsing through his entire body. He would make sure she was safe. Even if she wouldn't let him touch her or hold her to make sure; he would make damn sure that Ram wasn't going to hurt her.

'A penny for them?' Amber asked him, falling into step beside him. His mind flashed back to a time when Ebony had asked him the same question. Back to a simpler time when life had been much easier; he had fallen in love with Ebony and he'd told her so. For a few short days they'd been happy; until Ram got involved. He'd told her then that his thoughts weren't worth that much and they hadn't been back then. Now he felt like his thoughts carried so much weight that they might actually be worth a penny or two.

He looked at Amber; she was waiting for an answer from him. He sighed deeply and shrugged. 'I'm worried' He said, looking away.

'About the fight?' she probed.

Jay looked out through rows and rows of trees; ever thankful that Hawk was leading the way. He'd have never even known which way to go, never mind the fact that he would have probably ended up getting himself lost.

'No,' he answered. 'The fight is probably the only thing I'm not worried about. I was their general; most of them I personally taught combat to. I know how to beat them, even with their zappers.'

'What then?' She sounded concerned. He must be giving away more in his face than he'd intended to. He couldn't hide his feelings for much longer however; every step closer they got, the more apprehensive he became.

'I'm worried about a lot of things Amber. I'm worried they might have hurt her already, I'm worried we aren't going to catch up in time, or that when we do catch up they will hurt her anyway just to save their own skins.' He sighed deeply and ran his hands through his hair.

'So you're only worried about Ebony then?' She asked. Jay looked up at her in surprise; her face looked soft and calm as she looked back at him but he could have sworn he'd heard bitterness in her voice when she'd said Ebony's name. Part of him flared with anger in response; he'd thought she was over this... thing that they'd had. That she'd realised that she truly loved Bray and that kissing Jay had been a betrayal of that love. He had to make sure she understood.

'Mostly Amber,' he looked right into her eyes, 'I'm afraid. I'm afraid that when the fights over and done with and she's safe she's going to turn and walk away from me and never look back.' He felt a lump rise in his throat and quickly struggled to swallow it back down. He wanted Amber to see just how much he loved Ebony but he didn't need to make a scene.

'She... she saw everything I take it? She wouldn't have run off without a fight if she'd just suspected something was going on.' Amber sighed, looking slightly guiltier than she had before. Jay was pleased; he didn't want to upset her by making her feel guilty, but he wanted Amber to realise that he wasn't going to let go of Ebony just because she had let go of him.

'Yes, she saw everything. Seeing someone you love kissing someone else... Betrayal like that hurts Amber; like a pain sizzling under your skin that you can't soothe. I'm not surprised she ran from me.'

'She betrayed you? When?' Amber was surprised; she looked at him wide eyed.

Jay didn't particularly want to talk about it. It had hurt enough back then and dwelling on what he had felt when Ebony had married Ram and kissed him right in front of him made him feel worse about how Ebony was undoubtedly feeling now.

'What makes you think it was Ebony I was talking about?' He asked in an attempt to be aloof. He bent his head down so as not to hit himself in the face with yet another branch. It would seem the forest wasn't a great place to be for someone as tall as him.

Amber grimaced a little as she said 'You have this... tone of voice when you're talking about her. You talk about her as though she's made of glass and it's your job to make sure she doesn't ever get broken.'

Jay laughed softly. His tough little Ebony made of glass; he'd never heard anything more ridiculous. But when he thought about it; he'd learnt in his first few months in the city that Ebony had been through a lot. He had taken on the job of protecting her; he'd wanted to protect her from the moment he'd pointed his zapper at her in the middle of the night; she'd looked so vulnerable, so afraid. He didn't really understand why, because he knew Ebony could take care of herself better than most, but Amber was right. But Ebony was broken now. Not two days ago he'd promised her he wouldn't ever betray her. He sighed, angry with himself.

'You really love her don't you?' Amber asked him quietly, not looking at him, but focusing on the forest floor.

'I do,' he said in an almost whisper, the smile on his face sad and wistful. 'I really, really do.'

'Then why did you kiss me?' she said, even quieter than before.

Jay hesitated before he answered. He didn't want to hurt her now, especially now she'd left her baby behind at the camp to come and help him. He could only tell the truth however; at this point there was no reason to lie because she would know.

'I honestly don't know,' he answered, feeling ashamed of himself. 'I think maybe because sometimes it seems like you're the only person that shares my dream. But that's not really a good enough reason. I'm sorry Amber.'

She looked at him for a little while, meandering through the roots and branches sticking out of the undergrowth as though she was walking over a completely smooth surface. She thought about it for a long time. 'That's ok Jay. I think that's why I kissed you too.'

Jay almost felt like laughing, but couldn't quite bring himself to after everything that had happened. Instead he placed his hand on Amber's shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze. 'Friends?'

'Friends.' She confirmed with a half smile.

The trees were beginning to thin out around them. Jay thought that this part of the forest might be slightly familiar as he looked around; but he couldn't be certain. He almost bumped into the back of Hawk who had stopped suddenly. Hawk silently waved for them all to get down and hide. Jay moved so that half of his body was covered by a large weathered tree trunk and looked in the direction Hawk was looking.

Through the leaves of the last remaining trees at the edge of the forest Jay could just make out the form of a body slumped in the grass of an open field about thirty meters away from where they were hiding.

Rational thought abandoned Jays mind as fast as it took him to register that there was a body out there. He charged out from behind the tree, almost flooring Hawk as he tried to stop Jay from sprinting past him. Fear grew from the pit of his stomach and spread throughout his entire body making his limbs feel heavy. His heart pounded and his blood rushed in his ears. _'Please don't be her, don't be her.' _He silently begged.

As he approached the body he slowed to a walk. It wasn't her. It was a Techno. Jay looked down at him as Hawk, Amber and the others came up behind him.

'Do you know him Jay?' Amber asked, surprised to see a Techno lying unconscious in the middle of a field.

'Erm... Yeah I think so.' He pulled off the Techno's metal mask. 'His name is Mod. He's infantry level, just a guard.' Jay inspected Mod's face, it was covered in purple bruises and his lip was cut at the corner, leaving a trail of blood running down his chin.

'Who did that to him?' One of Hawk's men asked.

Jay didn't know. 'Maybe the others turned on him? Maybe he said something bad about Ram? After what happened when I tried to take over, I'm pretty sure they'll all be falling over themselves to prove they are still loyal to Ram.'

'No, look!' Amber exclaimed loudly. She pointed and everyone's gaze followed her finger. Not too far away from Mod were the other three Technos who'd taken Ebony; all unconscious and badly beaten.

'If they are all here then where is...' Jay began.

'You don't think Ebony did this to them do you?' Amber interrupted. Her voice was a mixture of surprise and admiration.

Jay looked around at all four Technos, slumped in haphazard shaped on the ground. It certainly looked like there had been a fight; but could his tiny Ebony have done all this? He'd known she was powerful and strong; but he'd never dreamed she could take on four fully armed Techno guards and escape. Although when he thought about it; it was just like her to prove to him how much she didn't need his help to escape.

Hawk was examining the tracks made by the Technos and Ebony on the ground. Jay reached down to touch a footprint that was clearly Ebony's. He bit his lip. Glad as he was that she'd escaped he'd kind of been counting on being able to use saving her life as a means to get her to at least talk to him. And now she was gone. He sighed dejectedly and let himself slump to the floor. This was it; now he had nowhere to go and no one to go there with.

'I think the fight happened about half an hour ago from these gashes in the dirt where they've hit the floor. I don't understand why they'd still be unconscious.' Hawk said puzzled. 'Unless she beat them all with rocks.'

'She probably got a zapper off of one of them. Even on a low setting; you get blasted by one of those things, you're likely to be out for a good five to six hours.' Jay explained, his voice deadpan. He pulled at the grass, unsure of what else to do now.

Hawk stood up and looked over to where Amber was stood over Mod. 'Apparently she just hit that one with a rock.' He smiled slightly as Jay looked up at him confused. 'He's awake look.'

Jay looked over to see Mod trying to get up but being forced back down to the ground by two of Hawks men. Amber now pointed his own zapper at him. Jay leapt to his feet and followed Hawk over towards the others.

Hawks two men moved away from the dazed Techno as Hawk and Jay approached. Mod tried to get up again and Hawk swiftly pushed him back down by shoving his foot into Mod's chest and leaving it there, pinning him to the ground. Jay bent down and got his hands around Mod's collar.

'Where is she?' He demanded, furious that someone like Mod, one of the lowest ranking Technos had thought for a second that he could take Ebony away from him.

'I don't know!' Mod chocked out, looking around the group of people surrounding him. 'We stunned her... But she woke up. She totally floored Tag with one hit, he didn't even have chance to stun her.'

Jay growled at him angrily. Mod's eyes flashed with fear. 'Look I don't know where she went... she can't have gotten far anyways... not after...' All the colour went out of the young man's face as he realised what he'd just said.

Jay's heart skipped a beat, he felt the coldness of dread spread through him. 'After what?' He whispered, his voice tense and course.

'I'm not telling you, you'll kill me! It was an accident!' Tears rolled down Mod's face, he trembled in fear, gazing up at Jay's stone cold expression.

Jay heard someone take a sharp intake of breath behind him. He felt Amber's trembling hand on his shoulder. He couldn't look at her; her fear made him a thousand times more afraid as to what was making her hands shake. It was then when he saw the dried blood all over Mod's hands. And the bloody knife on the ground beside him. Jay felt the world go black around him.

'What did you do to her?' He whispered fury and hatred twisting his voice. All he could do was stare madly at Ebony's precious blood, staining the Techno's hands.

His hands tightened around Mod's neck, the muscles in his arms locked. His fingers closed, pressing down tightly. He didn't even know he was crying until a tear dropped from his cheek and landed on Mod's silently screaming face.


	5. Chapter 5

Hello everyone, I found this on my computer this morning, it was half of the chapter you're about to read and I thought of all the kind things you've said in your reviews and of everyone who's favourited this story and I just had to finish off this chapter and post it on here for you. It is now my mission to finish this story. It will take me some time but I'm on it :)

'Jay please stop.' Amber begged in a whisper. He could tell that she was crying from the catch in her voice, but Jay continued to strangle the life out of the young man at his feet. Rage and desperation coursed through his veins. He thought if only he could crush the life out of this filthy murdering boy then Ebony's death wouldn't be so tragic. But the seconds passed, tears were falling down his cheeks onto Mod's red face, Amber's hands were weakly trying to pull him away from the boy and Hawk looked down at him, his face unreadable as he held Mod in place with a foot on his chest. Yes, the seconds slowly dragged on and on but Ebony's death was still tragic, his chest was still burning with grief, and she was still gone. Killing the boy wasn't going to make anything better or right again.

With a sob, he threw Mod away from him and fell backwards in to Amber's legs. She was trembling all over as she crouched down and wrapped her arms around him. He could only watch as Hawk dragged a coughing and crying Mod over to a nearby tree and tied him up. Tears blurred his eyes and his ears wouldn't work. He tried to watch and listen to Hawk interrogating Mod. He desperately wanted to hear what had happened but his body had shut down. His insides were filled with lead; he felt like the weight of it was pressing him down into the soft dry dirt he was sat on.

He couldn't breathe, or think or move. He barely even registered Amber's presence beside him. _She's gone. _He knew he couldn't say it out loud yet. Even saying it in his mind had formed a gash in his heart that he knew would never stop bleeding. 'Oh god,' He sobbed, covering his aching chest with his hands, 'She died thinking that I didn't love her.'

Amber's face was ashen; her cheeks and eyelashes wet with tears. She opened her mouth to say something to him, but there were no words that could comfort him, they both knew that. Instead she pulled him into her arms, whispering every so often that she was sorry and that it would be ok. It wouldn't of course, ever be ok. But the comfort she was offering him was all he had left to hold on to.

He barely registered that Hawk had come back over to them and that him and Amber were having a conversation. His ears only perked up when he heard Hawk say the words 'blood trail'.

'What?' he asked, his voice raspy and raw. 'What did you say about the blood?'

Hawk looked down at him with sadness in his eyes, but didn't offer Jay any condolences. Jay knew that Hawk was too honourable a man to offer Jay pity now. Jay could see that he was sad for Ebony, and that was enough.

'Jay, I'm not sure if now is the time to-' Amber tried to say softly. He interrupted her, and stood on shaky legs. She stood up beside him, a concerned look on her delicate face.

'I want to know. If you've found a trail of... her blood... to follow,' he said, fighting against the painful lump in his throat. 'Then I want- I want to find her. I need to bury her.' His voice didn't crack, but he felt fresh tears on his cheeks.

'Maybe just Hawk and some of the men could go and find-' Amber tried again.

'No!' he shouted hoarsely. She jumped beside him, but said nothing further. 'After everything... I have to find her myself.' He looked at Hawk crossly, expecting advice of a similar sort to Amber's.

Hawk simply blinked slowly, nodded even more slowly, and said, 'Ok.' He looked Jay deep in the eyes. Jay knew what the look meant; that it would be painful. But Jay didn't care, nothing could be more painful than knowing, just knowing that she was already gone. The way he saw it, finding her might actually make him feel better. To see her one last time.

'Right then,' Jay said, with strength in his voice that he didn't really feel. Without a word, Hawk pointed to a tree 50 feet away. Even from here it was impossible not to recognise the dark red stain running down the tree's bark. Jay sucked in his breath; maybe Amber was right, maybe this would be too hard. _No! It has to be me, I have to find her._ _I owe her that. _

He strode purposefully towards the tree. He couldn't take his eyes off of the ruby red blood dripping down it. It was so impossibly dark and yet such a very vivid red. Jay shook off the thought that it reminded him of the colours Ebony had always chosen to wear. He stopped suddenly when he realised that Hawk and Amber were following him towards the tree. They both almost bumped into the back of him.

'What? What is it Jay?' Amber asked with worry.

'You two,' he murmured, 'you can't come with me; this is something I want to do alone.'

'No Jay, you can't. You need someone to be there for you!' Amber cried.

She still looked absolutely distraught. And then he realised; Amber felt guilty. It hadn't just been Jay that had driven Ebony out of the safety of the camp, and into the waiting hands of the Techno guards. He could see it in her eyes; she needed to find Ebony and make her peace with her just as much as he did. Part of him felt angry with her; yes it had been partly her fault, and she had no right to be there when he buried Ebony. But the other, more compassionate side of him knew that he had to let her come with him; her past with Ebony stretched longer than he'd been around; and Amber was a good person, it was only natural she'd want to help. Besides, when he really thought about it, he didn't know if he'd be able to find Ebony out in the woods alone without her tracking skills.

'Fine,' he huffed, not angry but not entirely pleased either. 'But Hawk you must stay here.' He flicked his gaze over to where Mod was still tied to the tree and the three other Techno guards still lay unconscious on the ground, Hawk's men watching cautiously over them. 'You and your men will need to make sure those guards wake up a long way from here.'

Hawk nodded in agreement. He dropped his pack to the floor and started taking things out and handing them to Amber, who was putting them in hers. The ache in his heart seared painfully as he looked to the bloodied tree trunk. Tears pricked at his eyes again.

'Jay,' Amber almost whispered.

He turned back to her; both Hawk and her had tension etched into their faces.

'What?' he asked, worried by their expressions.

'What about-?' Amber asked, but stopped herself, biting her lip and looking down to the floor sadly, unable to finish her sentence. Jay had never seen Amber unable to speak before.

'What about the boy?' Hawk asked strongly, in her place. When Jay looked at him, he knew that no matter what Hawk's principles on the matter were, if Jay asked him to kill Mod, then he would. Even though the thought made him respect Hawk even more, it set a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wouldn't be responsible for taking Mod's life, even if he could give the job to Hawk. Mod may have done an unforgivable thing, but Jay wouldn't take revenge on him by having him killed. Then he'd be no better than Ram; who's fault this really was.

'Just knock him out and dump him wherever you dump the others.' He replied without emotion. Amber breathed a soft sigh of relief. Hawk put his hand on Jay's shoulder for just a second, and then turned and walked back to his men and the fallen Techno guards.

'Jay,' Amber breathed, 'We need to get going if you want to... You know, before it gets dark.'

He nodded and followed her over to the tree. She studied the dark stain for a moment, walked around the tree and then began examining the dirt around it.

'She went this way,' she whispered, not looking at him, and walking off in the direction of the sun.

Jay took one last look at the stained tree before he set off walking after her. His gut wrenched every time he imagined Ebony hurt, bleeding and stumbling over to that tree to rest against it. And then, knowing she was losing precious blood, but knowing she had to get away from the guards, pulling herself back up and carrying on. He shook the hurtful image from his head and carried on after Amber.

They'd been walking for about an hour; every time Amber stopped to examine fresh blood stains on trees, plants, the forest floor; it felt like a knife in the heart and Jay felt like he couldn't take much more. All he could think about was Ebony's struggle to get this far, how she must have felt knowing that she was going to die.

He had stopped attempting to stifle his tears as soon as they'd left the company of Hawk and his men. He barely even registered the hot tears making tracks down his face anymore; they were becoming a part of him now, along with his grief. They were becoming one, him and his grief. This was not the first love that he had lost to death; but the pain he had felt the first time was nothing compared to this. He hadn't known what love was back then; he certainly did now. Now it was too late.

He could barely even see Amber; everything was blurred by the tears. He stumbled after her vague and hazy image, sucking in a breath of dread every time she stopped; knowing that at any moment, she could come to the end of the trail and find Ebony.

His mind was tormenting him; flashing through images of Ebony, happy and smiling, and then images from the night before; her tears, her heartbreak written all over her beautiful face. _How can it have been less than twenty four hours? This time yesterday we were having breakfast together with the Eco's. I should never have let her go. _He sighed and ran his hands through his hair in frustration; guilt tearing away at his insides; as if the grief hadn't been enough.

He walked towards Amber, who was crouched down looking at the ground. He tried to avert his eyes from the red drops which sparkled eerily in the early morning sunlight across the mossy green of the forest floor. He noticed that Amber's body was shaking in an attempt to cry quietly. He knew she felt guilty but he honestly didn't think she'd be this torn up by Ebony's demise. They had been sworn enemies after all.

'Are you ok Amber? I-I know this can't be easy, I just - I - well, it means a lot.' He stuttered, unsure of what to say to her.

She turned to him with such sadness in her eyes that he could have sworn Amber looked as stricken as he felt. She kept her eyes on the blood and whispered to him, 'She was heading back to the city Jay. Back to the Mall.'

He was surprised. 'This is the way to the Mall? I never... I never thought she would go there, even when- well, you know.' He murmured, fresh tears falling down his face. He genuinely never believed that Ebony would try to get back to the Mall, even if she knew she was going to die. Not only because he knew she wouldn't ever want to rely on the Mallrats for anything, but because it was so far; impossibly far. Ebony had always been an extremely rational person; she'd been bleeding out; if she was looking for help then the mall was the last place she could have gotten to in time.

'I don't understand. Why would she-?' He trailed off, unable to answer his own question. He'd thought he'd know Ebony inside out. 'Unless she didn't know she was heading this way.'

Amber shook her head vehemently. 'No, she knew.' She said with absolute certainty in her voice.

Jay looked at her questioningly. Amber's eyes flooded with the sadness he'd seen before. 'She was trying to get home Jay,' her voice broke as tears fell down her cheeks. 'She knew she was going to die, so she tried to get home.'

He slumped down to the floor with her. He still couldn't grasp why Amber was so upset, but he couldn't bring himself to be curious. The pain of his loss was consuming him; threatening to take him over. He couldn't even begin to plan how he was going to get through the next five minutes without Ebony, never mind how he was going to get on with the rest of his life. He knew he had to find her.

He felt Amber's hand on his arm; his insides squirmed at her touch, and at the soft look in her eyes; he pulled his hand gently away. He felt immediately guilty as he saw the rejection flash across her eyes. But he just couldn't help it; he blamed Amber for being part of the kiss that drove Ebony away. And the fact that she seemed to be so upset about Ebony's death was driving him insane because he didn't understand it, and that was making him blame her more. He knew she didn't deserve for him to be angry with her; especially since she was helping him. But he couldn't see her the way he used to. He hated himself for what he'd done to Ebony and she'd been part of it too.

He patted her hand awkwardly. 'I just... It's a little difficult right now.' He hoped she understood; because that's all he had the strength to say. He couldn't get into the Amber thing now; he just wanted to find Ebony.

Wiping his face on his sleeve, he got to his feet. He felt Amber rise beside him as he scanned ahead across the forest. It seemed to span on forever; an endless sea of green and brown. 'Come on,' He said sadly shaking his head. 'She can't have made it much further than this.'

Amber nodded solemnly in agreement, and strode ahead of him, her eyes on the ground searching for the trail.

This is how it was for a while; Amber trailed Ebony's last footsteps and Jay followed behind her. He kept expecting that they would find Ebony soon, but they kept on walking and walking. An hour passed, and then another.

'Amber,' he cried, 'Are you sure we haven't missed her?'

'No,' Amber said carefully, turning around to face him slowly, a look he couldn't read on her face. 'Jay, the trail carries on. Look.' She pointed to a fence post, that he could see was flecked with dried blood.

'And you're sure it's Ebony's?' Jay whispered hoarsely. He was exhausted; the pain and the grief and this never ending search were wearing him down.

Amber looked at him sadly. She almost went to reach out for him but thought better of it; instead she wrung her hands together in front of her, and then began fiddling with her backpack. She avoided his gaze.

Jay immediately panicked. _Oh no, it's not her blood. We've followed the wrong trail and I've missed her. And she's out there in the woods all alone, laying there for anyone to -_

'It's her blood Jay,' Amber interrupted, her voice stony and her face serious and unreadable.

'Then what's the problem?' He breathed, his breath rushing from him with relief.

'We are only half an hour outside of the city now Jay.' She said slowly, clearly stalling for time. There was something she didn't want to tell him.

'Amber.' He said forcefully, 'Just tell me.' He gently pulled her over to a nearby tree stump and sat her down on it. He crouched down in front of her. 'Please just tell me, I need to know.'

She blew out a breath, her shoulders sagging. 'The tracks change over by the fence,' she looked fearfully into his eyes. 'She- Someone picked her up. Someone found her before us Jay and they carried her away. I'm so sorry.'

'No.' Jay cried. 'No, that's not possible!' He was crying again, he knew it. A very small part of him wanted to man up and stop crying, but he didnt have the strength anymore. He'd lost her. Ever since she'd walked away from him in the forest the night before, he'd convinced himself that he would get her back, that he would find her. Even when he'd learnt the worst; he'd still believed that he would find her; that he would get to lay eyes on her one last time before she was gone forever. It had been hope that he hadn't even been aware he'd been holding onto until now. Now that Amber's words had shattered it, it had left a huge gaping hole in his body. Now that he had no hope left in him, well, he had nothing left to live for.

He hadn't even noticed that he had fallen into a crumpled heap on the floor, once again at Amber's feet. She was trying to comfort him but he could barely hear her. He'd fallen so deep into his own sadness he didn't think he could ever climb back out. Amber was too far away; they were in separate worlds now.

He was vaguely aware of Amber dragging him to his feet and practically towing him forward. He didn't care where she was taking him, to the city, back to the Eco's, it made no difference. Maybe he would go and hand himself into Ram. Any punishment Ram could cook up couldn't ever be worse than this. Maybe it had been Ram and the Technos who had taken her body. He had no strength in him to fight anymore. _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Ebony. I tried to keep fighting for you, you know that don't you? I didn't deserve you. I love you. Please forgive me._

He knew he was back in the Mall. Not so much from his senses, his eyes were blurry and his ears were buzzing. But the Mallrats were arguing. Again.

The reception had been frosty; the part of his brain that wasn't throbbing dully with the ache of grief assumed it had something to do with him taking off after the game and leaving them all to fight off the Techno's by themselves. Fair enough, but it had almost been enough to bring him back to the world when even Salene and Pride had extended to Amber a less than welcoming greeting. The whole tribe had acted like they barely knew her; and Lex was surlier than usual.

They'd ushered Amber and Jay up to the cafe. Jay could barely move his own feet he was so caught up in his own misery. Despite some growling and glares from the others, Jack had brought him over a cup of hot tea, and had stared down at him with sympathy before he'd been pulled back over to the others by Ellie. He hadn't brought a cup over for Amber.

Amber sat almost as solemnly and as silently as he did; while the others argued in hushed tones at the bottom of the stairs. Amber had told them about Ebony; he had heard that much. None of them cried, or said anything, not even Siva had anything to say. Amber 's announcement about the demise of the former loco and ex city leader had been met with a wall of stony faces. Jay was too involved in his own hurt to be irked by the Mallrats lack of reaction to the news. Nothing mattered anymore.

The Mallrats' argument was clearly getting more heated; snatches of angry voices could be heard now from the cafe. As usual Lex in the centre of it all, it sounded like, although oddly it sounded like for once most of the Tribe were on his side. The only voice speaking out against Lex's was the quiet one of Patch.

Even in his current state Jay was still surprised when he heard Patch raise his voice and come stalking up the stairs towards the cafe. The rest of them were following, Lex was on Patch's tail, still shouting him down.

'You can't do this you little fool. Doctor patient confidentiality!' Lex snarled, his aggression seemingly increased by the sight of Jay and Amber.

'I.. I will not stand by and do nothing! Look at the state of him! It doesn't matter what they did, he has a right to know.' Patch, though stammering a little, looked sure of what he said.

Jay made a conscious effort to pull himself back into reality, painful as it was. They were definitely arguing about him.

'To know what Patch?' he asked, in a raspy voice he barely recognised as his own.

'Jay-' Patch began.

'Don't you dare! He let her give up her whole life in the city here to be with him and the second they were out of here he betrayed her. Don't you dare tell him Patch, let him suffer.' Siva snapped at him. Jay had never seen Siva so angry; he flinched away from her accusing eyes, staring back down into his tea. So Siva hated him too, good, he deserved it.

'Wait,' Amber said, in a much quieter, much more reasonable voice. 'How do you know Jay betrayed Ebony Siva?

'I know a lot more than that. I know it was you who he kissed you cow! I swear to god this is all your fault and I will get you for what you did to my sister.' Siva shrieked, starting forward towards Amber.

Not a single Mallrat tried to stop her. Jay raised his aching body from his seat with difficulty and took Siva's shoulders. She recoiled from his touch, disgust etched into every feature on her face. Shifting her focus to how appalled she was with him seemed enough to abate her fury for the moment. Although something softened in Siva's face when she looked into his eyes for the first time.

The fight went out of her body all of a sudden. 'Oh just tell him Patch.' She said in a voice barely above a whisper.

'What? Siva no! She wouldn't want him to know!' Lex howled crossly, folding his arms and glaring darkly at his girlfriend. Siva gave him an equally terrifying look and after a moment Lex shrugged sulkily.

'Ebony is alive Jay.'

Looking back, Jay couldn't even remember who said it. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he tried to take in what he'd just heard.

'She's alive?' he whispered, his voice cracking. He had to grasp the table next to him so that he wouldn't fall to the floor.

'Barely,' said Patch, his brows low and his forehead creased with worry. He came and took a seat in the one next to Jay's. He put his hand on Jays arm. 'Lex and Pride were out looking for Cloe when they found Ebony on the outskirts of the City. She was hardly breathing Jay.'

'But you found her,' Jay couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face. He knew he must look insane with the tears still streaming down his face but he couldn't care now. He hadn't for a second believed that she could have survived such a wound. He hadn't for a second allowed a single slither of that kind of hope to seep into his mind. But he should have known; nothing, nothing could have taken down Ebony. 'Where is she?' Suddenly urgent, he needed to see her. He needed to lay eyes on her and know that she was alive more urgently and more suddenly than he needed his next breath, or his next heartbeat.

'Jay, she doesn't want to see you.' Patch said quietly. 'She, She didn't even want you to know that she is alive. She told us what happened with you and um, Amber. She doesn't forgive you. Im sorry.'

It took Jay at least thirty seconds for what Patch had said to sink into his understanding. _She doesn't want to see you... _'Oh, well. Yeah, of course she doesn't.' He whispered grimly. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it and sat back down across the table from Patch. He could deal with this_. She is alive, that's all that matters. For now anyways._

The rest of the tribe looked at him in ways he couldn't really understand. He knew them all to be compassionate and kind, even Lex had his moments; but he never thought he would see the day that they would take Ebony's side over Amber's. He looked over at Amber to see her face too was unreadable. He knew she'd also not expected this reaction from the Tribe. Realising he'd not responded to Patch, he looked at the younger boy with a new respect for him and his principles.

'I understand Patch, I won't try to see her if it is her wish that I stay away. But please, I need to know how she is.' Emotion swirled through him, pumping his blood loudly in his ears. He'd already spent the last four hours of his morning believing the woman he loved to be dead; and now to know that she was alive, the feeling was elating, he felt like if he had wings he could take off and fly into the sky from the feeling of pure happiness that filled his body. But Jay knew he needed to face the reality of the situation now, when Patch had told him that Ebony was still alive, he had used the term 'barely', which surely meant Ebony wasn't out of the woods yet. 'Please, just tell me everything I need to know Patch.'

Patch squirmed visibly in his seat; he was clearly keener on the idea of delivering good news rather than bad news. But it was ok, Jay was ready for this. Anything was better now that she was alive. 'She um... well, she was nearly gone when Lex and Pride got her here Jay. I thought... I thought I wouldn't be able to help her.' Patch's voice was barely above a whisper. From over Patch's shoulder, he could see Siva had tears rolling down her cheeks. 'She had lost so much blood Jay, the wound was severe and deep... I thought that we could only make her comfortable.'

Jay's 'ready for anything' attitude was rapidly sinking down into his Techno Issue boots. He was still waiting for the 'but she's fine now' part of Patch's speech, but it didn't appear to be coming.

'It wasn't just the stab wound; she'd clearly been in a fight. She has six broken ribs, lacerations to her hands and face. Severe bruising around her throat and her knuckles are ripped to shreds, we assume from defending herself.'

_Oh god._ Jay thought he was going to be sick_. I should have let Hawk kill them all_. He tried to breathe deeply, anger and hatred was flooding through him, he wanted, needed to do something violent. But there was nothing to do now. _You weren't there when she needed you_. He pushed it all back down, he could deal with his selfish feelings and his self loathing later.

'But you know what happened between me and Amber in the forest; she must have woken up and spoken to you...?' He could hear the begging in his voice, but he didn't care how he sounded. Dread filled him as he noticed Salene edge towards him and put her hand on his shoulder. Even Pride and Lex were looking like they felt sorry for him. _There's something they are not telling you._

'She is such a fighter Jay. She pretty much refused to die.' Patch smiled ruefully, and for a brief second everyone in the tribe smiled at Ebony's stubborn attitude even in the face of death. 'She is, she will be ok. Physically at least. We worked on her for a long time, obviously we don't have any blood to give her in replacement of that which she lost, so it's going to be a long road to recovery for her. But the wound didn't penetrate any major organs, and she has agreed, for the most part, that she will rest.'

He cleared his throat, his fear was choking him. Patch was saying all the right words, but his smile was not reaching his eyes. And on the faces of Salene, Lex, Siva and Pride he could see the same sadness and grief he could see in Patch's eyes.

Salene clutched at his shoulder, her eyes brimming with tears and nodded to Patch, who visibly blanched. Siva burst into quiet sobs, and Lex had to help her into a nearby chair so that she didn't fall down. He looked over at Jay and for the first time since he had met the sheriff, he saw understanding in Lex's eyes. And for the second time that day Jay was beyond terrified.

He looked at Patch, and Patch looked back, fear in his own eyes. 'We... We, I... I couldn't tell her Jay.' His voice caught in his throat as he avoided Jay's searching gaze.

'What?' He begged hoarsely. How much more bad news could he take before it broke him?

Patch opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't. There was a second where Jay thought he would reach over and shake it out of the young doctor, when Lex walked forward and crouched in front of Jay's chair. He looked straight into Jay's eyes as he said the words 'She was pregnant Jay. But she lost the baby.'


	6. Chapter 6

Thank You so much for the lovely reviews guys, I cant wait to start messing with Jay either. But its back to Ebony's POV for a little bit. Hope you like :)

It had been three days since she'd woken up in the Mall. And who knows how long she'd been here before she woke. Siva told her that on the day they found her, she'd been conscious enough to tell her what had happened in the forest; but Ebony had no memory of that. She only vaguely remembered being taken by the Technos and dragging herself home after the attack. What she remembers vividly is the kiss. And she thinks that's why Patch had been sedating her since that first day.

Ebony felt like a trapped animal in the tiny room the Mallrats kept calling her 'private room' in the hospital. Like she could stomach their enthusiasm about their stupid hospital right now. _Although I guess it's the reason you're still alive. _ She sighed and tried to shift in her hospital bed, but pain from the knife wound ravaged her side. She huffed crossly; three days in this bed was almost enough to make her wish she _had_ died.

She had to find little things to be cross about now. The near fatal stab wound had robbed her of so much; she couldn't even begin to let herself think of it. Three days. That's when she'd woken up. That's when Siva came to her and told her that she'd lost a baby she'd never known she'd had. Siva, her darling sister who' previously wanted Ebony dead, had sat with her in total silence for four and a half hours, waiting for her to cry, to scream, to do or say anything. But Ebony hadn't uttered a word. She'd thought her heart was already broken; she'd not realised that a heart doesn't just break the once. She and Siva had sat there silently, Siva stroking Ebony's hand as Ebony had stared at the awful beige wall in front of her all afternoon, only screaming and crying on the inside. Siva left when the awful room had gotten dark, telling her soothingly to try and get some sleep. Ebony hadn't slept that night, and so Patch had sedated her again. She would have been annoyed, but she preferred a dreamless sleep.

She hadn't cried yet. As she sat there in her bed pretending she was cross about the flat pillows and the itchy blanket, she thought that she probably wouldn't. _You can't miss something you never had. So stop thinking about it. _

She missed Jay though, that was the only hurt she allowed herself to endure. Everything else she could pretend hadn't happened, but she couldn't lie to herself about this. Siva had come to see her both days after she'd delivered the bad news, and after asking Ebony about it once, she'd not brought up the baby again. She talked about everything else; the Mallrats, the Technos, how Ram was enforcing Marshall Law on the streets. She didn't mention Jay; she didn't have to, Ebony knew he was in the Mall. She'd heard him outside the room, sobbing when Siva had told her about the baby. She heard him struggle with Lex in the hall, trying to get into the room to see her. She'd almost asked Siva to let him in. Until she'd heard _her_. Amber. Telling Jay to calm down, that everything would be ok.

Ebony's blood had frozen in her veins; she'd not known true hate up until that second of her existence. There she was; lying in a hospital bed, utterly devastated, shattered into a million un-reparable pieces; she had lost everything she had ever loved, everything she could have ever wanted. And there was Amber; still all over Jay like nothing had happened. Clearly after she'd left the Eco Camp Jay had just waltzed back in there and told Amber they were free to have a future together. Ebony had not even been remotely tempted to ask for Jay again. It didn't stop the pain, or stop her from missing him; but she would not let him appease his guilt by letting him see her. Besides she had nothing to say to the scumbag.

_Speaking of scumbags... _she thought snidely, her viscous mood getting the better of her_. _Lex walked into the room, carrying her dinner on a small plate. Well, it was a small dinner; the technos weren't allowing trading of any kind at the moment, Siva had informed her, and so they only had a dwindling supply of T Bars left. Ebony almost had a sarcastic thought about how it was a good job she was no longer eating for two but she stuffed it down quickly after her eyes filled up with tears and her throat threatened to close.

Lex looked at her, obviously noticing that she was upset, but wisely not mentioning anything about it. Sometimes Lex had the very odd redeeming quality. She took the plate that he set down on her lap, looking at it unenthusiastically but thanking him all the same.

'You're welcome.' Lex said, uncharacteristically. Ebony started at his odd display of manners; tempted to call him out on it. But she didn't, with a rather large hole in her side she wasn't really in a position to get into it with Lex. She expected him to leave, but he sat in the chair that Siva usually occupied. Ebony eyed him suspiciously; Lex and her were not friends.

'Oh don't look at me like that; you know I still think you're evil.' He shot at her, defensively.

_And all is right in the world again_ Ebony thought sarcastically. 'Then what are you doing here? There are plenty of other places in the Mall you can sit around being an idiot.' She snapped at him. She felt a little bit more like her old self in that moment; being mean to Lex was somewhat therapeutic.

He glared at her; but not with his usual passion. And he didn't yell back at her, he just sat there in Siva's chair. It was weird. He tapped his fingers restlessly on the arm rests of the chair and avoided her gaze. He clearly had something to say to her; but Ebony couldn't fathom his behaviour. The last time she'd seem him before she'd left with Jay, he'd accused her of being a traitor and harsh words had been said by both of them.

She sat back against her pillows, nibbling on her T Bar. It tasted like ash in her mouth, especially so because it made her think of Ram, who she was blaming for every kind of pain she was currently in. And because it reminded her of Jay, and their first trip out of the city to encourage the farmers to trade in the city again. Lex opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again, looking away from her. She wished he would go away if he wasn't going to spit it out.

'Lex.' She barked at him. He flinched and looked back at her. He stood up from his chair and she thought he was leaving. But he didn't; he came over to the edge of the bed and shocked her completely by taking her hand in his. She almost flinched away from him; in the years she'd known Lex, he had never held her hand, even when they'd fooled around a bit in the very beginning. Their relationship had never been sweet or kind or tender enough for hand holding. He gripped her hand tighter when he felt her tense in his grasp; but he kept his grip soft. She could barely bring herself to look at him, and she could tell he was struggling to look at her too. But he was braver than her and he'd come here for a reason; so he asked her to look at him. She met his eyes.

'Listen I know you don't want to talk about this. And I know you sure as hell don't want to talk to me.' He said sincerely, still squeezing her hand. 'But I just want you to know that I know what you're going through.'

She made to fiercely interrupt him but he continued talking over her.

'And I'm sorry. No one should ever have to lose what you lost; whether you knew about it or not, the pain is still the same.' His voice cracked a little, and her eyes filled with tears. She was ashamed; she had forgotten that Lex too had lost a child.

She couldn't speak. She looked at him, her eyes burning with unshed tears. He nodded in understanding and let go of her hand after one last squeeze. He was walking out of the door when he turned and smirked at her. 'If you tell Siva I was nice to you, I'll deny it.'

'If anyone finds out, so will I,' she choked out, a smile tugging at her lips.

It had been hours since Lex had left her feeling ever so slightly less broken. She was still hating the tiny room; she'd genuinely ran out of things to occupy her mind with; other than the things she didn't want to think about.

Patch had been to see her an hour or so before and offered her more sleeping pills, but she'd turned them down tonight. It had occurred to her that evening that perhaps there were some pains you just had to endure; it was clear Lex was still hurting over losing Zandra and the baby, even now years later, but he seemed to have mended himself mostly. She wasn't ready to face what had happened; but tonight she would take her first steps towards dealing with her grief by choosing not to be knocked unconscious for twelve hours. _Small victories_ she'd thought.

She slightly regretted the decision now though. She knew the rest of the Mallrats were sleeping; it was only ever truly quiet here at night. But she couldn't sleep; she was too used to the sleeping pills. _Another good reason to stop taking them. _And she was stir crazy. She hadn't left this room for days; she'd not seen anyone apart from Siva and Patch, and now Lex. She didn't even know if she could leave the room if she tried, she could barely roll over in bed after all, but she couldn't stay in this bed trying to fall asleep any longer.

She sat up slowly and with great difficulty. Patch had told her that even the slightest movements would be exhausting for her, as she'd lost so much blood, her body was working overtime trying to get oxygen to her muscles in order to make them work. When she'd asked him how long it would be like this, hating every second of being in the same bed, in the same room, Patch had shrugged, telling her it would take some time and that rest was what she needed more than anything right now. Right then, Ebony had thought it was a good job she couldn't move, or Patch might have been in some physical danger. _I am not the resting type._ She chewed her lip, contemplating what to do.

Siva had left her a few books and old magazines, but unfortunately, Ebony had lived in the Mall before Siva, and what Siva thought were new, interesting books, had actually been here for years. Ebony had read the Art Of War three times before the Guardian had made his first appearance.

_Right that is it, I am getting out of this room even if I die on my way to the cafe. _She decided_. _It took her about ten minutes just to get out of the bed and over to the door. Even lifting the covers off of herself had made her short of breath. Opening the door, which she was sure wasn't a heavy door, was agonising. Her arms felt full of hot lead as she pulled it open. She wondered how on earth she was going to get through the next few weeks being this pathetically weak, and she cursed the adults for robbing her of a world where blood transfusions were a regular occurrence. She huffed as she slowly walked over to the cafe and realised she was pretty much angry with everyone and everything.

When she got to the cafe she felt victorious. She made herself a cup of tea, ignoring the fact that she had Ram to thank for the ease of electricity, and sat down in one of the cafe chairs. Her side burned painfully, and she was pretty sure she might have popped a stitch or two when she saw small dots of blood on her white night gown, but she was finally doing her own thing, standing on her own feet, which to Ebony was more important than a bit of blood.

_Siva's going to be cross tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll stay here and wait for her to come to breakfast _she thought devilishly. She imagined the look on Siva's face if she saw Ebony sitting in the cafe like nothing had happened and it made her smile. But then her smile dropped when she realised that Jay and Amber would eventually show up for breakfast too. _Probably all over each other with that disgusting new relationship gooey behaviour, it would make me sick. And sad, really really sad. _Her throat tightened with the threat of tears for about the millionth time that day; she really needed to toughen back up.

Ever since she'd woken up a few days ago, she'd tried to get back that anger that she'd had in the forest. It had made her strong and she wanted it back; if she was ever going to face Jay or Amber in the Mall, she needed it. But she couldn't find it in herself anymore, Jay had done this awful thing to her, and she would never forgive him, but she couldn't be angry, she just mourned the loss of him.

Before she even knew what she was doing, she'd abandoned her cup of tea, still steaming hot on the table, and she was headed in the direction of Jay's room in the mall. She just had to see it for herself; she would just peek in, she only needed to see it once. But seeing Amber in her place, in Jay's bed, would make it easier for her to be angry again. And once she was angry again, she could deal and she could move the hell on.

She had to go up a level of stairs to get to Jay's room, and she wasn't sure if she could handle them; she'd not faced any on her way over to the cafe, but the battle she'd had with the door alone had nearly made her change her mind and get back into bed. She looked up the stair case. Twelve steps. And then she knew she was wimping out because part of her didn't want to see Jay and Amber together. _Forget it Ebony, you are going up those stairs. You are Ebony, queen of this god forsaken city, and you can handle twelve stupid stairs. _

She could barely breathe when she got to the top, her body ached and her vision felt fuzzy, but she was happy; she Ebony, could still do anything she wanted, if she set her mind to it. _Small victories_, she reminded herself, _seeing Jay like this is going to hurt, but this is where your new life starts. Tomorrow, I will be stronger. Like Lex, one day at a time. _

Her stomach twisted painfully when she came to the door of the room she'd shared with Jay, and it had nothing to do with the knife that had penetrated it a few days before. She could already smell the sweet smell of him, it filled the corridor outside his room, making her dizzier than before. It's what she used to smell when he'd get out of the shower, and she'd bury her face in the soft skin of his neck, just breathing him in. _Getting stabbed in the gut hurt less than this _she thought grimly.

Her fingers lingered on the door just a second while she gathered her courage, and then she pushed it open softly. The first thing to hit her was how much more powerful the intoxicating smell of him was with the door fully open. And the second thing to hit her; Amber was not there. Her breath left her lungs in a rush and she had to hold on to the door frame to steady herself. Her legs and arms were trembling; the stairs had really wiped her out. But the sight of him, sleeping in the moonlight that poured through the window, stole all the oxygen she had left in her. The moonlight shone in his blonde hair, and defined the fine lines and tones of his skin. He was wearing a black vest top and loose black jog pants, the covers were thrown away from him, as though he'd been tossing and turning. In that moment Ebony longed for him. She loved him so much and her body ached to be near his. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

She almost forgot to be relieved to find that Amber wasn't there; she was so overcome with sadness. He was so beautiful, on the inside and out, and she adored him so. But he could never be hers ever again because he'd made such a stupid mistake. She could have, and would have forgiven him for almost anything else. She studied his handsome face from the doorway and asked him silently _why did it have to be her? _

She knew the answer to that though. Jay was a good man, just like Bray. And good men didn't end up with bad girls. She tried to sigh softly but she was still so short of breath that it pained her throat and chest to suck in any extra air.

She felt like the journey up the stairs had been worth it though. She still didn't know what was going on with him and Amber, just because Amber wasn't here doesn't mean that there was nothing going on with her and Jay now. But it had been worth it because, seeing Jay sleeping, looking beautiful and innocent and good, everything she remembered about him, had made it easier for her to accept Jay's feelings for a girl like Amber.

Ebony would always be convinced that Amber sabotaged her relationships on purpose, and she hated the girl; that was not about to change. She was still mad as hell at what she and Jay had done in the forest, and Amber would pay for taking away the only thing Ebony cared about. But Ebony could accept that Jay had always been everything she wasn't; he was kind and compassionate, and he wanted to make the world a better place. She'd thought that that was what had made them so good for each other, opposites attracting and all that, but now she could see he was everything that Amber was. _Apart from being a conniving boyfriend thief._ She thought, _although Jay is a cheater, so I guess they both have their flaws. Still, they are both better people than you. _

She wanted to leave; seeing Jay for the first time since the last time wasn't easy, especially with everything that had happened in between. Even with her new found understanding of why Jay perhaps did what he did, it still destroyed her to look at him and know she would never sleep in his arms again; or kiss those soft lips, or feel his breath on her skin.

She was moving forward before she could stop herself. If this was the last time she was going to get to look at Jay, without having to glare at him, or deal with him and Amber being a couple, then she wanted a closer look. The floor was littered with everything Jay had touched since he'd come back to the mall; it wasn't like him, he was usually so tidy and organised; she was the messy one. It annoyed her a little; she had to make extra effort to negotiate the floor without making any noise.

She was almost to the bed when her heart stopped. She heart him whisper her name. She couldn't tell if he was awake, or if he'd whispered it in his sleep. She froze in place; her vision swirling black around the edges as she held her already limited breath. And then she saw him move; swift and lithe like a cat, he was stood in front of her before she'd even had a chance to contemplate hiding or running away.

Her cheeks and eyelashes were still wet with tears, and the way he looked at her now made more tears fall down her face. He looked at her in wonder, like he couldn't believe she was there. 'Ebony?' he whispered again.

She didn't even know what to do. She was so hurt and so angry with him, she couldn't even begin to get over it, and yet as he looked at her, his hair rumpled with sleep and his eyes shining with tears, she couldn't speak. She didn't have to say anything. He swept her up in his arms, pulling her tightly to his body.

She sobbed then. She cried for everything; she cried for how much she loved him, for how good it felt to be holding him again, for how wonderful he smelled and for how at that moment she could almost forgive him. She cried for the betrayal then, for how he'd thrown it all away because he'd thought Amber was better than her. She cried for their baby, who they'd never known about until it was all too late. And she held tightly on to him, while he whispered to her over and over again that he was sorry and he loved her. His tears gathered on her neck and face where he pressed his face into her skin. She couldn't breathe, this was too much. She needed to be away from him, or everything she thought she'd decided about the future of their relationship was going to come crashing down around her.

She was halfway through that thought when he kissed her. It was a passionate and hungry kiss, and she wanted it. She wanted him, he was everything. She kissed him back with everything she had left. And then the darkness that had been swirling around her vision since the staircase finally took her; she fainted in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

'But why did you kiss her Jay?' Amber asked him quietly. She was sat on the edge of his bed, opposite Patch who sat at his computer desk. They were both looking at him for answers, while he paced maddeningly across his tiny bedroom. They'd been with him since the early hours; since he'd screamed for help when Ebony had gone limp in his arms. Patch had come and gone, checking up on Ebony and then checking up on him, the poor doctor had been back and forth since dawn. Amber; well, he didn't really know why Amber was still here.

Her question caused him to stop pacing; it was like walking into a wall. No one had asked him that yet. He's been barraged with questions like 'what was she doing in your room?' 'How did she get up here?' How did she end up unconscious in his arms?' And he'd told them the truth; all of it, despite how awful he felt about it. But no one had actually asked him about the kiss, they had accepted what had happened and gone downstairs for an early breakfast. Of course it would be Amber who asked him about the one thing he didn't want to elaborate on.

He sank to the floor, pulling his knees into his body and pressing his hands into his face. 'I kind of thought I was dreaming at first,' He murmured sadly. 'Every night I dream that she comes to me and forgives me for what I did. Maybe a part of me knew that I was awake, I don't know. I just wanted her to be there, I just wanted to have her back. I didn't know she was hurt.' His throat felt hard. He dropped his hands from his face and looked down at his toes.

He heard Amber's sharp intake of breath. She let it out again slowly, saying 'It's ok Jay,' she moved from the bed to the floor beside him. He decided not to be rude and move away from her, even though that's what his body was telling him to do. He didn't flinch when she put her hand on his, even though his hand was straining to get away from hers. 'Nobody blames you for... missing Ebony. And nobody thinks you hurt her or anything; so don't beat yourself up about this. Patch has already told you that she popped those stitches coming up the stairs. And she's fine. She's not impressed that Siva yelled at her, but Patch has redressed her wounds and she's going to be ok.'

Jay looked at Patch for confirmation; even though he knew Patch had already told him this news three times that morning. He needed the reassurance; he was angry with himself. He'd pulled Ebony into a passionate embrace without a thought of how unwell she still was. He had, for the most part, thought she was a vision from a dream; but he still felt like he should have reacted better to the situation. It was only when she'd fainted and he'd seen her blood on his arms that he'd truly realised she was really there, and panic had overcome him.

Patch nodded his head, smiling tiredly. 'She's going to be fine. And nobody blames you for what happened Jay. Not even Ebony I don't think. She won't tell us why she came up here, before you ask; she's not really said anything.'

Jay nodded, his throat still feeling tight. _I just keep hurting her_. He understood what Patch and Amber were saying, but that didn't change the way he felt about last night. And it wasn't just last night; it was all his fault; every bit of it. If he'd not kissed Amber at the Eco camp then him and Ebony would be a million miles away from here, happy, and the baby... well, they would still be having a baby. He felt sick to his stomach every time he remembered what he had cost them; what he had cost Ebony.

He cleared his throat. 'Right well, if you guys don't mind I'd like to get some sleep. It's been a long night.'

Patch gave him a nod and headed for the door; the poor doctor looked so tired, Jay hoped he would be able to get some sleep this morning, rather than heading straight to the hospital. Amber seemed to hesitate slightly before following after Patch.

Jay let out a deep sigh; he got up from the floor and shut the door firmly behind them, pretending he didn't see Amber still lingering the hall. He didn't even want to know what she wanted; he felt like his brain simply couldn't take anything else today. He'd told them he was going to sleep, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. On top of everything that had happened in the last week between him and Ebony, there was still the fact that they were back in the city, and still very much in danger. Ram had locked down the city; so it was impossible for the Tribe to go out and gather food or anything they needed. They were working hard to ration the hospital supplies they had stolen from the Techno shipment so they wouldn't give themselves away by using too much; but more and more kids who'd been involved in Ram's game to capture Jay were walking into the Mall expecting help; and Salene was finding it impossible to turn them away.

Java had already been round, threatening the Mallrats for being involved with Jay and Ebony's disappearance. Jay had to hide out in his room most days, so that none of the kids from the game recognised him and it got back to Java or Ram that he was back. The last thing they needed was for the Techno's to come for them when Ebony was still so weak.

He'd been wracking his brain trying to think of ways that they could take Ram down, but he only seemed to be getting more powerful. With the promise of a new game, Ram had managed to quell the violence in the city and get the city kids back to work at the power plant in less than a day. The Mallrats were stuck. The only option he had was an old contact within the Techno's who he hoped he could convince to help them out. But even that was very risky, and he was taking some serious time to think about it. And with Ebony not being back to full strength he was putting it off; he hadn't even mentioned it to the rest of the Tribe yet.

He spent a long time getting showered and dressed, his brain on overdrive. He was exhausted by the morning's drama, and he was going crazy from being stuck in the Mall. If he could, he would have gone on a long walk to clear his head, but Ram's cameras were everywhere.

It was still early, the sun had only risen an hour ago, and the cafe was still empty. This was the only time of the day that Jay could walk freely around his home. The Mallrats didn't open the hospital until 9 unless there was an emergency, so most mornings he could at least have breakfast with his Tribe.

The cafe was deserted however when he reached it; he figured most of them had gone back to bed after being woken up by the commotion in his room that morning. He spotted a lone cup on a table, still full of tea, and picked it up to take over to the sink. His stomach rolled when he smelled that it was strawberry and ginseng; Ebony's favourite. She must have been here before she came to his room last night.

He stopped and looked at the cup in his hands, just an ordinary cup; he should be pouring it down the sink and washing the cup out. But it was getting harder and harder for him to let go of her. It was the little things, silly things really; he'd torn his room apart the day before looking for a hair clip she'd left on his bedside cabinet the day they'd left the city behind. The day before that he'd spent the day curled up in his bed with a shirt she used to sleep in; after he'd spent about an hour reading and rereading a note she's slipped him once while they were keeping their relationship a secret from the Techno's in those first days that he'd met her. He was pathetic, he knew it. But he loved her with everything he had; and she'd consumed him.

He emptied the tea into the sink abruptly, and turned the tap on full to wash the scent of the tea away as quickly as he could. It lingered in his nose and it made him angry. He could ask himself why all day long and still never come up with an answer. He asked himself every minute, how he could have not known that Ebony was the one for him, until the second he'd cast her aside for a woman he barely knew. He huffed out a breath and shoved himself away from the sink; away from the sweet perfume the strawberries had left in their wake.

He grabbed a quick breakfast and stomped back to his room in a dark mood. Usually his favourite part of the day was having breakfast with the rest of the tribe; it was the only part of his day where he wasn't hiding in his room alone. And since the frosty reception upon his return, things had gotten better with the others. He supposed it was probably because they could see the remorse all over his face; and because they knew he was suffering that they had decided not to be too harsh with him anymore. Even Siva had stopped glaring at him, and would occasionally let him know how Ebony was doing, if she was in a good mood. But today he'd heard the sounds of the Mallrats waking up and heading for the cafe, and he'd fled from it. He needed to be alone.

Patch had told him that nobody thought badly of him after what had happened last night but he wasn't so sure. And he really hated being the guy everyone was staring at and whispering about in the mornings. It had died down since that first day, but he was sure it would be back after what had happened this morning.

When he got back to his room he found Amber waiting for him, sat on his bed like she had been before. His heart sank; and he had to stop himself from turning and walking back out of the room; which was all he wanted to do now. _So much for being alone today. _

'I thought you were going to sleep?' she asked him softly when he sat down opposite her at his computer desk, trying to keep a polite look on his face.

'I decided to grab some breakfast instead.' He said shortly, hoping Amber would get to the point of her visit.

'Oh,' She said, clearly surprised by his abrupt answer. 'Um, I know you're not really in the mood to talk Jay but-' she stopped short.

He looked at her and saw that she was nervous about something. She was wringing her hands in her lap and averting her eyes from his gaze. She clearly didn't want to tell him what she had to say; which means it was probably bad news; the Technos most likely, or Ebony maybe.

He reminded himself that he and Amber had agreed to be friends, and despite the fact that he was going through a tough time, so was she and she deserved his courtesy. He'd been rude to her, and even though he knew he probably didn't want to hear what Amber had to say, he owed it to her to at least listen to her; she'd been nothing but helpful when they were looking for Ebony and he wouldn't have made it back to the Mall without her help.

'Sorry Amber, I'm letting my bad mood do the talking. Please, don't think that I don't want to talk to you,' he smiled at her as best he could, and nodded at her encouragingly 'Whatever it is, you can tell me. Even if it's bad news, I can handle it. Is it about Ram?'

'What? No,' she said, startled. 'It's about, well... I don't even want to ask Jay, but I have to know.'

She was looking anywhere that wasn't him; and she was clearly uncomfortable. Jay was beginning to feel the same. She took a deep breath and looked up at him finally.

'I have to ask Jay, if you still have feelings for me?'

All the oxygen in Jay's body made a dash for it, leaving him and his brain desperately stupid. He blinked in surprise. That was the very last thing he'd been expecting her to ask. They'd agreed in the woods that whatever had been between them was over.

He coughed, mostly as an excuse not to have to talk. She was looking at him imploringly, her eyes shining with unshed tears. He wished she would speak; tell him what she wanted from him.

'Amber,' he said quietly, 'we talked about this already, after what's happened, I don't think it's a good idea to be going over it all again.' He'd hoped to appeal to Amber's rationality, she knew that they'd already had this conversation; surely she must remember what they'd agreed.

'I know Jay, I know, but... I need us to talk about it again.' She was talking so softly, Jay had to lean forward to hear her. 'I know that you still have a lot of love for Ebony, and that you're not over what's happened.'

He was going to reply, but she carried on. 'But I know what that's like Jay, holding on to a love that you can't get over; even though part of you knows that you're never going to get it back. And that's the truth Jay; you have to know that Ebony will never forgive you.'

Her words were like a knife in his chest. Yes, he knew that, but he didn't need her to remind him. He needed to be alone with his grief, not have her shove the truth in his face before he was ready to accept it. He was getting angry with her.

'Yes Amber, I am aware that I completely ruined my relationship. What I don't understand is why are you telling me something I already know?' he'd raised his voice without meaning to, and she looked at him shocked, but then she nodded her head in understanding.

'I know you're angry Jay, of course you are. But you need to accept that it is over with her.' She whispered.

'What? Seriously Amber, what kind of person does this? Do you honestly think this is what I need right now?' he growled. He knew he was being foul tempered but what did she expect. You can't come into a broken man's room and rub salt in his wounds.

'I'm not trying to hurt you Jay,' she snapped at him. 'I just think you should accept that there is no future with her, and save yourself months of wallowing in self pity over a relationship that she certainly won't be mourning!'

'Excuse me, I think I'm allowed a little wallow time Amber; I didn't just lose Ebony, I lost our child! And if I'm not mistaken you're still pining after Bray, so forgive me if I don't take 'how to move on' advice from you.' He snarled back.

'I didn't come here to argue with you Jay,' she yelled at him crossly, her cheeks red.

'Then why did you come here?' he spat, folding his arms with impatience.

He saw all the fight leave her then; she sank back onto his bed, sighing. 'Because I think I'm in love with you.' She whispered.

The silence stretched long and tense between them. This time she looked to catch his gaze but he was the one who wouldn't look at her. How could she say this to him now? After everything that had happened? He knew that there had been something between them, of course he did, otherwise he wouldn't have kissed her. He and Amber had so much in common, they cared about the same things, they both wanted the same things out of life, and her passion for a better world had always stirred something in his heart, it probably always would. And she was beautiful, there was no doubt about that.

But he couldn't look inside himself and find those feelings anymore; who knew if they were still there? If they were, they were buried deep down under layers of guilt and remorse, and heartache over Ebony and the baby. He had no access to any of his other feelings anymore; he was consumed with what he had done, what he had lost and how he was going to ever be ok again. His feeling for Amber couldn't be farther out of his mind. And now she was saying that she loved him... Did he even believe that she could love him?

When he did look at her, she had tears rolling down her cheeks. He felt some of his anger melt away; she was suffering too. Perhaps not in the same way he was; but she too knew what it was like to love someone who wasn't coming back to you.

'What about Bray?' he asked his voice hoarse. He leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands on his knees. He squeezed his knuckles together tightly, his body humming with tension.

She smiled softly, as though she was relieved he'd finally spoken. 'Well that's just the thing; that's why I came here. Lex and Pride are talking about ending this thing with Ram. God knows what they are even thinking, so don't ask, but, it made me think. If we can take down Ram, and we can get back those that were taken from the city...' she hesitated, biting her lip as though she was annoyed with herself, 'It made me think, do I want him back Jay?' Tears spilled over her cheeks and she sobbed, pulling her arms around herself.

Jay was reeling; he'd thought for sure that bringing Bray up would make her be rational about this, but he couldn't believe that she was questioning her relationship with Bray. From everything he'd heard from Ebony, and the rest of the tribe, and Amber herself, her and Bray were the ultimate soul mates, written in the stars, destined for each other and all that. Ebony had told him that she'd tried everything to win Bray for herself, but he'd only ever had eyes for Amber.

Amber looked so heartbroken sitting there, sobbing on his bed. He almost reached out to her, to take her hand or put an arm around her, but then he thought better of it; he didn't want her to get the wrong idea. Instead he tried to comfort her with words.

'Amber, surely you don't mean that. You love Bray I know you do.' He said slowly. Cursing the fates for putting him in this situation. He clearly couldn't hold his own relationship together, how on earth could he be expected to help Amber with hers? And now, after what she's said to him...

'I do Jay, and I always will, but he's been gone a long time, and I've found myself moving on. I have feelings for you too, strong feelings.' She paused and looked at him almost apologetically, 'Believe me, it's the last thing I want Jay.' She laughed softly, wiping some of the tears from her face. 'Forgive me, I shouldn't have just barged in here and told you to get over Ebony, that was... well, let's just say I'm not accustomed to feeling so out of control. What I meant to tell you, really, is that I care about you Jay, more than I care for Bray, and I would appreciate it if you would think about maybe, the possibility of us having something in the future.'

Jay gaped at her stupidly, fully aware that he looked like an idiot. He just didn't know what to say to that. He didn't think that he cared for Amber anymore, at least not in the way she said she cared about him. But, she was right, Ebony was never coming back to him and he couldn't be alone forever. It would take him some time to get over Ebony of course, but what then? Could him and Amber be a possibility in the future? They certainly had a lot in common. But then, if Bray did come back... And if Ebony were ever to change her mind... His kiss with Ebony last night flashed up in his mind; he could still remember the feeling of her lips on his, the taste of her and the softness of her skin. It pushed out any thoughts of Amber. And he was sure that's the way it would be for a very long time. He couldn't contemplate the idea of anyone else when he was still so in love with Ebony.

Amber was studying his face as he thought, and he saw understanding in her eyes. She smiled at him and got up. 'You don't have to say anything Jay; not ever if you don't want to. I just, I needed you to know how I felt. I just want you to know that if there's ever a day where you feel like you can move on too, then I'll be there. And in the meantime, I will be here too, just as a friend.' She laughed and shook her head. 'I'm so sorry, I've never really been very good at confessing my feelings. I'm sorry about those things I said.' She looks at him earnestly. He hadn't moved in some time; he was still processing.

'I'll talk to you later Jay,' she said, wiping her face one last time and then quietly shutting his door behind her.

Jay slowly leaned back in his chair, pushing the air out of his lungs in a deep sigh. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration; he'd thought he was dealing with a lot before, well, now it was twice as bad. Amber had pretty much told him she would wait for him to be over Ebony; but he wasn't even sure if he wanted to be with her. Had he given her the impression that he would change his mind eventually? He hoped not; he had no idea what he was feeling now, never mind how he would feel tomorrow, or next week, or next year. God how had his day had become this? It wasn't even noon yet.


	8. Chapter 8

I know im the slowest uploader in the world! But this story will keep coming I promise. I know some of you are desperate for Ebony to start getting back at Jay, and I am too :D the fact that Jay got away with this whole thing in the show is what inspired me to write this story! And it's coming, there are lots of handsome men in the Mall for Ebony to choose from ;D, but bare with me, I want this story to have a realistic pace, and I think that even Ebony needs some time to get over her injuries and deal with her losses before she moves on to her next guy! But revenge is on its way boys and girls :D As ever, thank you for reading, it means the world to me. Here's another chapter, hope you enjoy...

Ebony thought back long and hard, over the years of her life, she could think of so many times that her emotions had ruled her. There had been times when she'd been so jealous she'd resorted to unmentionable acts to get what she wanted; there had been times when she'd been so blinded by love that she'd failed to see that she was being used, and there had been times she'd been so desperately sad she could barely make herself get out of bed. Today, right here stuck in this damn bed again, this was one of those times where her emotions were swallowing her whole. She had never felt so conflicted in her entire life.

She'd woken up this morning; being poked and prodded by Patch, yet again, and being yelled at by her sister; yet again. It had taken her a little while to even understand what had happened, but from a mixture of her vague memories and from the gist of Siva's lecture, she'd pretty much pieced it all together by the time Patch had been done with her stitches. She'd remembered leaving this room, and heading over to the cafe. _Where you thought it would be a great idea to go and visit Jay... _she'd thought to herself dryly.

She sighed, shifting in the bed to avoid the afternoon sun that was streaming through her window and into her eyes, her side hurting as she did so. She remembered the kiss of course. How could she not; it had been one of the most passionate moments of her life. But it had also been one of the stupidest mistakes she'd ever made.

She'd sat there for alone for hours, just thinking. Siva had stalked off as soon as Patch had told her Ebony would be ok, but only after she'd threatened to lock the door behind her if Ebony felt like wondering around the Mall again, and Patch had followed, quiet as a mouse so as not to attract Siva's attention. It made her smile somewhat, to see that Siva genuinely cared about her enough to be this worried; but at the same time she was irked at being told off like a child.

And so she'd sulked for a bit, picked at the sore scabs on her knuckles and huffed at the pain in her side; made worse of course by her trip up those damn stairs, and she'd thought, for hours, about what her next move was. Usually her plans just came to her; her devious and brilliant mind delivering them to her without her barely having to try. But today her brain was having no luck; her heart was shouting over it whenever she tried to think rationally. So she still loved Jay, well that wasn't too big of a surprise, it's not like she had been the one to end their relationship. And sure, she obviously still wanted him enough to kiss him like that. Her lips still burned with the memory of his mouth on hers. But at the same time; she was still angry about his betrayal; and nothing inside her could begin to forgive him for what he'd done. _Never, _she thought, chewing her lip_. _ _I could never trust him enough to be with him again; and I certainly can't get over what's happened... Ugh, so why do I still want him so badly?_

The kiss had been wonderful, full of love and passion, and it had been everything she'd ever wanted from Jay. When he'd kissed her last night, it had been all about her. She'd felt that there had been nothing else in his mind at that moment, all he'd wanted was to be with her, to be close to her. Until she'd fainted of course. That must have freaked him out. _Ha, good_. She thought, smirking.

Her smile faded slightly when she began to accept the reality of the situation. _It was the last time_. She had been half delirious with oxygen deprivation by the time she'd gotten up those stairs, and yes, even though she was willing to admit that she'd wanted that kiss just as much as she suspected Jay had, it had been a mistake. Things were never going to get better between them and that's just the way it was. She didn't even think she wanted to see him again after this, even though she knew it was inevitable. It's not like she could leave the Mall and start a fresh somewhere else; Rams spies were everywhere and every corner of the city was covered by his cameras. And she certainly couldn't avoid Jay in the Mall once she was released from this dumb hospital and allowed to move back into her room.

And so the only option she seemed to have left was to freeze him out completely. So they would live in the same place, eat at the same cafe, but that didn't mean she had to speak to him ever again did it? She would just ignore his very existence; with the odd exception of a scathing remark maybe or a dirty look here and there. And eventually they would both move on. She hoped.

And that had been her plan; until Siva had come back to her room with an envelope in her hand and a look of distaste on her face.

'What is it?' Ebony asked when she saw her sister's face.

Siva looked from Ebony to the envelope in her hands. She put the envelope on the arm of her chair and plonked herself down, turning to Ebony and away from the offending package behind her. Ebony raised an eyebrow to emphasise her question, but Siva seemed content to ignore it for the time being.

'So,' she said, fussing with Ebony's blankets slightly, smiling as she talked, 'Patch said that as long as you behave yourself-'

Ebony made to fiercely interrupt, but Siva talked over her, smiling, knowing she was winding her sister up.

'As long as you behave yourself and stay in your bed today,' she repeated, 'you, missy, can leave the hospital tomorrow.'

Ebony felt her face break out into her first genuine smile in days. 'God, finally!' she exclaimed.

'And I thought,' Siva went on, 'That we could move your stuff downstairs into Alice's old room.' She looked to Ebony shyly. 'Because it's right near mine and Lex's room and I'd like to keep an eye on you. You know, just while you're healing.' She added nonchalantly.

Ebony felt a warmth spread through her that she hadn't felt in years. The feeling of love that came from having a family. If Siva wanted to say that she wanted Ebony nearby while she was healing, that was fine with her. Because she could tell from Siva's shy smile that her sister just wanted her close again, on a permanent basis. Ebony was surprised to find that that's what she wanted too. _Maybe you haven't lost everything yet Ebony_ she told herself.

'I would really like that Siva,' she responded to her sister warmly, catching her sister's fingers that were still fiddling with the bed sheets, and squeezing them in her hand softly. Her sister smiled too her eyes shining happily. This moment, right then made Ebony feel a lot less unhappy about being back in the Mall. She'd tried to break free of the city and start a new life, that clearly hadn't worked out for her, and now here she was. But looking at Siva's smile and feeling her sister's hand in her own, Ebony was willing to accept that this was where her new life would start now.

'Good,' Siva said. 'I'll get Lex to carry your stuff down from your old room this afternoon. He's a big strong Sheriff; three flights of stairs should be no problem for him.' She smirked. So did Ebony.

'He's going to love that.' Ebony mused.

Siva laughed out loud. 'He won't have a choice really. Oh he'll grumble about it, and curse me and you, up and down every flight of stairs, and every time he picks up a new box most likely, but he'll do it. He loves me.' She smiled again and shrugged happily.

Ebony laughed along with her sister, feeling happy for the first time since she'd bumped into Amber in the woods. She almost forgot about the letter Siva had brought with her until her sister's smile faded and she reached over to grab it. She seemed hesitant at first, but she passed it to Ebony. Ebony saw her name was written on the envelope, dread settled in the bottom of her stomach. It could only be from someone who wasn't welcome to visit her in her hospital room, and therefore probably contained a lot of things she didn't want to read.

'Is it from him?' she asked Siva quietly, toying with the edge of the envelope.

'No,' her sister said softly. 'It's from Amber.'

Ebony scrunched up her nose in distaste and dropped the envelope like it had caught fire. 'I don't care for a second what that girl has to say for herself.'

Siva sighed and nodded, leaning back in her chair. 'I knew you wouldn't, I said as much to her when she begged me to bring it to you. But she said whether you read it or not she needed to try and make things right.'

Ebony narrowed her eyes at her sister. 'Hey,' Siva said, holding her hands up in surrender, 'it's not that I'm saying she could make it right, those were her words not mine. You should be glad I brought the letter, if I'd have refused; I think she would have found a way to sneak in here. You know Amber, she's not exactly one to be told no.'

'Yeah and that's her problem the skanky cow.' Ebony grumbled, scowling at the letter. 'If she thinks she can just send me a sorry note to apologise for ruining my life then she's sorely mistaken. She's going to pay for what she's done.'

'Come on now Eb, let's not start your revenge plans while you're still in the hospital,' Siva said leaning forward and putting her hands on top of Ebony's. 'No stress or action of any kind for you, until you're fully healed and those stitches have come out, do you hear me?'

The warning tone in her sister's voice meant Ebony's only option was to promise not to go after Amber until she was fully healed. Her sister glared at her threateningly for a bit longer and promised Ebony that the repercussions for disobeying a direct sisterly order were severe. Ebony had had to laugh then, and Siva had left her after dropping a kiss on her sister's forehead and promising to visit after she'd supervised Lex moving Ebony's things to her new room.

It took Ebony two hours to decide to read Amber's letter. She'd gone to rip up the letter at least six times; but at the last second curiosity had got the better of her each time until finally she'd just had to open it up.

The letter had been everything she'd expected. A great deal of sanctimonious crap about how Amber couldn't be more sorry for what she'd done, about how she'd not only betrayed Ebony, but Bray as well and she couldn't begin to apologise for what had happened. _At least we agree on one thing_ Ebony had thought snarkily.

But some of it had come as a shock. In the letter, Amber had admitted to having feelings for Jay, which wasn't entirely unexpected; Amber had always been ridiculously honest, but she'd gone on to say that that very morning she'd confessed as much to Jay. Ebony, who'd previously been reading through all the apology nonsense, had been so close to throwing the letter away, now she gripped it in her hands, unable to look away. Amber said she wanted her to know that Jay had not returned her advances; that he was still too in love with Ebony. She urged Ebony to give Jay a chance to explain himself. That no one in the world loved her as much as Jay did.

Tears rolled down her cheeks and splashed on the page, running the ink from Amber's pen. Amber ended the letter with more apologies, and with a promise that if Ebony and Jay worked things out and got back together, then Amber would stay away from him.

She crumpled the letter up in her fist angrily. It was just like Amber to make her feel worse when her life was already in tatters. Just what did she expect Ebony to do with this information; run upstairs and forgive Jay like it never happened? Of course Amber wanted to rub it in that Jay still had feelings for her, when she must have known full well that Ebony wouldn't forgive him. God she hated them both. She threw the letter away from her in disgust. It bounced off the door and rolled under her bed. Good, she was glad she couldn't see the damn thing anymore.

She brushed the tears away from her eyes; angry that she was so weak. It didn't matter what Amber or anyone said, this thing was over, she wouldn't allow herself to shed a single tear over it again. As of this moment she was moving on. She would have her revenge on both Amber and Jay, but she would not hurt over this anymore. When she got out of this stupid hospital; she would find something else to focus on. Maybe she would meet someone else, hell, maybe she would take Ram down and save the city, it didn't matter what, as long as she didn't have to think about Jay and Amber anymore. _They are welcome to each other_ she thought darkly.

Dinner with Siva was a quiet affair. Ebony's sour mood didn't help, but her sister seemed distracted as well. Only laughing occasionally when Ebony asked her how Lex's afternoon of lugging boxes around had gone, and really smiling only when she told Ebony she'd nearly got her room all sorted out for her.

When Ebony asked her what was wrong, her sister smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, and told her it was nothing. She was clearly hiding something, but Ebony didn't push it, if Siva wanted to talk, she would, when she was ready.

When it was time for Siva to go, she held Ebony tightly and for a long time. She looked down at her little sister and pushed a braid away from her face, telling her that she loved her more than anything, and that she would see Ebony tomorrow. She left with a sad smile on her face.

Ebony was worried, Siva was acting weird. Especially after how happy she'd been earlier on in the afternoon. But there was nothing she could do about it now; her sister was gone and she was stuck in the hospital bed until tomorrow.

She was exhausted; she'd not gone back to sleep after waking up from her unconsciousness that morning. Her bed wasn't getting any more comfortable however; and the pain in her side was constant and sharp. Her legs were tangled up in the covers from her continuous efforts to find a position in the bed that didn't hurt, and the second soft white nightgown Siva had given her to wear in the hospital was twisted all around her. The darn thing came down to her feet when she stood up, and she looked like she was from the middle ages with it on. The first nightgown had been knee length and far more comfortable to sleep in; but of course Ebony had bled all over that one when she'd insisted on climbing up half the stairs in the Mall the night before.

She huffed loudly and flung all of the covers off the bed and onto the floor. The nightgown covered her legs anyways, and she found it easier to relax without the weight of the blankets pressing down on her injuries. Her ribs were still sore and bruised; but weren't broken like Patch had thought at first. Ebony was glad for that; she'd broken a rib before the virus, playing softball in high school, and it had been agonising. For all the discomfort of her pain and the horrid hospital bed, Ebony knew she was lucky to be alive.

She drifted in and out of sleep. The image of Jay kissing Amber in the woods was burned on the back of her eyelids and when Ebony slept, that moment haunted her dreams. Sometimes she would dream that Jay pushed Amber away at the last minute, declaring his love for Ebony instead. Waking from that dream hurt the most. She was dreaming about running away from Jay, through the forest and the rain, lightening flashing overhead, when she snapped her eyes open suddenly, her body tense and alert. Someone was trying to get into her room.

Quiet as a mouse, she slithered from the bed and crept over to the door, standing in wait at the edge of the door frame for the person who was rattling at the door knob, trying to turn it slowly and silently. Ebony could see from the small clock on her bedside that it was quarter to two in the morning; whoever was trying to open the door clearly wasn't trying to visit; they were trying to sneak in.

Her heart was pounding as images of Java and a troop of Technos sneaking in to arrest her flooded her mind. And then she saw Ram, creeping in through the darkness to take her back to the hotel to suffer for her crimes. She shook her head trying to clear her mind. She was Ebony. She would not be afraid.

Her breath was shallow as she groped blindly behind her to the table that held some of the get well gifts the Mall Rats had brought to her on the day she'd woken up. Salene and Pride had brought her a vase of wild flowers; dusty pink and white, they'd reminded her of her mother's wedding bouquet. Mouse had drawn her a picture of a kitten playing with a ball of string; she'd told Ebony that kittens made her feel better and that she hoped this one would help Ebony feel better too. Jack had brought her boring books to read, but it was the thought that counted really; she knew they were from his own collection as they had his name written in the front covers. They'd nearly all sent her cards and notes to wish her well, it had been rather touching. Even Lex had brought her a half drank bottle of Vodka, telling her that that would make her feel far better than flowers and kittens, before taking a swig, and plonking it back on the gift table. It was that she closed her fingers around now, gripping it tightly with sweaty palms and raising it above her head as the door creaked open.

She smashed the bottle down on the head of the dark figure that lurched through the door. The figure grunted in pain and fell to the floor, covered in vodka and broken glass. She made to make a run for it; maybe she could make it to Lex and Siva's room before her assailant caught up with her, when suddenly she recognised his white blonde hair. It glistened wetly in the silvery moonlight streaming in through her window.

She let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding and laughed nervously. Jay looked at her like she'd lost her mind, but didn't complain about the blow he'd just received, as he picked bits of broken glass from his hair. She almost wanted to laugh some more; the whole situation was so ridiculous. But a cold feeling settled in her heart and hardened her face. She glared at him, all traces of mirth gone from her eyes.

'I'm sure Siva must have told you that you are not welcome here.' She said coolly, stepping away from the puddle of vodka and glass shards, so as not to cut her feet. Jay saw her movements, and began picking up the pieces of glass from the floor, and putting them in a bin behind the door, not saying a word about bruise she could already see forming above his eye. It was a long time before he spoke at all.

'I know I shouldn't be here.' He said, meeting her eyes. It was the first time she'd really looked at him since she'd said goodbye to him in the forest. It had only been a week or so, she thought, but Jay looked awful, he was skinnier than she remembered, and he had dark circles under his eyes, as though he wasn't eating or sleeping properly. She was almost concerned, until she remembered herself.

'Then why the hell are you here?' she snapped, folding her arms angrily across her chest. She was cold now; she was out of bed and her feet were wet. He was staring at her with concern shining in his brown eyes and that annoyed her as well. She felt scrutinized as she watched his eyes sweep over her injuries, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. She didn't have a mirror in her room, but she could feel the newly healing scratches on her sore face and the dull pain of the dark bruises around her neck. Almost nervously she shied away from his gaze; turning away from him to sit on the edge of the bed. She glared at him, waiting for his answer. 'Well?'

He cleared his throat and shook his head, clearly trying to get past her cuts and bruises. 'I have to tell you something.' He said softly, moving over to sit in the chair Siva usually occupied. His knees grazed hers as he sat forward in the chair, so she pulled her legs away from him and sat cross legged on the bed_. I should have shoved him out of the door! How unfortunate that he took me not kicking his ass as an invitation..._ she thought sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes. 'I don't want to hear it Jay. I don't care what you have to say just get out. I've heard your excuses already.'

'I- I'm not here to talk about us Ebony. I know that that's not what you want to hear right now.' He ran his hands through his hair and sat back in the chair. He looked a million years older than he did when she'd last seen him in the daylight of the forest. He met her eyes, and she was annoyed with herself when she felt her breath hitch in her throat like it used too when she caught him looking at her. 'I came here to see you one last time. In case it is the last time. I thought you would be asleep.'

Her heart stuttered and she found herself unable to stop herself from blurting; 'What do you mean the last time you'll see me?'

'Siva didn't want you to know. She doesn't want you to try and get involved.' He sighed and ran his hands through his hair again; and she knew him well enough to know that meant he cross with himself and anxious about something. 'I shouldn't have come, I just had to-' He almost made to reach out for her hand, which she was using to absently pick at the scabs on her knees. She saw him realise his mistake and pull his hand back just before she was about to pull hers out of his reach.

'Involved in what? Jay for goodness sake, you're here now so just spit it out!' she snapped. She was irritated that he'd managed to trick her into having a conversation with him just hours after she'd sworn never to speak to him or go near him again. She deepened the scowl on her face, just so that he didn't get any ideas about being forgiven.

He looked like he was having an internal debate; clearly whatever concerns Siva had expressed about not telling her, Jay had seconded them. But she knew he was an honest man, _for the most part anyway_ she thought sourly and he would tell her the truth now that she had asked him.

'We are going to end Ram and the Technos tomorrow. We are taking the city back. And you will be staying here.' Jay had never been one to use more words than were needed, and there it was. Everyone she cared about was walking into their deaths tomorrow.

'And none of you were going to tell me?' Her voice was as cold as ice. 'And what exactly am I supposed to do when none of you come back tomorrow?'

He leaned forward and rested his hands on the end of his knees; not quite touching her, but close enough that she could have reached out and pulled him into her arms if she'd wanted to. The smell of Vodka clung to him still. 'Trudy and Ellie are staying here; Mouse and Sammy and the babies too, you won't be alone. And if things go wrong for us, there are plans in place to get the seven of you out of the City unharmed.'

Ebony snorted. 'You're leaving me with the women and children? Oh please Jay! I am a warrior and this is my city, you won't take it back without me.'

A touch of a smile graced his face for a second, lighting up his eyes for a moment and curving his lips into a smile of fondness. But it passed quickly; one thing she knew about her ex-boyfriend was that when it came to protecting people he cared about, he was deadly serious. He looked at her sternly. 'You are the strongest woman I know Ebony but you're not strong right now. I didn't come here to debate this with you; the plan is what it is; and you're staying here.'

A huge part of her was fully aware that he was being so forceful on the issue because he cared about her still and wanted her to be safe. But there was another part of her that was not about to take orders from the man who'd broken her heart. So she laughed nastily. 'You don't get a say in what I do anymore Jay, your opinion means nothing to me.'

She could tell that had hurt him; Jay was nowhere near as good as her when it came to concealing his emotions. 'Be that as it may Ebony, it's not just my opinion,' He said stiffly, looking away from her angry eyes. 'It's Siva's final request that if anything happen to her tomorrow that you go on and live a safe and happy life away from Ram. She plans to leave you a letter just in case.'

That knocked the wind out of her sails somewhat. Angry as she was that they'd gone ahead and planned a rebellion without her, she knew she would be no help to them in her current state. She couldn't even pace around her room for more than five minutes without getting breathless; she would be worse than useless in battle. But if they failed and she was not there fighting with them... 'She cannot go, I won't let her.' She said in a voice that sounded much softer than her own.

'This was her decision to go Ebony,' Jay said gently, 'Siva and her Militia will be integral to our success, Siva knows that. Your sister is almost as fearsome as you, she'll be ok Ebony.'

'And the rest of you? How do you even know you'll live to see tomorrow evening?' She asked him sharply. She'd been blindsided by this latest plan of the Mallrats' to get themselves killed; even when Siva had been acting so strangely at dinner time, Ebony had had no idea that something like this was going to happen. And now she was supposed to just let them all go, and deal with the very real possibility that some of them might never come back. She felt tears burning in her eyes as she thought of her sister never coming back, of Jay never coming back.

'I don't,' he whispered. He looked up at her, and for once she didn't look away. She was busy trying to remember every detail of his beautiful face; just in case. 'That's why I needed to see you. I needed...' he trailed off, still looking deep into her eyes. He was too close; she desperately tried to force back the emotions that were trying to force their way out of her. Her own fingers betrayed her; twitching with the need to touch him. Her eyes widened when he reached forward and traced his fingers across her cheek. She blinked and the tears tumbled down her cheeks.

'Jay,' she murmured, warning in her voice. She did not want this, no matter how much her body betrayed her; her heart and her mind were still reeling from his betrayal.

He looked at her with such emotion then that she had to look down at her hands in her lap. In one look he'd hit her with the extent of his love and of his regret. _It's too late_ she told herself, biting her her lip.

'I know, I'm sorry.' He whispered and she heard his breath catch in his throat. His hand ghosted across her collarbone and down her arm, leaving her skin ablaze in its wake. His face changed then, as though he'd suddenly remembered what had happened between them. 'I'm being selfish, I shouldn't have come here.'

He stood so suddenly that the chair scraped loudly on the floor, making her jump. There was nothing she could do but watch him stalk towards the door. Her voice stuck in her throat when she made to call him back. She couldn't make herself be nice to him, even now, when this might be the last time she would see him.

He stopped at the door and turned to look at her. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears and an intensity she'd never seen in them before. 'I love you.'

Tears spilled down her own cheeks, her heart aching. 'I know.' She whispered, trembling, a sob escaping her.

He looked at her, with the same look he'd worn on the day she'd married Ram. And then he turned and walked out of the door and out of her life.


	9. Chapter 9

The absolute worse part of it all was how it didn't feel any different from any other day in the Mall. Well, the Mallrats were mostly gone, so that was different Ebony supposed, but everything else was as mind-numbingly the same as always. That, coupled with the unbearable fear that was coiling up her already stiff and sore body, made today one of the worst in her life.

She had last laid eyes on her sister and the rest of the Mallrats about an hour ago, as they'd split into separate groups and left the mall to take down Ram. They could be dead; and she wouldn't know it. The sounds of the city still reverberated through the mall; normal sounds, there were no alarms, no zappers or sounds of fighting or anything out of the ordinary that would give away that a major fight was going down, and that set her teeth on edge.

Surely if the Mallrat's had successfully breached Ram's defences, the city would be rioting against the remaining Technos by now? She'd wanted to go up onto the roof, to see what was going on out there, but Trudy had fixed her with such a mum glare, and made a pointed comment about how well Ebony's last foray up the stairs had gone for her that she'd had no choice other than to sullenly turn back to her cold and forgotten breakfast with a scowl on her face.

Her body hummed with tension as one hour turned into two. The four walls of the cafe were feeling as much a prison as the ones of her late hospital room had. After Jay had left that morning, she'd gathered up her belongings, said an enthusiastic goodbye to that dreadful room and shuffled down the hall to the room her sister had prepared for her. The sight of all the effort and the affection that her sister had put into making the room a home for her had brought a lump to Ebony's throat. She'd dropped her things on the bed and fled to the cafe where she couldn't be reminded of how imminently she might lose her sister.

That's where Siva had found her waiting when the Mallrats had risen at dawn. Ebony couldn't speak when she'd seen her sister walking up the stairs, barking final orders and preparations to the militia. She'd so desperately wanted to protect Siva from what she'd been about to do, but she couldn't, for the first time in a very long time, Ebony was just not strong enough to fight.

She'd reached for her sister's hand, not even caring that the other Mallrats would see the tears shining in her eyes. Ebony hadn't missed the nasty look Siva had shot in Jay's direction as though she'd known exactly how Ebony had come to find out about the plan. Siva had taken her little sister's hand and they'd sat together in silence until Jay had called the Mallrats to arms, and marched them out of the Mall. Siva had kissed her cheek and whispered that she loved her. She hadn't said goodbye. Lex had taken Siva's hand and flashed Ebony a look that told her he would die before anything happened to Siva. Jay hadn't said anything to her; their last conversation had said it all. He'd looked to her as he'd left and she'd gazed into his chocolate brown eyes across the room. And then he was gone; they all were.

That had been hours ago, and there she'd sat in the same seat her sister had left her in, as Trudy and Ellie had attempted to have a normal breakfast and desperately tried to cheer up Sammy and Mouse.

'Something has gone wrong.' She murmured, tapping her fingernails impatiently on the table top.

Trudy glared at her silently, warning her to shut her mouth in front of the kids. Mouse gazed at Ebony with doleful eyes, and suddenly and irrationally, Ebony felt guilty. She looked away and promised to herself that she would in fact keep her mouth shut.

Trudy was commanding this situation; distracting the kids, making sure Ellie wasn't freaking out and keeping Ebony quiet, all the while rocking Bray on her lap and keeping a close eye on Brady who was asleep in her high chair. Whatever the plan was to get them safely out of the Mall if things went bad, then Ebony was willing to bet Trudy was the one who had been told how to put it into play. It made Ebony grind her teeth to know that a stupid naive girl like Trudy had so much power, when Ebony herself at this moment had none.

If something did go wrong, Ebony wanted nothing more than to go straight to the hotel and bargain herself to Ram in exchange for Siva's life. And she could tell that Trudy was keeping a watchful eye on her for that very reason. She didn't have to strength to fight them if Trudy and Ellie decided to drag her off to the Eco's for safety. _I could always come back to the city though, once I was stronger. Trudy couldn't stop me then. But by then it could be too late. _

She chewed her lip, annoyed, agitated and terrified all at once. She couldn't stop tapping her fingers on the table, even when Mouse reached over and put her little hand on top of Ebony's to stop the noise, she took to tapping her foot instead. Even Trudy and Ellie were beginning to run out of optimistic things to say at the four hour mark, their fake smiles dying on their faces. Their small frightened group lapsed into silence, fear etched into all of their faces. Ebony knew she wasn't the only one who was scared she would lose someone she loved today.

She was so angry because she knew the sick feeling in her stomach wasn't just about Siva. She loved him still, and if he died then part of her was going to die too and she hated that. It made her more anxious; and more sick.

'I can't sit here anymore.' She muttered, standing up so brusquely that her chair scraped loudly against the floor, making the others jump.

'Ebony,' Trudy practically growled at her. 'Sit down.'

Ebony threw her a withering look and shoved her chair back even further. As she turned her back on Trudy's annoyed face and walked away with as much swagger as she could force into her walk, given how sore, and bone-tired she was, she was just hoping that Trudy wouldn't try to grab her and drag her back. Because the way Ebony felt now, Trudy could do it and Ebony wouldn't have to strength to fight her, and that would be beyond humiliating.

Thankfully it seemed that Trudy was done pretending she cared whether or not Ebony left the mall and wondered right into the middle of the fight, and she let her go off down the steps to her bedroom.

The feeling of dread refused to leave her, even as she paced across her beautiful new bedroom, up and down, like a caged animal. Her stomach rumbled loudly, but she ignored it. The thought of food made her unsettled tummy feel even worse. She could almost hear the Technos bursting through the doors, zappers blazing, that's how afraid she was it would become a reality. Ebony was not used to being afraid.

_If I'd have walked into that battle at full strength I wouldn't have been afraid. Now I'm cowering in the Mall while Salene and Amber go out and fight the Technos!_ Her mood was darkening by the second.

She plonked herself down on her bed with a sigh. She was still wearing Siva's long white night gown, but she couldn't bring herself to change. The clothes she had been wearing when she'd fled the city had been ruined; covered in blood as she'd half walked, half dragged herself back to the Mall.

She shuddered violently; she tried very hard not to remember the hours she'd spent thinking that any minute she was going to die, desperately trying to make it home before that happened. She had never in her life been so relieved to see the city boundaries, and then it had all gone black. It had been mere chance that Lex and Pride had come across her nearly lifeless body on the outskirts as they searched for Cloe.

Her head snapped up from the bed. She'd heard something. Forgetting her aches and pains she ran as fast as she could to the Mall entrance. Breathing heavily and feeling a little faint, she looked around frantically for Siva, for Jay, but she couldn't see anyone. Dismayed, she moved towards the old sewer entrance, just to check.

Her senses were on high alert for any sound, her ears straining; but there was nothing. The Mallrats weren't home, he sister wasn't safe. She felt the pressure of tears filling her eyes and she forced them back, leaning against the fountain for support. If she was sick of one thing right then, it was crying; she'd cried enough this week to last her a lifetime.

She was trailing her fingers along the bottom of the phoenix's stone claws when she heard the sound again. She whipped her head around so fast that her braids stung her face as they struck her; but she caught movement this time out of the corner of her eye. There was someone hiding down here.

She looked back up in the direction of the cafe briefly before she decided she didn't need anyone's help; least of all Trudy's. She strode forward, ignoring how much it hurt just to move around and confronted the person hiding just behind the one of the Mallrats' old market carts.

'Jack?' she whispered. He was the last person she'd expected; she'd seen him leave with the others that very morning, baseball bat in hand, a hard look on his face. But now, he was the very opposite of the man she'd seen walk into battle this morning.

He sat, his knees pulled up to his chest, hugging himself. Tears ran down his cheeks, his eyes looked sore and puffy. He flinched when he saw her standing in front of him.

'You,' he said stiffly, roughly wiping tears from his face. 'You are the last person I want to see.'

She was shocked; not only because Jack was here and not fighting with the others, but because he'd been nothing but nice to her the few times she'd seen him since she'd returned to the Mall. She had no idea why he was suddenly so angry with her.

'Jack,' she said again, a question in her voice. She went to reach for him, but then thought better of it at the bitterly angry look on his face. He pushed himself to his feet violently and forced his way past her; like he couldn't look at her any more.

Any other day she would have let him strop off; she didn't care what was upsetting the little geek. But today; he was supposed to be out there, fighting with people she cared about. And if he was here... where was her sister?

She followed him as fast as she could; his long, angry strides gave him a great advantage.

'Jack!' she hissed. He did not slow down. 'Jack, where are the others?'

He stopped short in the middle of the corridor. She saw his shoulders droop and the fight go out of him. She knew that if she could see his face; there would be more tears falling down his cheeks.

She neared him slowly, not wanting to make him angry again. He was no longer the little boy she used to bully. He had grown tall, muscular and strong. He was a man now; and Ebony was surprised to find herself a tiny bit afraid of him after his angry outburst before. When he'd shoved past her; he had not been gentle.

'I left them,' he whispered, so quietly she almost didn't hear. 'I'm a coward.' He sank to the floor in front of her, his head in his hands.

Her cheeks flushed; now she was angry. 'You left them?' she snapped, her voice dripping with acid. 'How could you do that? What happened? Have the Techno's taken them?' She reached down and put her hands on his shoulders. When he wouldn't look at her, she squeezed his arms painfully, wishing she could shake the information out of him.

'I don't know,' his voice caught in his throat. 'I left... I left before it even started. I-I was so afraid that they would take me again.'

There was a moment, where time slowed to a painful stop and she remembered the exact look on his face the day she'd stayed hidden and the Technos had swarmed in and taken him away. Her heart thumped painfully, guilt sticking in her throat making her feel sick. He didn't look at her; but he didn't have to. She could see the blame all over his tear-stricken face.

Her hands fell from his shoulders as though burned, and she sat back on the floor, away from him. He didn't seem so much of a man anymore; as he sat there, afraid and ashamed of himself; Ebony felt tears on her own cheeks.

'I'm sorry Jack,' she murmured, unable to look at him. 'I'm sorry I left you there that day.'

His head snapped up and he scowled viciously. 'Don't you dare. Just go away Ebony.' He snarled at her.

She nodded absently; knowing that her presence was probably making it worse, but feeling unable to leave anyways.

'They wouldn't have left you today. Jay wouldn't have left you. They are better people than me Jack, you must know that.' She whispered, staring at her scabby knuckles.

'I know,' he whispered back. He leant back and rested his head against the wall. 'I just... I couldn't...' he stammered.

Her head hurt; she honestly didn't think she endure anymore emotional trauma. Jack was here causing her all kinds of guilt, she still didn't know whether Siva and Jay were dead or not and on top of all that, she'd already lost a child, a boyfriend and nearly died that week.

Jack had stopped crying, and he'd stopped shaking she noticed. That was good; she was quite familiar with post traumatic stress herself, as she woke in a sweaty, shivering state every night from dark dreams about her time in the forest with Amber, Jay and the Technos that had tried to murder her.

Unsure of what else to do; she reached for Jack's hand. It always made her feel better when Siva reached for hers; although she liked her sister a lot more than Jack liked her at that very moment that was for sure.

His hand stiffened under hers but he didn't snatch it away. Tentatively, she curled her fingers around his, and squeezed his hand softly. Ebony didn't know how to be nice; she didn't know how to make anyone feel better, and she certainly didn't know how to apologise. Nervously, she edged closer to where he was sat against the wall. She put her other arm around him and sat close to him.

It was awkward; he was as stiff as a board. She sighed, and tried to rub his back the way Siva had rubbed hers when she'd cried over Jay. Slowly, stiffly, he turned his head towards her, his blue eyes just inches from her green ones. She could tell he had no idea why she was doing what she was doing; so before he could ask or shout at her again she explained.

'Leaving you there that day is my biggest regret,' she said quietly. 'I have nightmares about the look on your face Jack.'

He scoffed and turned away from her, his hand still tense against her own.

'I know you won't believe me, or accept my apology. But I am sorry Jack, so sorry. I didn't help you because... I was scared too.' She let out a breath slowly, hating how pathetic she sounded. She didn't need to make Jack feel better; but it was true; she'd felt so guilty about leaving him there for months and months, and she knew it was her fault that he'd gotten so frightened today. He'd only just made it back to the Mall and they'd sent him out to fight the very people he'd escaped. 'I wanted to be brave and come and rescue you, but there were so many...'

She heard him intake a sharp breath. Obviously they were both remembering how the hundreds of Technos had swarmed in from nowhere and grabbed him. 'My legs turned to jelly, I couldn't move Jack. I was a coward, and I'm sorry.'

He stared straight ahead, still stiff in her arms and didn't make a sound. Ebony figured she'd done all she could do for him; he was like all the other Mallrats; it didn't matter what she said or did, they would hate her any way. And she needed to go; she was tired of being soft.

She moved to get up and leave him when she felt his fingers tighten around hers. His hands were surprisingly warm and tough. She looked down at their hands; afraid to look at his face. Those were a man's hands; they were bigger than hers and he had the kind of calluses on his fingers that came with lots of manual labour.

Siva had speculated that she thought they'd put Jack to work in the mines while he'd been away and that was why he was so strong and muscular now, but she'd told Ebony that Jack refused to talk about where he'd been.

When she'd found him before hiding behind that cart in tears, she'd seen the boy he'd been when she used to bully him in the mall and frighten him in the hotel, but now as she felt the strength in his grip on her hand, it unnerved her that Jack had so much more power now.

'Ok.' He said. And that was all he said. She felt him relax his body against hers. She didn't know if he was forgiving her, or if he was just letting her comfort him. But she would take what she could get she supposed. She let him lean against her, and they stayed that way for a long time before Jack spoke again.

'Why do you think it's taking so long?' he said quietly.

'I don't know,' she said, knowing that the fear was evident in her voice. 'It must be past noon by now.'

'I'm sorry, about... I shouldn't have left them.' His voice cracked with shame.

She ran her fingers across his; they hadn't left hers yet. 'No, Jack, it's ok.' She met his eyes and hoped that he could see how, after everything, she didn't blame him for not being brave. Even if things went badly today she knew she wouldn't blame Jack. That was a strange feeling for her; usually she swore vengeance on whoever or whatever stood in her path, but today she felt different. _Emotionally exhausted probably_ she thought wryly.

He nodded slowly and bit his lip. She knew he would blame himself; but there was nothing she could do about that. She was about to tell him that Ellie was upstairs and would probably be really happy to see that he was safe, when she finally heard them. The footsteps and the shouts of the Mallrats rang throughout the mall, and they sounded victorious.

She was on her feet before she even knew what she was doing; she was running, hand in hand with Jack, to the bottom of the stairs. There was so many people; it wasn't just the Mallrats, half the city was crammed into the mall entrance; joy on all their faces. Her face broke out into a grin.

'We won!' she murmured, turning to smile at Jack. Her smile was lost as he pulled her into his arms. She could feel him laughing happily as his strong arms pulled her tightly to him. She gasped in surprise, the sound getting lost in his chest. She had a moment to slightly enjoy how solid his body felt against hers before he pulled away. With his hands still on her shoulders, he smiled broadly at her, and nodded over her shoulder. She turned to see what he was gesturing to and her heart leapt in her chest.

She threw herself into her sister's arms and burst into tears. For once, she didn't even care if anyone saw her cry, she clung to her sister who was laughing loudly and squeezing Ebony back as hard as she could. Ebony didn't even care when she felt her stitches pop again; she could bleed later, right now she was just so happy her sister was alive! She rained kisses on her sister's cheeks as Siva smiled and wiped Ebony's tears from her face.

'We did it Ebony, he's gone!' she exclaimed.

Ebony felt herself laugh hysterically, her joy and excitement overtaking her. When Lex came over and picked Siva up and swung her around, smiles on both of their faces, she felt like she'd never been happier.

The Mallrats were reuniting and celebrating all around her. She saw Pride kiss Salene with passion; and she saw Sammy and Mouse pull faces at that, as they reached happily for Salene's hands. She saw Ellie jump into Jack's arms, and she smiled as Jack caught her eye over Ellie's shoulder. She saw May, and Patch and Dee, Trudy and Brady, Amber and her son, in amongst the celebrating crowd of the other tribes, everybody was smiling. The Mallrats had not had a day like this in a long time.

She tried not to look for him, as Siva took her hand and lead her through the crowd and up to the cafe, telling her off for popping her stitches yet again. But Ebony couldn't stop herself from scanning the crowd for his face, for his brown eyes.

'Siva?' she said.

Her sister didn't hear, she was too busy calling for Patch to come and see to Ebony, and forcing Ebony down into a chair. Ebony sat, but strained her neck to get a view of the crowd; she couldn't see his blonde hair anywhere.

'Siva?' she asked again, panic creeping into her voice. Surely they wouldn't all be stood here celebrating if anything had happened to Jay?

A tiny part of her brain wanted her to shut up and stop looking for him. Not that that meant any part of her body would obey that command. She felt her body humming with tension, the stress making her feel breathless.

'Siva!' she called again, louder. Her sister responded to the edge in her voice and turned back to her. Ebony reached for her; feeling like her sister was stood miles away from her.

'Where is he?' she whispered, fear spreading through her like cold water and tingling at her fingertips.

She saw Siva's face fall. She saw her sister's eyes fill with sadness and regret. And then she saw nothing; her eyes filled with tears blurring her vision of everything until they poured down her cheeks.


	10. Chapter 10

I know following this story is like drawing blood from a stone; but I appreciate all of you who continue to read it! And as long as I know it takes me; I promise this story will be finished!

...

At first he' believed that he'd survived. He'd taken a shot to the heart from Ram's zapper, but when he'd opened his eyes and seen that he was in the Mall, Jay had really believed that he'd made it. But then he'd realised he must be dead; because he was in hell.

It wasn't the pain that did it, or the fact that he'd woken in the same hospital room he'd seen Ebony laying half dead in only days before, no, it was something much smaller than that; a torture that the Mallrats who came to visit him, or to tend to his wounds wouldn't even know they were forcing him to endure. The pillow, and the sheets; they smelled like her.

It overwhelmed him when he was awake; and invaded his mind in his sleep. It was worse than any punishment she could have dealt him for his betrayal; and it made Jay wish he had died in the battle.

When he was alone in the room, on the edge of sleep, it almost felt like she was lying in the bed next to him. And then he would wake, and remember that that would never happen ever again; and that was like getting shot in the heart all over again.

She hadn't come to visit him. He wasn't so surprised. He saw Trudy the most, after Patch of course. When he asked Trudy how Ebony was; she had sighed and told him Ebony was how she always was. He wasn't sure what that meant; but he didn't expect a visit anytime soon.

Patch had told him there wouldn't be any lasting damage, only that the muscle around his heart had been weakened by the shot and that he needed to rest while his body healed. He wasn't in a lot of pain from the shot, but when he'd fallen, he had fallen backwards down some stairs in the hotel, so he was a little bruised here and there.

It was embarrassing really; he'd lead the Mallrats, and the rest of the city into battle against the Technos and it seemed like he was the only one to really be injured. For that he was thankful though, it could have gone completely differently; but now the city was free of Ram, and Jay was eager to get out into the city and start making a difference. Now, with Mega's help, they could start building schools and hospitals and they would finally get a chance at the future they had been robbed of since the virus.

Well, a future that would start as soon as Trudy would stop guarding his hospital room so vigilantly. When Patch had said Jay needed to rest; Trudy had taken it upon herself to make sure Jay did just that. It was sweet really, she brought him meals and books to read, and she was pleasant to talk to. The only problem was, she wasn't the face he was hoping to see every time the door opened to his room.

Amber had visited him; but it had been an awkward affair. She'd clearly wanted to talk to him about what they'd discussed before the battle; but Trudy had remained in the room for the entire visit, and so in the end Amber had mumbled her get well wishes and left.

He shifted his position in the bed, wishing he could get up and go to his own room at least; anything to escape the intoxicating smell of his beloved that permeated his pillow. But he knew Trudy would be sat out there with her book, like she was every night. He was just drifting off to sleep when he heard shouting outside of his door. He was trying to de-tangle himself from his sheets when the door flew open, banging loudly into the wall.

He looked up to see a desperate and furious Amber stood in front of him. Her face was accusing and blotchy with tears, her hands shook violently, and she shoved herself away from Trudy when Trudy tried to reach for her friend.

'Did you know?' Amber whispered; her voice dangerously low. Pain and anger were etched into every line of her face. Her voice shook.

He blinked; not understanding what she meant. 'Amber I-' He tried.

'Did you know that they had killed him?' she screamed at him, her voice tearing at her throat as tears streamed from her eyes. He saw Trudy gasp out of the corner of his eye; she collapsed in the chair next to his bed, whispering no, no, no over and over again as tears fell unnoticed down her face as well.

Dismay settled over him like being doused by cold water. It could only be Bray. Bray was dead. He reached for Amber blindly, panicking.

'Don't touch me!' She screamed hysterically, flinching away from his touch violently, 'Did you know they had murdered him? Tell me Jay! I want to know if you knew he was dead the day you kissed me!'

It was like she'd slapped him in the face. 'No, Amber, no.' He stammered. He stood there uselessly; feeling like his arms and legs were too big for his body; not responding to his commands like he wanted.

She stood, trembling, sobbing. Still looking at him like it had been his hand that had ended her lover's life. He irrationally wondered how she had found this out, fleetingly, before she was on him, slapping and hitting, trying to make him feel the pain she must be feeling. Trudy didn't even move; she sat there stunned, stock still, like a statue.

The noise had, as always, attracted the others. Pride rushed forward and grabbed hold of Amber's hands, pulling her away from Jay as Salene cried at Amber to stop struggling. She shoved and she pulled trying to get out of Pride's grip, and then she threw herself into his arms, dragging them both to the floor, as she screamed and sobbed. Jay had barely felt the blows; he was as in shock as the rest of them.

He could hear them faintly; asking him what had happened? What was going on here? But he couldn't make himself say it. He heard a buzzing in his ears and he felt like the world was a bit fuzzy. Until it all sharpened when he saw her walk into the room. He staggered towards her and took her hands. She didn't even flinch away from him, as she had the same question in her green eyes as everyone else. He would tell her; he felt like he could only say it to her.

'Bray is dead.' He whispered, clutching her hands like they were a lifeline. He saw her eyes fill with tears, and it broke him more than Amber's tears had. He only ever brought her pain these days.

The room broke out into complete chaos; everyone was crying and shouting and threatening retribution. Amber was a state, Pride was yelling over the noise of everyone else; asking Patch if there was anything he could do for Amber. Trudy and Salene were holding each other and crying just as loudly as Amber was. Grief was in the face of every Mall Rat in the room. Even Lex had unshed tears shining in his eyes; as he held on to Siva as though she could slip away at any moment.

He felt her hands slip from his as she quietly moved away from him and out of the room. He knew her; she wouldn't want to share in the Mallrats' grief, as always she felt apart from them. Without a second thought about any of it; he followed her.

She walked slowly; with none of the swagger her walk usually had, out of the hospital wing and down the stairs where she sat on the edge of the fountain, drawing her knees up to her chest. He could see her cheeks were wet, as they shined in the moonlight. She didn't say anything when he sat down next to her, mirroring her position and pulling his legs to his body. It was cold down here; but he didn't dare offer her any warmth by sitting any closer. He winced slightly as the sore muscles in his chest contracted in the cold air. She looked over at him suddenly when she heard him wince at the pain.

'Two days ago, I thought you were dead,' She whispered, her face unreadable in the dim light.

'Nine days ago I thought you were dead,' he replied hoarsely, looking into her eyes. He knew what she was getting at; as much as she hated Amber, she could empathise with her. They both could; they'd both had to think that they'd lost each other and they had both lost their child.

'I hate you,' she said. Her voice wasn't cold or angry; she spoke with a softness that he didn't know she had in her. She broke their eye contact as she said it; but he knew that she meant what she said.

'I know.' He whispered, nodding. He squeezed his eyes shut at the pain her words brought him; but took it without argument. What did he expect?

'But I'm glad you're not dead.' She finished softly.

He swallowed. That was what he could expect; only that. She was glad he wasn't dead; he guessed he should be pleased of that much at least.

They sat in silence. They could still hear the cries and shouts of grief coming from upstairs.

There were silent tears rolling down her face. Jay didn't know if she was still crying for Bray or for their broken relationship. He took her in; able to look at her properly in the moonlight. She was recovering; but her encounter with the Techno's had taken its toll on her petite frame. Her face and neck were still littered with bruises and cuts in various stages of healing. And he could see from the way she sat; with her weight shifted slightly to one side; that the place where she'd been stabbed was still agonising for her. She had the fingers of her right hand laced protectively over the area. As always; regret and guilt slid though his veins like ice.

She looked so small in her nightwear; he could even see the long scrape across her ankle and that both of her knees were bruised and scratched. He looked down at his own bruised knees; peeking out from the pyjama shorts he'd been given in the hospital and sighed. They had always been so different from each other; she was fire and passion whereas he was level-headedness and stoic pragmatism. They were both warriors however; and right now their grazed knees were the only thing they had in common. Perhaps the only thing they would ever share now. The thought made him smile sadly.

Trudy had asked him yesterday how he could have possibly thought he and Ebony were going to work when they were so different; not to be unkind, she'd been genuinely curious. Jay had just shrugged and feigned tiredness.

What he'd not told Trudy was that Ebony's differences were the things he'd loved most about her. Even in the very beginning; when everyone kept whispering in his ear about what a monster she was, and all of these horrific things she'd done in her past; he'd only been more intrigued by this mysterious and potentially deadly woman. And as he'd learnt each and every reason why she was as deep and as complicated as she was; well, he'd just fallen deeper. But it wouldn't have made a difference to tell Trudy that now. So he'd not wanted to answer.

His whole body ached to hold Ebony; to touch her as she sat on the cold stone; crying in the moonlight. But he refrained; content with the opportunity to spend time in her presence while she would let him.

It had been some time since she'd spoken but he needed to tell her; in a low voice he said: 'When I got here and I found out that you weren't dead... It was like I could breathe again. I _was_ dead until I knew you were alive.'

She nodded silently and wrapped her arms around herself more closely. They sat in silence again, this time for a long time. Amber's cries quietened as the others managed to calm her down and put to bed in the hospital wing.

Mall Rats wondered past them, all in shock. Some headed back to their rooms, some wondered up to the cafe, where they sat, not eating or talking to each other. Jay was surprised when it was Jack who came for Ebony, and not Siva. He was even more surprised when Jack reached out his hand for Ebony, and Ebony took it and left with him, only looking to Jay for a second and looking away again when she met his eyes.

The coldness of the stone fountain had long since seeped into his body, but it was a different coldness that he felt clutch his heart as he watched her walk away from him.

He was exhausted and his injuries ached. The sun would soon rise; but Jay knew he couldn't sleep. He certainly didn't want to go back to that bed. He couldn't bare sleeping on the pillow that smelled so much like her after she'd walked away from him yet again. And he was certainly not going back to the hospital wing; not now that Amber was staying there. He didn't know exactly why she blamed him; but then he thought that maybe he should have realised that the Techno name would tar him for life.

He could have sat there all night; depressed about Ebony and Amber. But he made himself get up. He was wondering aimlessly around the mall, trying to turn his brain off, when Salene found him. She was still in her night clothes.

'Jay,' she said quietly, reaching for his arm, 'We need you in the cafe.' She smiled at him softly; even though her eyes were red from crying and her voice horse.

'I don't know Sal,' he sighed heavily, 'Amber seems to think that... that I was involved. I don't want to intrude.'

He felt her grip on his arm tighten as she squeezed it harder, reassuringly. As he looked up to meet her gaze, he saw no blame there, only a soft sadness. It was one of the things he really liked about Salene; she always had the strength to be a good person, even when she was going through a hard time. He'd seen it when she'd handled Pride's gaming addiction; and he could see it in her now. If she could be strong today; then he supposed it would be cowardly to stay away from the cafe.

'Amber is grieving,' Salene whispered soothingly, 'she doesn't know what she's saying. The rest of us know you; and we know you had no idea Bray had been killed. This is...heartbreaking,' her voice cracked and her eyes shone again with tears. 'But we need our leader tonight Jay. We need you.'

'But I'm not...' he whispered back, genuinely surprised that she would say that.

She smiled softly again and linked her arm through his, tugging him gently in the direction of the cafe. 'Yes you are.' She murmured. 'We have to get through this as a Tribe.'

And he saw when he reached the top of the stairs; that he'd been the only one missing apart from Amber, who was hopefully sleeping peacefully for the time being. He suddenly felt stupid for staying away; Salene was right; they would get through this together. Even though he'd never met Bray, he knew what Bray had meant to the Mall Rats, and he knew that they had always held out for his return. It saddened him deeply to see that hope taken away from his friends.

In true Mall Rat spirit; they were comforting each other. Pride was kindly telling Sammy and Mouse; who didn't really understand the situation; a tale of a brave and kind leader who had righted wrongs and fought against injustice in the City. Salene had gone over to hold Trudy who was crying softly, gripping Brady tightly to her. Lex had his hand in Ebony's as she leant against Siva's shoulder, tears making slow tracks down her cheeks. Jack sat silently on the top step; but responded when Ellie pulled him into a tight, teary hug.

Even the others, who hadn't been Mall Rat's when Bray had been around, or who had never even met Bray, felt the Mall Rat's pain and tried to comfort where they could. Patch had made a large pot of tea and brought over some steaming mugs of hot cocoa for the Mall Rat's who were still in their bed clothes. Dee took the children off to bed, with promises of the best tucking-in they'd ever had.

Jay sat there and watched his tribe; offering condolences to those who came and sat with him or pouring tea and taking it over to those too grief stricken to move. He was so proud of them. He knew that their desire to be there for each other would help them all get through this and he was glad that Salene had come to get him. This was the first time since the virus that he remembered what having a real family felt like.

He held Trudy's hand while she fondly told the group about Bray's basketball days when they were younger. He laughed when Lex regaled them of several tales where Bray and he had come to blows for stupid reasons. He felt tears in his eyes when Pride told them of how he'd known he must give Amber up; because the love that Bray and Amber had shared was meant to be.

Dawn was adding a golden glow to the cafe; as the sun rose and the stories died out. Jay was just about to suggest that they try and get some sleep when he saw Amber walking up the stairs. His heart fell as he saw her face was still soaked with tears; her hair, loose from her zulu knots was matted to her red cheeks. Salene saw her too and went to the top of the stairs to bring Amber into her arms but Amber squirmed free; Jay could see her eyes were hot with anger still.

She glowered at him venomously and in a hoarse voice she whispered. 'Are you still here?'

'Amber!' Salene scolded. 'Jay has as much right to be here as any of us; you know as well as I do that he had nothing to do with this!'

Amber sneered uncharacteristically; her fists were clenching and unclenching at her sides as more tears slid from her sore eyes.

Jay made to quietly leave the cafe; he could deal with her accusations for now. The Mallrats needed peace right now not fighting. He could feel her intense and furious gaze on his back as he crossed the cafe. He stopped when he nearly bumped right into Ebony; she was blocking his path but not looking at him. She was glaring over at Amber. _Oh god no_, he thought, dismayed. Of all the times she could to pick to defend him?!

'Oh _now_ you want nothing to do with Jay? You couldn't have perhaps employed this attitude _before_ you ruined my life?' she snarled sarcastically, the dawn light flashing on her still wet cheeks.

'Ebony,' both he, Siva and Salene murmured in warning. Not that she paid the slightest bit of attention. Jay felt his body fill with dread and tension; everyone in the cafe was looking intently between him, Ebony and Amber.

'This has got nothing to do with you,' Amber whispered furiously; staring daggers at Ebony. 'And you can stop it with your crocodile tears. Do you honestly think anybody here believes for a second that you care Bray is dead? _You_ ruined _his_ life!'

Jay saw Siva's fist clench on the table top, saw Pride suck in an apprehensive breath... saw Jack sigh and put his face in his hands... and he gave up. He'd known eventually that the pair of them were going to scream at each other; he'd just not thought it would be now. He sank, defeated into the nearest chair.

'I don't care what you think,' Ebony spat, 'my opinion of you couldn't be any lower.' Her hands were trembling at her sides.

'Oh really? You said that about Jay and yet here you are, standing up for him? He _cheated_ on you Ebony, and typically you still adore him. Like a loyal dog at her masters feet. When will you understand that no one will ever love you? Bray didn't and Jay obviously didn't either!' Amber screamed her throat raw with anger.

Ebony blinked in surprise but didn't say anything. She didn't have to; Pride and Selene had already shot up from their seats and were trying to gently nudge a tearful Amber back in the direction of her bedroom. Jay was quietly fuming about what she had said, but decided he would wait until a less charged moment to tell her off for it. Everybody was gaping at her in shock; no one had ever seen Amber like this before. She seemed to have ran out of steam however; as she slumped against Salene.

'I'm sorry, I- I shouldn't have said that. Ebony?' Her voice had softened dramatically and she looked imploringly at Ebony, her eyes full of tears. Ebony sneered and turned away; sitting back down next to her sister. Amber swallowed and nodded; she couldn't expect Ebony to accept an apology for an outburst like that.

Look, I didnt come up here to argue with any of you,' she sighed softly. 'I have to tell you all something- It -it's not just me that's lost somebody...' Amber whispered, her voice hitching as tears caught in her throat. 'Mega showed me- he showed me everything. They- they are all gone.'

Pride and Salene dropped her arms suddenly as though she had burned them. There were a few beats of awful silence. Jay felt the colour drain from his face.

'Amber...?' Lex whispered, his voice pained and quiet; the softest Jay had ever heard him speak.

Ambers face bloomed with even more pain than before as she took in the look on Lex's face. Perhaps because he had been one of the original Mallrats, and she knew that this would hurt him the most. Her eyes dropped to the floor as she slumped against the railings of the staircase.

'Tai-san... and Ryan... I'm sorry.' She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

The reaction from his friends was physically painful. Lex cried out in agony, while Salene fell to the floor, her hands covering her face.

'Cloe and Alice too,' Amber breathed, 'KC, Ned, Andy and Tally'.

The Mallrats sat in a shocked silence; the grief so evident on their faces it made Jay's chest so tight that he could hardly breathe. So much death; and it was all because of the Technos. Because of the plague he had brought here. Amber had been right this was all his fault. His eyes burned with unshed tears; he didn't even dare look to the others around him.

Amber looked like she too was in physical pain; she looked up at him, looking him in the eye for the first time since she'd accused him of being aware of Bray's death in his hospital room. Her lips trembled as she looked at him and the air in his lungs failed him as he understood.

'And Ved.' She said. 'I'm sorry.'

...

He didn't even know how he'd gotten himself here. All that mattered now was forgetting. And she would do that. He couldn't think now about what this meant; or what consequences it would bring. His brother was dead. His baby brother had been murdered and Jay had not been there to save him. She would make him forget; she had to. She had always been there, on the edge of his attentions. Perhaps always wanting this from him. Who knew? She was there now; and forgetting, that was all that mattered.

He pulled her closer to him; his lips crushing her own; he ran his fingers through her short purple hair. She moaned breathily against his mouth; making lovely sounds that helped him forget; her hands searching across the planes of his back and pulling at his neck.

This was helping; this is what he needed, he was sure of it. Backing her against the edge of the bed, and pushing her softly backwards he never lost contact with her lovely, soft mouth. She wanted him and he was happy to oblige her; Trudy, his loving nurse maid of the last week. He needed looking after right now; needed a distraction. And she was there and willing; this was what he needed. He tried to tell himself.


	11. Chapter 11

She sat in the doorway of her new bedroom; unable to go inside, but still seeking the protection that the room her sister had lovingly made into her bedroom, offered her. She pulled her knees to her chest, hugging herself tightly.

All throughout the Mall she could hear the sounds of pain and grief. She could hear Lex crying and yelling from the room across the hall that he shared with Siva. She could hear her sister trying to console him. But poor Siva; she hadn't known Ryan, and she'd never seen what Tai-san had meant to Lex. Ebony could have gone over there to help; she could have stayed in the cafe and helped any of the Mallrats, she certainly could have tried to help Jay... But she was afraid. It was the same fear that kept her on the threshold of her lovely new bedroom.

_To love something is to be destroyed by it_ she thought bitterly, tears pooling in her eyes. She'd read that in a book somewhere, before the virus. It had resonated with her and had become part of her.

Love was a weakness that she hadn't been able to afford once the virus had destroyed everything good and kind in the world. She'd even pushed her sisters away in those first few months; preferring to have her only family hate her, rather than to have watched as the chaos and destruction of the new world destroyed them. This very evening, the Mallrats were being destroyed by the things that they had loved. She'd been lucky; she hadn't lost any one on _this_ night. Her beautiful sister had been sat next to her in the cafe, full of life. And Jay, well, it hadn't been death that she had lost him to.

Ebony had loved; and look what that had done to her; she was destroyed, heartbroken. Alone. The only thing she had left was Siva; and that frightened her. What if Siva had been on Amber's list of names tonight? She didn't honestly know if she'd have been able to go on living. But she couldn't stop loving her sister; sitting on the edge of the room her sister had filled with lovely things didn't make her any less attached to her. She knew that if she packed a bag and left the Mall now she could potentially save herself and her sister a lot of future pain; but she wouldn't and couldn't do it. She guessed that made her selfish. She needed Siva. _I guess that makes you just as weak as the Mallrats_ she thought, annoyed with herself, _and look what they are going through tonight! _She huffed out a breath and wiped the tears from her cheeks roughly. She was sick of crying.

She was just about to make herself venture properly into her new bedroom when the sound of a door slamming in the almost silence of the grey dawn, made her jump out of her skin. _Who the hell..? _She asked herself, irritated that she'd allowed herself to be caught unaware.

It was Jack, she watched him stride angrily past the phoenix in the direction of the mall's huge front exits. He stopped still when he saw her. She looked up, meeting his eyes questioningly. He didn't answer, but she saw most of the anger drain from his tense shoulders. He walked over to her without saying anything, and then walked past her; into her bedroom. He threw himself down onto her bed; where he lay, looking up at the ceiling. Surprised, and slightly unimpressed that he no longer seemed to be even remotely afraid of her like he had been when they were younger, she cleared her throat at him expectantly.

Without even looking at her, or removing his eyes from the ceiling he asked her: 'Why are you sat outside of your bedroom?'

She narrowed her eyes crossly; Jack had become a lot more shrewd and perceptive in his older age. She decided it was a trait of his she was not fond of; Jay had been perceptive too, and he had undone her.

'Why are you sat _inside _of my bedroom?' She countered snarkily, picking at her fingernails and avoiding the subject of his question.

He raised himself up to his elbows so that he could look at her while he spoke. He sighed and said, 'Ellie is... heartbroken obviously. Alice...' he trailed off, not having to say anymore.

Alice. The sound of her name sliced through Ebony like hot lightening. Just another person she'd allowed herself to care about and been hurt because of it. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

'I know,' she murmured, 'But that doesn't really explain what you are doing here.'

'She's... inconsolable. I can't- there's nothing I can say or do to help. She asked me to leave.' He swallowed visibly. She could see the hurt in his eyes, even in the dim early morning light. She shot him a level look. He shook his head, a rueful smile on his face. 'Well, she screamed at me to leave.'

She was about to reply when she heard a burst of profanities come from Siva and Lex's room. Followed swiftly by her sister's purposeful exit and a sharp bang as the door slammed shut. From where she was sat, Ebony could see her sister striding up the stairs, back towards the cafe. _Poor Siva._

'Looks like none of the Mallrats are willing to share their pain,' she suggested, raising a sarcastic eyebrow in Jack's direction.

'I don't think that's-' Jack tried, his brow furrowing.

'Whatever Jack.' She cut him off swiftly, not wanting to listen to his explanation of the Mallrats' grief.

'Have you spoken to Jay yet?' he asked, promptly changing subjects to one she wanted to talk about even less. She glowered at him and shrugged a non committal shrug.

She was afraid of Jay more than she was afraid of her sister. She couldn't shake the love she'd had for him no matter how she tried. The conversation by the fountain earlier had been agonising; every second she'd been fighting the urge to pull him into her arms. And then when Amber had told them that Ved had died too... she hadn't even been able to look at him. She was a coward; she knew. But she couldn't comfort him; she couldn't let herself give in to him again. His pain hurt her too much; she knew that she would do anything to ease it and in doing so she would lose herself to him again. It sounded callous; but he was her greatest weakness and she had to cut herself off from him.

'Don't you think-?' He started.

'I don't think it's any of your business. That's what I think.' She snapped, more harshly than she'd intended. It's not like she had a long list of people willing to spend time with her like Jack seemed to be.

But Jack didn't seem to be phased by her rudeness; he simply shrugged and flopped down onto his back again.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Jack had found some knick-knack or other that Siva had placed on her bedside cabinet and was throwing it up in the air above his head and catching it just before it hit him in his face.

Ebony was pretending to be uninterested; studying her nails once again, but she secretly watched him out of the corner of her eye, gleefully waiting for it to hit him in his head. It didnt; he was far too quick, much to Ebony's disappointment.

They both raised their eyes to the corridor as they saw the door to Lex's room wrench open; Lex stalking out, and heading up the stairs. _To find and apologise to Siva I hope._

Jack must have seen the look on her face. He said: 'It's not how you think it is you know. Lex... and Ellie... they just need their space. They aren't acting that way to hurt anybody.'

'Ha, you're naive Jack,' she muttered. 'Or perhaps you don't know what it's like because you were always part of them. The Mallrats... they have a way of being very exclusive. Even in their grief it would seem.'

She saw him move into a sitting position out of the corner of her eye, but she refused to look at him properly.

'Is that what you think?' he asked. He sounded like he was sad for her. That made her angry.

She laughed harshly. 'You heard Amber in the cafe Jack. She said no one would believe I was crying for Bray. Because my grief isn't good enough; only the Mallrat's could possibly understand.'

'That's not true Ebony,' he said stubbornly, shaking his head.

'Yes it is. What did Ellie say to you before she kicked you out Jack?' She didn't know why it was so important that he see this from her point of view, but she pushed the subject, knowing full well that that was quite a personal question.

He took a second before he answered, and she thought for a second that he was refusing to answer.

'She said... She said that I didn't understand what it was like. To lose a sister.' He conceded. 'But it had nothing to do with her being a Mallrat. I'm a Mallrat too Ebony, and so are you, whether you like it or not.'

'I am nothing like them.' She snapped. Fully meaning every word.

Jack seemed taken aback by that. He moved down to sit on the floor next to her; she saw him shiver as he sat on the cold floor. She was long past numb.

'Ebony..?' he asked, trying to reach for her hand. She snatched it out of his reach, suddenly furious with him. Her eyes burned with unshed tears but she wasn't sure why she was so upset.

'You think they are so great, but the Mallrats are weak! They love too easily, forgive too frivolously and trust people who never deserved it. And they get hurt. Of course they do, but they never learn! That's why it's so easy for tribes like the Chosen and the Technos to destroy the Mallrats. They are pathetic!' she spat. Her tears were hot and they burned her cheeks as they fell.

'Ebony, what-? He asked, clearly panicking. If she'd have been able to, she might have laughed at his flustering. As it happened her throat was constricting with emotion; even talking was painful.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut; forcing out her tears in an attempt to get rid of them. She turned away from him; trying to hide her face. She had no idea why she was suddenly so angry with the Mallrats. None of this death was their fault and she knew that. Didn't she?

'Just forget it Jack. I want you to go.' She whispered, trying to wipe the tears from her face. More fell in place of each one she wiped away.

'No Ebony I- Please talk to me?' she heard him beg, from somewhere behind her. She shook her head angrily. Jack always used to do as she said; she had never had to tell him twice. Clearly he'd grown a little back bone during his time with the Technos. It was infuriating.

She shoved herself to her feet; half blinded by her tears and rounded on him. 'Just go Jack,' she half yelled at him through clenched teeth. She wanted to scream at him, but she was still aware that it was 5:30 in the morning. She glared at him ferociously; like she used to, expecting him to scamper away with his tail between his legs. But he didnt; he did something surprising.

He grabbed her; pressing his fingers hard into her shoulders. It didnt hurt her; but it certainly got her attention. She tried to flinch angrily away from him but he held her tight. Her eyes widened in surprise; Jack had never been strong. And he had _never_ been stronger than her. The surprise made her stop struggling against him suddenly.

She looked at him; truly looked at him, for the first time since he'd wondered back into the Mall, months ago, half crazed from trying to avoid Ram's spy cameras. Her eyes grazed over his strong fingers that were still curled around her shoulders and up across his forearms and shoulders. Under his skin she could see the movement of strong sinewy muscles; straining as he tried to calm her. She could see the same lean strength continue up his neck, above the line of his t-shirt. She could imagine how his flat stomach and his much broader than she remembered, back and shoulders might look underneath his t-shirt. She met his hazel eyes with her own green ones; though there was worry shining in his eyes, she could see strength in the planes of his face. He wasn't the boy she had known at all. He was kind of beautiful.

'What's wrong?' he whispered. His face was so close to hers she felt his breath travel across her mouth. She shivered involuntarily. She had absolutely no clue what was going on with herself right then. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation.

Her stomach still burned with bitter anger, not even the feeling of his strong, warm hands on her shoulders could make it go away.

'Everyone is so hurt,' her voice cracked. She couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. She couldn't stop herself from being honest with him. It seemed it was her turn to be a sobbing mess while he tried to comfort her; and it was not a concept she was familiar with. 'They should have known! Why do they always do this? And then they are so surprised when it all goes wrong! I wouldn't have done it, I didn't, which is why I'm perfectly fine now!'

He narrowed his eyes for a second and stared into hers. She knew she was rambling; but he was trying to make sense of her anyway. She couldn't look away from him; she was almost thankful that her tears blurred the sight of his concerned face.

'You mean...' he hesitated slightly, his fingers squeezing her shoulders in a movement she was sure he had not meant to make. 'You think that if the Mallrats hadn't cared so much about each other, it wouldn't hurt this much when they lost each other?'

'No,' she whispered quickly, defending herself. He wasn't supposed to know how she felt, no one was. She tried again to wrench herself away from him, but he only pulled her closer.

'Yes you do, that's why you're so upset.' He stated, his eyes alight with insight. She cursed his very existence; glaring at him sulkily. 'But Ebony,' he continued softly, 'I don't think you're really angry with them. I think you're upset about the Mallrat's we lost tonight. Because you cared about them too.'

That earned him a full on scowl; she was this close to hitting the stupid boy in the face when he pulled her into a tight embrace. Her throat burned and her eyes continued to sting with bitter tears. 'I don't understand,' she whispered, a sob threatening to crack her voice. She clutched his shoulders tightly; feeling like if she let go of him; she would be lost. She didn't understand; she hurt, on the inside, the same way she had when she'd woken up to find that she'd lost a child she'd never even known about. She hadn't cried then though, there had been no arms to hold her, or tears to shed.

His arms tightened around her waist. He whispered in her ear. 'This is grief Ebony, this is what grief feels like.'

_Oh. _She hadn't thought... but he was right. She'd thought that she was ok, that she was protected because she hadn't loved the Mallrats that had been killed. But that wasn't true...

Her chest bubbled painfully and she allowed a small sob to escape her this time. It didn't matter; no one could see her, her face was buried in Jack's neck. She cried softly into his chest; her fists clenching; scrunching up the material of his shirt. She felt tears of his own fall and land on her cheek.

'I guess you're a Mallrat after all Ebony,' he whispered softly. She just pulled him closer.

After she was finally out of tears she pulled back slightly and looked up at him. He was looking at her too; his eyes were shining. She smiled softly. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I honestly thought that I was... you know... not upset.'

'That's ok,' he whispered. His voice was husky with emotion and he smiled softly at her. He made no move to separate himself from her. And neither did she. If she was honest; it was nice to be in someone's arms again. Even if it was only temporary. If she was even more honest, the feeling of Jack's lean, hard body against hers wasn't at all unpleasant.

Her breath caught in her throat as her shoulders softly hit her bedroom wall. He'd moved them slightly and she was now trapped between the wall and his deliciously tempting, new, grown up body. He was looking at her with a look she could not read at all; but it stopped her from trying to wriggle free; which had been her very next intention. This was not right; it was Jack for god sake!

But the way he was looking at her; and the feeling of his lean, muscular body pressing against the full length of hers was difficult not to enjoy, even if it was Jack.

There was no chance of escape anyway; Jack still had his arms wrapped around her lower body and he didn't seem to be in any rush to let go of her. He moved just a little closer and she could feel the slight pressure of his hip bones against her body. Her mouth popped open in surprise and her breath came out ragged. What the hell? Was she enjoying this?

She looked up into his face, trying to ascertain his motives; trying to figure out what exactly he thought he was doing and why he wasn't moving away from her. His eyes were roaming her face. He caught her eyes and blushed slightly which was incredibly sweet. She felt her lips curve into a smile. He still didn't move away. She liked that even after all this time, even though he had matured so much and grown so strong, she could still make him blush like he had when he'd been the little orange haired boy that she remembered.

The way he was looking at her was too much. She attempted to wriggle away, partly to make it look like she was at least trying to escape, but a little bit to get her hands on more of him. Her hands had been trapped between her body and his hard chest; but now she reached them up and ran them over his shoulders. They were beautifully broad and hard. She couldn't help but look into his eyes as she moved her hands over his shoulders and down the planes of his sculpted back.

She still didn't quite understand what she was doing or what was going on. She had no clue what he was doing never mind why he wasn't stopping her! His eyes gave nothing away; but she thought that there was the faintest hint of a dare in them. That was interesting; she liked this side of him. She raised her eyebrows at him and rested her hands on the small of his back, just above the waistband of his trousers; mirroring where his hands were on her body.

She studied his face again. He was the Jack she'd always known, but he wasn't somehow. He was a man now; he was older, tougher, stronger; sexier. But he was still Jack and this was still ridiculous.

She laughed, a little nervously; her voice was still rough from crying before. 'What are you doing?'

He gazed at her for a long time before whispering: 'I kind of don't know...' He smiled, and moved even closer to her. Every part of his body was touching every part of hers now. Ebony smiled, closing her eyes and just enjoying how good he felt. She would worry about the consequences of this later.

She could feel his warm hands resting on the skin of her lower back where her pyjama top had ridden up slightly, and her stomach lurched in the most pleasant way. Without opening her eyes, and without really knowing or caring what she was doing, she slowly slipped her hands under his t-shirt and pressed them onto the cool skin of his lower back. She heard him gasp, and her smile deepened.

She felt his cheek graze hers as he pressed the weight of his entire body against her and the wall. Her skin was on fire where his touched hers and she arched her back; pressing herself into him completely involuntarily. Her eyes fluttered with pleasure and she was almost breathless as she felt his lips brushing along the length of her jaw. She turned her head to him, wanting his lips on hers.

The echoing boom of yet another door slamming snapped them both out of the spell they'd been under. Jack jerked away from her and she pushed herself away from him, banging her head against the wall with a thud.

'Ouch,' she complained, rubbing the back of her head softly.

Jack ran his hand over his face and sighed, looking in the direction of the noise.

'I- Oh my God Jack; what was that?' She demanded. Her chest was heaving; her pulse and breath were racing. 'You... you're still with Ellie! Aren't you?'

He looked just as worse for wear as she did, she could see him struggling for breath as he answered her. 'I don't- It's complicated Ebony...' he trailed off, sighing. 'But I should know better; I know what you've been through recently. I'm sorry.'

He was god damn right to be sorry. She didn't need him complicating her already overly complicated love life! And on top of what was going on in the Mall at the moment..!

'I think we maybe just got carried away. In the... emotion of everything. I'm sure it won't happen again.' She whispered, completely unable to look him in the eye.

'I truly am sorry. I didn't meant to make you feel uncomfortable,' he was smiling, it made her want to smile; she'd not had a reason to smile in such a long time. He made to put a soft hand on her shoulder. She flinched away awkwardly.

'You didn't make me feel uncomfortable,' she gasped. She could see the hurt building in his eyes. She shouldn't have done that; but she couldn't let him touch her again. _That's what got you into this mess! _'I just... well, it's complicated isn't it Jack?' she finished, a little snappishly she could admit. But he had no right to look all upset that she wouldn't let him touch her. After what had just almost happened! She was annoyed that he was making her feel guilty about it.

She looked at him peevishly; wanting him to remember that he too was in a complicated relationship and it was not just her fault that this was awkward. He seemed to, after a moment or so.

'You're right,' he cleared his throat and shrugged, smiling an easy smile. 'What do you say to just being friends?'

She found it impossible not to smile with him. 'Fine,' she conceded, uncrossing her arms. 'But you keep your hands to yourself,' she smirked.

He held up his hands in surrender. 'I promise.'


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys; thank you so much for the lovely reviews. Im glad you're as excited about the new relationships as me! I think the messier their lives become; the more fun it is for us to read about Jay and Ebony. So here you go... a nice long chapter! xx

'Stand down,' Ebony shouted from where she stood on the ledge of the fountain. Her eyes raked slowly across the six scruffy looking young men who stood in front of her; all breathing heavily because of the military drill she'd just had them complete. 'One painful duty makes the next plainer and easier,' she quoted, 'I want you to think about that while you run around the mall car park. Fifty times. I'll be watching.'

They grumbled and shuffled; but one glowering stare from her got them moving away from her and in the direction of the car park.

She sat on the base of the fountain for a moment to catch her breath; shouting at them had really taken it out of her. It had been about a month since she'd woken up in the Mall hospital; but because there had been no way to replace the blood she had lost; she still found herself short on oxygen, as her body took its time replenishing her red blood cells. It was very inconvenient; she did not like to appear weak.

In an attempt to ignore her injuries and to make sure nobody thought for a second that she wasn't as strong as she'd always been; she had volunteered to help her sister train the militia. What she hadn't known at the time was that the boys Siva had picked out were as green as the spring grass. And she certainly hadn't known that after their blazing row over Taisan a few weeks ago; Siva was going to abandon her to Militia duty; as her and Lex hadn't been seen out of their room for days. Apparently they had decided to make up.

Ebony would have bailed too; she wasn't about to go all warm and fuzzy and start doing pro bono favours for the Mallrats, but she'd had to do _something_.

In the wake of Ram's defeat; Mega had taken over as leader of the Technos and was promising peaceful coexistence and harmony within the city. Which was all well and good in theory; but there had been a downside to Ram's defeat too; without the game to convince people to shovel coal at the power station, there were almost constant power failures. As electricity was a luxury the city's inhabitants had gotten quite used to; it had sparked small riots here and there, whenever there was a power shortage.

Naturally Lex was doing his usual, masterful job at keeping the peace as the Sherriff; meaning; he wasn't doing anything. Jay and Amber had teamed up; much to Ebony's annoyance, to head out into the city to convince people to 'get back to work'. Ebony had scoffed then and she scoffed now when she pictured them canvassing the city kids to work for free; they had no chance.

And so this was her contribution, if you could call it that. She was training these boys to defend the Mall. Because she was bored; and because she was avoiding Jay, and Jack, _and_ Amber, and well, pretty much most of the Mallrats. But also because deep down she feared that defending the Mall might become a necessity. Already the kids were blaming the Mallrats for taking away the power. Mega could promise all the food, hospitals and schools in the world; and those kids stupid kids still wanted Ram's poisonous Game.

She sighed; sick of the never ending life or death situation that her life had become. Even worse than the rioting was Mega's talk of building a wall around the city; to protect them, he said.

All this; because Java had escaped the room she'd been locked up in after the battle; and had apparently been seen building an army on the outskirts. Ebony usually wouldn't have given a crap about her oldest sisters' latest scheme; but there were rumours, just rumours of course, that Java wanted to take back the city. Not in the name of Ram like you would expect; but in the name of Zoot, and of power and chaos.

The thought made Ebony feel sick; so she cast it from her mind. She had other things to worry about; she still had to spend the rest of her afternoon shouting at the boys and punishing anyone who fell behind. She kind of liked being in charge of something again; it had been too long. Jay had blinded her to what was really important; their relationship had robbed her of her ambition. _Well not anymore, _she thought, _this militia will be fierce and it will be mine. Once I make these boys warriors, others will come; begging to join my army._

She arrived in the underground car park to the sweet sight of exhaustion. The boys were huffing and puffing; but were still dragging their sorry selves around the car park. She smirked, pleased. They hadn't even attempted to slack off in her absence. After their first day with her as their new drill sergeant; they had leaned the price of disobeying her. And now they never did. She was good at this, she had to admit.

She remembered a conversation she'd once had with Bray, where he had told her the same thing. Back when he'd wanted to change her from being the queen locust, to being a Mallrat puppet for him and Danni. And she had thought about it, once or twice, because she had loved Bray. But in the end she had loved being a leader more. The empire she had built from the hotel both before and after the Chosen had taken her down, had been fearsome and something to behold. After fixing the election for City Leader in her favour she'd had this city in the palm of her hand...

'How times have changed,' she muttered under her breath, chagrined. Nobody, it seemed, feared her very much anymore. When she walked through the city streets; there was no respect from the other kids, not anymore. They didn't even shout abuse at her anymore for selling them out to the Technos and becoming Ram's wife; they didn't care enough about her to hate her anymore. It stung her pride severely.

Just that very morning, little Mouse had shuffled over from where she'd been eating her breakfast with Pride and Salene, to Ebony's table, where she had taken Ebony's hand, smiled sweetly and asked Ebony if she could watch the Militia training today. Ebony had been surprised that the girl was brave enough to speak to her at all, never mind take her hand. She remembered when Cloe and Patsy would cower when Ebony had walked into a room. She sighed crossly, clenching her fists; those days were definitely gone.

As though she'd sensed that Ebony was thinking of her; Mouse wondered out of the mall, holding two cups of tea in her tiny hands. She passed one to Ebony and smiled at her. There was a hint of a smirk in that smile. Ebony wasn't surprised at all; despite the fact that she had stiffly barked out the response she was sure Salene had been listening for: that Mouse couldn't come because it was not a child friendly environment, here Mouse was. There was something Ebony liked about this little girl. She took the hot cup of tea from Mouse with a smirk of her own.

'Shouldn't you be in sowing class or whatever with Salene?' she mocked, arching her eyebrow at the little girl.

Mouse took a sip from her own tea; the mug looking huge in her hands. She grimaced, 'No, its cooking class today. Don't you think telling Salene that I would bring you tea was a good idea? I got out of class _and_ got to come down here and see the boys run!'

_Even after I told you that you weren't allowed_, Ebony thought to herself, amused.

She was proud of herself; this clever little girl. Ebony definitely liked her. She nodded slightly, the corners on her mouth twitching. She sat down on a big slab of concrete just next to them and motioned to the space next to her so that Mouse could join her if she wished.

The girl eagerly followed. Ebony saw her smile in relief; as though she'd still been worried that Ebony would tell her to go back to class.

'Is Salene expecting you back?' Ebony glanced, sidelong at the little girl and took a sip of her tea.

'Probably,' was all Mouse said, shrugging.

Ebony scoffed. Well if Mouse wanted to get herself in trouble with Salene, it had nothing to do with her. And she didn't so much mind the company; the child was not as unpleasant as Ebony had expected.

'How long will they be running?' Mouse asked her; kicking her feet back and forth into the concrete she was sat on.

'A long time,' Ebony said sternly, not really knowing how to have a conversation with someone as young as Mouse. She'd barely been talking to anyone recently; what with her sister _more_ than too busy in Lex's room, and with her list of people she was avoiding growing day by day.

The little girl laughed at Ebony's stiff answer, surprising the older girl again. 'They look like they are about to faint!'

She allowed the girl a small smile. 'They are not fit enough,' she explained, loud enough for her boys to hear as they trudged past, 'The real training hasn't even begun yet.'

'You haven't taught them to fight yet?' Mouse squeaked incredulously, her eyes wide. 'But you've been training them for ages!'

'Basic fitness must come long before the ability to defend one's self Mouse,' she explained.

Mouse wrinkled her nose in confusion. She hadn't understood. This was new to Ebony; she'd never had to adapt to talking to a child before.

'They have to be strong,' she tried again, 'before they can fight. If they are weak they won't be able to win a fight against anyone. Even you could beat them.' She said, smiling slightly.

Mouse's face lit up at that, and Ebony couldn't help the genuine smile that spread across her face. She hadn't wanted to warm up to this girl; but she was nonetheless. Patch had warned her that there might be some hormonal side effects from her pregnancy, and perhaps it was because Mouse reminded her a lot of what she'd been like at that age.

'Salene told me a story once about a mouse that scared away a lion! I bet I could scare the Militia away too!' Mouse giggled enthusiastically.

Ebony laughed and widened her eyes in mock surprise. 'Well don't do that! What would I do if you frightened them away?'

'You'd have to come to cooking class with me,' Mouse smirked.

'A fate worse than death I am sure...' Ebony muttered dryly in response.

'Maybe for you,' Mouse replied swiftly. Ebony thought at first that perhaps the girl was insulting Ebony's ability to cook, but she continued. 'Jay is in the cafe.'

'Ahh I see,' Ebony murmured, surprised at how shrewd the little girl was. There wasn't a lot she didn't notice it would seem.

'Plus,' Mouse continued chatting away, 'He's helping Trudy do the washing up; and she is _so_ in love with him. It's _so_ gross!'

That made Ebony burst out laughing in surprise. She should perhaps have been hurt or upset about that; but the idea of Trudy and Jay was so... ridiculous, that it was hilarious.

'What makes you think she's in love with him?' She laughed, draining the rest of her tea. 'Hey! Anyone that falls behind the pace runs a lap for every second it takes him to catch up!' she barked at one of the boys, Matty, she thought his name was. He rapidly doubled his pace and caught up with the others.

Mouse had flinched when she'd yelled. 'Sorry,' she said, resisting the urge to put her hand on the girls shoulder, 'The meaner I am to them, the faster they will be strong enough.' She explained.

Mouse nodded and said with distaste on her pretty face: 'I know she fancies him because she giggles like a _girl_ when Jay talks to her. It's annoying.'

'Trudy does than when any man talks to her,' Ebony snarked bitchily, before she remembered who she was talking to. She scrambled to think of something else to say but Mouse was just nodding. _Children are strange._

'How old are you Mouse?' She asked.

'I don't know... About 8 I think.'

Nobody really knew these days. Ebony couldn't have said how many years it had been since the Virus. She thought it had been about 4, but there was no way to ever know. She nodded thoughtfully at Mouse's answer. If Mouse was 8, then she could feel a little less guilty about bad mouthing Trudy in front of her. At lease she thought 8 was old enough for that... but what did she know; she didn't know any children and she knew even less what was good for them and what wasn't.

They sat together, drinking their tea. Mouse asked a lot of questions; but for once Ebony didn't mind being pestered. Talking to someone else, even someone as young as Mouse stopped her from being alone with her thoughts and dwelling on the sad state of her life.

She and Mouse took turns counting the laps; letting the boys run more than she had originally promised them. Usually they would moan when she made them work harder than they had to; but Mouse was bouncing up and down with excitement and her enthusiasm was infectious. The boys ran their last few laps with smiles on their faces as Mouse challenged them to lap after lap. When they boys eventually hit their limit they told Mouse that next time she visited their training sessions; she could be in charge. Ebony smirked at this and she told them they could go home. Luckily for the sweaty boys; the water didn't seem to be failing in the same way the electricity was.

It was late afternoon now; Ebony picked up hers and Mouse's tea cups. Mouse took her hand as they walked back towards the mall. Ebony tensed; not used to the contact, or the familiarity that Mouse was showing her today. She sighed internally, and cursed Siva for making friends with the little girl, which was _clearly_ why Mouse thought that she and Ebony were friends too. She had to admit though; she hadn't hated spending time with the little girl. _What the hell, your reputation is in tatters anyway! _She thought_. _And so she wrapped her fingers around the little girls and walked with her back into the Mall.

They walked up the stairs and into the cafe; true to what Mouse had told her; Salene and Trudy were cooking for the evening meal.

'Mouse!' Salene exclaimed, catching sight of the little girl. 'Where on earth have you been?'

Ebony almost dropped the little girl's hand guiltily; not wanting to be told off by Salene, or receive yet another one of Salene's: 'Ebony, if you're going to live in the Mall...' speeches. She felt her fingers grip tighter on Mouse's. Quite to her surprise; she found that wanted to stick up for the little girl.

'I made Mouse stay downstairs with me.' She rushed to think of something.

Salene raised a suspicious eyebrow, her eyes travelling down from Ebony's face, to bore into Mouse's. To her credit, Mouse had the stones to not look even a little bit guilty.

'Ebony wanted me to stand watch; to make sure no one saw that we are training a new Militia. It was dead boring! And I missed cooking class!' She huffed and sighed, and did cute, little girl things.

Ebony felt her eyes widen as the child told a flawless and completely believable lie. She righted her face just in time to receive a 'you're so difficult' look from Salene, complete with a sigh, and a roll of her eyes.

Ebony huffed in response; even though she wasn't really annoyed with Salene. She was just keeping the situation believable.

'We need to be safe Salene.' She drawled disdainfully 'I think security is far more important than your stupid little cooking class.'

Salene rolled her eyes again but refused to be engaged in an argument; nodding forgivingly at Mouse and going back to the cooking. It was a little surprising actually; Salene had clearly matured in recent years. Ebony used to be able to get a rise out of her in less than five seconds flat.

Mouse squeezed her fingers and looked up to Ebony, smiling thankfully. Ebony twisted her mouth into a half smirk, half smile. This child was naughty.

Mouse wondered off into the kitchen and Ebony sat down at one of the tables in the cafe, deliberately not offering to help. Mouse weaved in between Salene and Trudy, stealing little handfuls of food and popping them in her mouth before either of the two older girls noticed that anything was amiss.

Laughing quietly Ebony leant back in her chair and closed her eyes. She was looking forward to telling Siva about her adventures with Mouse today. Her sister thought Mouse was a little angel; 'just like me when I was younger' she'd said. Well, Ebony was looking forward to informing her dear sister that actually the child was far more like _her_, when she'd been little. A little devil behind an adorable face.

It felt nice to sit down. Spending the afternoon sat on that concrete block had made her back stiff and sore. The cafe was warm and smelled like pasta sauce; and for the first time in a long time she could say that she was having a genuinely nice day.

A pair of hands suddenly came down hard on her shoulders, causing her to jump out of her skin and make an embarrassing little squeak sound. Her eyes flashed open as her cheeks flushed angrily. She heard the irritating sound of Lex's obnoxious laughter before she saw his stupid face. _Perfect day ruined _she snarled to herself.

'Lex,' she hissed accusingly. Glaring at him furiously.

He just laughed and laughed, sitting down next to her, taking up all of her table space. Siva slipped into the chair opposite him, her face alight with amusement and her hands entwined with Lex's.

Clearly neither of them were going to apologise for making her jump. They were giggling to each other and were disgustingly in love. How wonderful it must be for them.

'You ape,' she snipped at him, folding her arms across her chest. Not caring in the slightest how petulant she looked. Stupid Lex. Honestly, she could punch him in his face and he would still have that ridiculous smirk in place. _I would enjoy punching him in his face actually..._ she sighed wistfully, glaring balefully at the Sherriff.

Her sister tried to pull her out of her sulk by asking her about the Militia and about her day; and despite Ebony's best efforts, it worked and she was dragged into the conversation. She was smiling and laughing again before she even knew what was happening. And when she noticed, she felt a sense of relief wash over her. After the last few weeks, she'd honestly believed that she might never be happy again.

The cafe had filled up considerably since she and Mouse had come in to make their excuses. Dinner was taking much longer to make that night because the power kept cutting out. They were taking turns to go downstairs and trip the circuit breaker. Ebony was keeping her head down because she knew that the circuit box was near Jack's room.

Mouse came to sit with them for a little while; she sat in Siva's lap while Siva braided her hair for her. Others came to join them at their table; Pride and Ellie, and Patch and Dee. She hadn't felt this at home with the Mallrats since, well, ever.

She was having such a pleasant evening that she barely had the chance to get upset when Jay walked in. She hardly even noticed in fact, or at lease she wouldn't have, if she hadn't seen Trudy flinch at the sight of him. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously when she saw Jay's cheeks turn slightly pink in response to Trudy's actions. Come to think of it; Trudy had had a similar response before when Ebony had walked in with Mouse... It was almost as if-

'Ebony!'

'What?' she tore her eyes away from where Trudy had scurried back into the kitchen; far away from Jay, and looked to see what Lex wanted.

'It's your turn! Get your butt down there and do the power switch.' He teased. Oh he thought he was very funny and charming. He'd been very nice to her recently, something Ebony knew had very much to do with her sister, and she had noticed that he really turned on the brotherly teasing when Siva was around to see the effort he was making.

She audibly growled at him, rolled her eyes and sprang up out of her seat before he could say anything else. She could still hear him laughing from the bottom of the stairs; she could also hear her sister telling him off for bossing her around. It made her smile to think that Siva thought for a second that she needed to stand up for Ebony. To Lex of all people! Sometimes it was startlingly obvious that Siva hadn't been with them from the beginning. _If she had been; I'm sure she'd be more inclined to protect Lex from me_ she mused.

She'd been so distracted by Lex that she'd forgotten completely that she had to go past Jack's room to find this circuit box thing.

_Damn_ she thought, slowing her walk so that her foot falls were quieter. Even though she had agreed with Jack that they would be friends, she had gone out of her way to actively avoid him since they had almost kissed.

She just could not get her head around it. First of all; it was Jack! Granted, he was kind of hot now; but it was still Jack and she just couldn't reconcile with the fact that she had been attracted to him. More than attracted even; and she had wanted to kiss him. She had wanted all of him.

_Ugh, I will not think about this now. _

She tiptoed down the corridor. There was still light coming from Jack's room; of course he was the only one of them who was still using car batteries to power everything he needed. The rest of them were too stubbornly replying on their failing power to care about Jack's alternatives. She held her breath as she neared the doorway to his room. If she was quiet, and kept to the shadows then she had a chance of sneaking by without being noticed.

As she neared his bedroom; she could hear the clicking sound of his fingers on his keyboard. She skirted around the door, quiet as she could, peeking in at him as she did so. She couldn't tell what he was working on but she could see that even as he was typing away on his computer, there were electrical wires sticking out of gizmos that littered his desk, as well as several dusty old books that he had across his lap. His glasses slipped down his nose as he looked from the computer screen down to his book. They fell into his book with a little thud. Jack, who had clearly been so immersed in his work, flinched at the sudden noise, looking at his glasses as though he hadn't the faintest idea where they had come from. His mouth formed a little 'O' of surprise.

Every intention of remaining hidden from his view flew out of the window as she burst out laughing at him. That made him flinch again in surprise; he whizzed around in his swivel chair to see where the noise had come from, all of his books crashing to the floor. She couldn't stop laughing.

'Oh haha, very funny.' He sighed with a smile on his face that she knew meant that he was happy to see her. He ran his hands tiredly through his hair. 'How long have you been standing there?'

That question wiped the smirk right off her face.

'Not long,' she said evasively. 'I came down to flip the power switch.'

He stooped to pick up his books; dropping them unceremoniously on his desk. 'Oh yeah, well, I'm trying to find a solution to that problem. ' He gestured to the weird contraptions on his desk. 'But I'm not having much luck.'

He looked so tired; his eyes looked as though he hadn't slept for a few days and his auburn hair had been left a ruffled mess in the wake of him constantly running his hands through it in frustration. It curled sweetly around his ears she noticed.

'Where is the circuit breaker?' she asked innocently. She knew where it was of course; but she really wanted to get him away from his desk. The poor guy probably hadn't even eaten or slept. From how she remembered Jack; he didn't lift his head up from a project until it was finished, even if it was days. He had to be reminded to sleep and eat... usually that role was filled by Ellie. But as she looked around and saw crumpled clothes, and used plates and cups, she could tell that Jack had been staying in his old workshop for some time. Probably since the night Ellie had kicked him out of her room.

'I thought you were avoiding me?' He smirked, looking directly at her.

And to think two seconds ago she'd felt sorry for him! She hated it when he answered a question with a question; it was beyond irritating. And she hated it even more when he asked her questions she didn't want to answer. He didn't beat around the bush that was for sure; if he wanted to know something, he asked, with no preamble. It was a trait of his that she didn't remember him having before he'd been taken by the Technos.

She narrowed her eyes at him, annoyed that he couldn't just act like he hadn't noticed her avoidance, like a _normal_ person would have.

'I am here, talking to you, am I not?' she snarked, rolling her eyes.

He just laughed, irritating her further, and swept past her out of the door. He was quite tall, she realised, much taller than her. 'The circuit breaker is this way.'

For a second, she was stubbornly going to refuse to let him show her were it was. He quirked an amused eyebrow at her hesitation. Then she decided letting him have the satisfaction of having pissed her off would be worse than letting him show her where the stupid switch was.

She regretted her attempt to get him away from his desk immediately. This was a mistake; there was no light outside of his room; only the light of the early evening streaming into the mall through the high windows. It was intimate. She had to walk close to him to keep sight of him in the low light. She was so close she could hear him breathing, and she could feel the warmth of his body next to hers. Images of his lips so close to hers were flooding her mind. She tried not to think about it; biting her lip.

'So how are you?' he asked kindly, falling into step with her, having adapted his usual long stride to match one that her much shorter legs could manage.

She blinked in surprise. He was so weird. Just a few weeks ago he had screamed at her for leaving him behind to be taken, and then a week after that; he had almost kissed her _despite_ the fact that he and Ellie had happily reconciled when he'd escaped and made it back. And now he wanted to chit-chat!

'I'm... fine.' She replied, not really knowing how to make small talk.

For so many years she hadn't had to bother having actual conversations with the Mallrats. Now she lived here it was totally different. Siva wouldn't even listen to any of her arguments for going back to the hotel; so that had been the end of that. Now she was stuck making new Mallrat friends.

It's not that it wasn't pleasant to have people not hate her for a change. But Ebony hadn't allowed herself to keep friends since the virus. There had been no point; they would only have betrayed her in the end. Or she would have betrayed them.

If people already thought you were mean and selfish then they would never expect any better from you. It made her nervous to think that she had allowed Mouse to see that she could be nice today; as there would probably come a time when Ebony wouldn't be so nice, and now she actually cared if that hurt Mouse's feelings.

Jack grinned at her and rolled his eyes at her response; like he thought it was funny that she was so socially inept.

'How are you?' she ventured. It seemed like the right thing to say after he had asked her.

'I'm fine' he imitated, smiling infuriatingly.

She would have scowled at him, but she could see his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Well if he wasn't going to tell her what was wrong with him, she would use his own methods against him.

'Why are you sleeping in your old room?' She asked bluntly.

She could see sadness in his eyes as he shrugged.

'We haven't really talked since that night she asked me to leave her alone.' He murmured quietly, as though admitting it out loud was painful for him.

'Oh,' was all she said.

There was nothing much she could say. It's not like she even knew Ellie... well certainly not well enough to comfort Jack on this situation he was in. From what she'd seen of Ellie she was actually quite callous; she'd left Jack for Luke after all, despite the fact that it had been Luke's tribe that had taken him away.

And besides all that; Ebony had been more than willing to kiss him on the night his girlfriend had kicked him out in her grief. It was a topic she very much didn't want to open up for discussion.

Jack stopped in front of her very suddenly and she bumped into the back of him in the dark. She had grab hold of his slim waist to stop herself from bouncing off him and falling over. She should have been annoyed; but she couldn't help but enjoy having him under her hands again.

'What are you-?' She hissed, only half-heartedly pretending to be annoyed, while not moving her hands from where they were.

Jack turned back to look at her quickly and there was a look on his face that she couldn't quite understand. He looked upset; but she had no idea what she'd done to upset him.

His hand shot out and he grabbed her arm in a tight grip, attempting to pull her back in the direction of his room. Ebony was shocked but she wasn't completely unprepared for his strength this time. She wrenched her hand out of his grip and glared at him.

Angrily rubbing the sore patch on her skin where he had grabbed her, she spun around and stalked off. Screw him; she knew where it was and she would find it herself. What the hell was wrong with him?

She heard him hiss 'No, Ebony!' right before she saw what he'd been trying to keep her from.

It should have been hard to make out in the dark; but she would have recognised the shape of him anywhere. The form of the person he had pushed passionately against the wall as he kissed her was also annoyingly familiar. Trudy. Jay was kissing Trudy. Well; that made a sickening amount of sense considering what she'd seen in the kitchen before.

She felt Jack's hands on her waist; trying to pull her away, but her eyes were glued to the horror that was unfolding before her. It was happening again. She couldn't believe it. How could she possibly stumble across him with another woman again! It was all so ridiculous that she couldn't help herself; a hysterical laugh bubbled inside of her throat and escaped loudly. Her eyes stung with tears but she was laughing; she couldn't stop.

Jay wrenched himself away from Trudy; his face a mirror of the day she'd seen him and Amber in the woods. Trudy was flushed; although Ebony didn't think that that was from being embarrassed. Trudy stood back; behind Jay. She was probably worried that Ebony was going to hurt her. The thought made Ebony laugh a little bit more.

Jack was still trying to pull her away; but it barely registered. Jay's eyes were wide and full of guilt and confusion.

'You just can't help yourself can you?' she laughed, incredulously. It made her sick that this still hurt.

'Ebony,' Jay's voice was low, as though he was approaching a dangerous animal.

'I don't care Jay. I don't care.' She breathed. She knew that he would know that she did; there were tears streaming down her face that she couldn't control, and she felt routed to the spot.

Jack, sensing that she couldn't, or wouldn't move, put his hand around hers and squeezed supportively. She leant into him gratefully.

'It just- I needed someone,' Jay tried to explain, walking slowly closer towards her. 'After Ved...' His voice caught on Ved's name, his voice thick with emotion. She could see the grief on his face. Her heart was breaking for him but it had been broken too many times _by_ him now for that to matter. 'I still love you Ebony.'

She saw Trudy's face fall at what Jay had said; she was stupid, just like Ebony had been stupid to believe him when he'd said that he loved her.

'You don't know what love means.' She whispered; breaking eye contact with those brown eyes she had loved so much. She just couldn't do this, with him, anymore.

'Ebony, what the hell have you been doing down here?' An irritated voice asked as someone moved down the corridor towards them in the darkness. 'They've been waiting for you to turn the power back on for twenty minutes!'

Amber strolled into the middle of the scene completely unaware of the situation. Her face dropped when she saw Jay's face, Ebony's tear filled eyes, and Trudy; readjusting her skirt.

'What have you done?' she whispered, looking at Jay in horror.

Jay seemed to sag under the combined weight of his guilt and Amber's accusing stare. As Ebony had been lead to believe from Siva, Amber had apologised to Jay for accusing him of being in on Bray's murder and all was perfect and happy between them again. From the way Amber was staring at Jay now; it was clear that Amber felt betrayed by him too.

'I'm sorry,' Jay whispered hoarsely, looking at his shoes, clearly emotionally wasted by having Ebony find him out again. 'I didn't mean- It doesn't mean anything.'

At that Trudy burst into tears and flounced off. Amber looked after her friend angrily. Jay didn't even notice that she'd gone.

'Perhaps if you are going to try it on with every female member of the Tribe Jay,' Amber snapped bitingly, 'you could learn to be a little more discrete about it.'

She looked at Ebony, with what looked like a look of sympathy. 'I will go and put the power back on,' she said softly to Ebony, who ignored her. 'Jack?'

Ebony felt Jack's arm move gently back around her waist. This time she allowed him to steer her away. She didn't even bother looking back at Jay. She could hear Amber shouting at him; but she couldn't make out what she was saying; her ears were ringing. Shock she supposed; but really, it shouldn't have come as such a shock.

Jack led her back to his workshop and pushed her down gently into his desk chair. He hadn't said anything to her; which was fine with her; she wasn't sure if she was up for the conversation.

Ugh Trudy! Of all people why they hell would it be Trudy? The thought of them together made her feel physically sick. By the dishevelled state of Trudy's clothing it was clear that whatever was going on between the pair had been going on for a while. That had been no tentative first kiss.

'What is wrong with him?' she exploded, surprising herself with the strength of her voice. 'Why does he have to be- What did _I_ do wrong?' her voice trailed off as she angrily contemplated the demise of her relationship.

Jack, who had been stood behind her, with one hand on her shoulder jumped a little at the sudden sound of her voice. He knelt in front of her so that their eyes could meet.

'Nothing. He is the one with the problem. ' He said, taking her hands.

She felt her eyes well up at his kindness and turned her body away from him. She couldn't take the sympathy in his eyes anymore.

'Ebony,' he murmured. She'd noticed that he didn't stutter anymore in the time that she'd spent with him in the last few weeks; but she had thought that a situation like this would have flustered him. Not at all, it would seem; his voice was as strong as the hand he still had on her shoulder. 'I'm sorry.'

Suddenly she was furious; not with Jay, or with Jack; but with herself. After everything, after he'd fooled around with another woman _again_; she was still so hurt. Even though he'd already broken her heart, and even though she'd never had any intention of forgiving him or giving their relationship another shot; somewhere deep down she'd believed him when he'd told her that despite everything; he still loved her. And she had naively believed that that had meant he wouldn't jump into bed with the very next woman who was nice to him. She had been a complete fool; and that made her feel worse than the sight of him with his hands all over Trudy. Worse still; Jack was sorry; Amber pitied her and Trudy thought that she stood a chance against her! When exactly did she get so pathetic?!

She shot out of the chair and out of Jack's reach. He almost stumbled back in surprise. He made to reach for her again, but she eyed him warningly. She felt like crying and crying; all she wanted was for him to hold her and tell her that it would be all right; like he had the last time they had talked. But she would not allow herself the luxury of appearing weak. Not anymore.

'Don't you dare feel sorry for me Jack! Jay is a creep and I couldn't care less that he was with Trudy tonight.' She hissed feeling her cheeks flush hotly with anger.

'Then why are you crying?' he asked her. His arms were folded across his chest and his face was a picture of patience. He was looking at her in a way that made her feel like she couldn't avoid his scrutiny.

'I'm not!' she screeched, jerking her hands angrily across her face to get rid of the offending tears. 'Just; shut up. This has got nothing to do with you!'

'It has everything to do with me!' he snapped, sounding angry for the first time. 'I had to stand there and watch you-' His mouth clamped shut; he'd clearly not meant to say that to her.

She blinked in shock, but said nothing; glaring at him stiffly. She wanted to know what he meant but she didn't want to have to ask him.

He took a deep breath, and looked up to meet her eyes. He was clearly struggling with himself; deciding what to say; or if he was going to say anything at all. She just looked at him and waited. After all of his annoyingly pointed questions, she wasn't going to make it easy for him.

He walked towards her without saying anything. She shuffled backwards; away from him. She was all too aware of how weak she was becoming when it came to pushing him away. After weeks of solid avoidance she'd ruined it all by not being able to resist poking her head into his workshop. He was quicker than her however; and caught her arms in his hands; halting her retreat.

'Jack,' she whispered warningly.

She caught his eyes with hers. She wished she hadn't. There was something in them that spelled danger; he was too close and she still wasn't pushing him away. He was looking at her intensely, so close that his breath tickled her lips.

'I'm angry with you.' He blurted; his nose nearly brushed against hers as he pulled her closer. She resisted, squaring her hands against his chest and keeping him at arms length.

'What the hell for?' she snapped. 'I'm the one who's having such a lousy evening!'

'_See_; you still care about him; even though he hurts you at every opportunity! That's why I'm angry with you!'

'Jack!' she sighed, frustrated. 'That's got nothing to do with you, and I don't want to talk about it anymore.' She pulled away from him; but he wouldn't let her go.

He reached up and ran his fingers gently across her cheek. Her heart stuttered and her breath caught. She flicked her eyes towards his lips and quickly, after telling herself off profusely, she looked back up to his eyes.

'I don't know _why_ Ebony, and I really, _really_ wish that I didn't want-' He broke off; his hand coming to a stop, resting on her collar bone.

He bit his lip; clearly frustrated. Ebony felt her face go warm as she imagined what it would feel like to bite his lips as he kissed her. He must have realised what she was thinking as soon as he saw her cheeks flush pink; he tilted his face closer to hers.

She could have this. She wanted it; the urge to press her lips against his and to taste his mouth was overwhelming. She couldn't control herself as her hands gave up their defences, stopping the pressure she'd been putting on his chest to keep him away from her. His hand was still at the base of her throat; his thumb tracing her jaw line. It wasn't helping her self control at all; her hands travelled up his chest and into the hair at the base of his neck. He made a wonderful breathy sound as she ran her fingers through his hair; and that was it; she pulled him too her.

And then the thought entered her head that she was just as bad as Jay and Amber and Trudy. Jack had a girlfriend; and she only wanted Jack because she was hurting, didn't she? As loose as her moral code was; even she couldn't do this to someone else, when it had hurt her so badly.

Just as his lips touched hers she jerked herself backward and pressed her hands firmly into his chest and pushed him away from her.

'Ellie.' Was all she said to him, her voice sounding far more breathless than she'd intended.

She didn't need to say anything else. The look of confusion on his face quickly turned to one of guilt. However she didn't miss the lingering look of longing for her that was shining in his eyes.

'I'm not-'she tried to catch her breath; her heart was thrumming like a hummingbirds. 'Don't make me be like Jay. I won't be the reason your relationship ends.'

He looked so guilty, and so sweet, that she had to fold her arms across her chest to get over the urge to drag him back over to her. He almost fell into his desk chair; his head dropping into his hands.

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't-' He muttered. His shoulders were hunched and she could see the lean muscles in his arms coiling with stress.

'I know.' She said, ignoring the feeling of disappointment in her stomach that she felt as he apologised, once again, for trying to kiss her.

'I don't know what's going on here Jack. But it's finished.' She whispered. She hadn't meant to say that, not really. But as the words left her mouth; she realised that this was the right thing.

His head shot up at that. He looked at her; devastated.

'No.' he whispered; his face was so distraught that she couldn't look at him. He had no right to look upset; there wasn't anything going on between them, not really. If he would just stop tempting her into wanting to kiss him then she wouldn't have to deal with this mess!

'Yes.' She snapped; making her voice hard, even though there was a lump in her throat that made her want to cry. 'This is stupid anyway. We have never even been friends! Just stay away from me.'

'No.' He said again, passionately and insistent. He made to move towards her again; but this time she was quicker. She strode quickly over to the door and walked out without a second glance. As soon as she was out of sight of the door; she began to run. She heard him calling her name but she didn't slow down.

_This is for the best_ she told herself as she ran for the fire escape that led all the way up to the roof. She couldn't go back to her room. Either Jay or Jack might come looking for her there. And if they didn't, her sister would; and she just knew she couldn't handle kind words from Siva right now.

She needed to be alone. She needed to think. She'd had two heartbreaking conversations tonight; both of which had made her cry and in both of which she'd decided to cut all ties with the man involved.

As she reached the roof; and gazed out upon the flickering city lights she couldn't, for the life of her, figure out which of them she was most upset about. And that was terrifying for her; because she knew that meant that she cared about them both.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey guys, just a short chapter from Jay's POV... because I had to... But It'll be a longer chapter next time, and I'll be going back to Ebony's POV.

Enjoy!

She hadn't been in her room. But that didn't matter; because he knew exactly where she would run to. He knew her well after all.

Jay had no idea what he would say; only that he had to try one last time to make it right with her. He'd hurt her again and he just... didn't know what to do with himself. He was a lowlife and he knew it. He had clung to Trudy because she'd offered comfort willingly; not the awkward abruptness of Amber or the irrefutable anger of Ebony. He hadn't cared for Trudy, at all; a fact he had full well known every single night when she took him into her bed. He was selfish and weak; and he didn't deserve anyone's forgiveness; least of all Ebony's. But he had to do what he could, this one last time.

He silently pushed open the fire door that led to the roof. A cool breeze lifted his hair from his face. He shivered slightly; not from the cold, but because she looked so beautiful sat on the corner of the roof in the silver moonlight. Her eyes were dark and her face was etched with sadness; she looked out across the city looking every bit like the warrior princess he'd met in the first days the Techno's took her City.

Before he'd even taken one step; he saw her shoulders tense. She knew. Of course she did.

'You have two seconds to leave; or one of us is going over the edge of this roof. I don't even care if it's me. _That's_ how much I can't even stand to look at you.'

True to her word she hadn't looked up at him while she'd threatened him.

He drew a deep breath. He had no choice; he had to at least try. He was selfish and because of that he couldn't handle that the last conversation they ever had would be the one they'd had tonight downstairs. 'You don't know what love means.' She'd whispered. He couldn't stop hearing it in his head.

She was wrong; he knew exactly what love meant. He felt the pain of it every single day as he caught glimpses of her around the Mall. Every time he heard her laughter in the cafe; knowing that she would never laugh for him again. Today, when he saw her walk up the stairs to the cafe with her hand in Mouse's; he ached for the child they could have had. It wasn't that he didn't know what it meant to love at all; he just... he was stupid and selfish and he didn't know how to be truly good to her. He'd never loved anyone like he loved her; and he didn't know how to be worthy of her. He guessed now; considering the way he'd behaved, he never would be.

'Fine don't look,' he said calmly, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the doorway. 'But we have to talk.'

'Well,' she snapped, her voice dripping with sarcasm, 'Why don't you stay up here and have that talk with yourself.'

She swiftly got to her feet and made her way over to the doorway. He'd always been faster than her; and he'd anticipated this. She marched past him and wrenched on the door handle; it didn't budge. She pulled again, and again.

'Looking for that?' he asked, nodding towards the cinderblock that usually kept the door open; several feet from where it usually sat in the doorway. The locking mechanism had rusted shut and was now useless. Once the door was shut it could only be opened from the inside.

She glared at the cinderblock furiously. Without saying anything she stalked over to him and slapped him across the face. Hard.

He swallowed the blood in his mouth and raised his eyes back to hers. She was indeed furious with him for locking her up here; he could see it in the set lines of her frowning mouth and the redness of her flushed cheeks _and_ he'd been smug; with Ebony that was never a good idea. But that slap had been for more than just his latest crime; the tears in her eyes attested to that. And so he took the blow; even nodding slightly as though confirming with her that he deserved it.

Her chest heaved angrily with deep breaths and she clenched her fists tightly. She glared at him for another second and then stalked away from him; standing as far away from him as she could get without jumping off the roof. He did hope she had been bluffing about throwing herself off just to get away from him.

'So that's your master plan is it?' she muttered snappishly, 'You're going to hold me hostage up here until I talk to you? I'll freeze to death before you and I have a civilised conversation.' She rubbed her hands across her bare arms, trying to warm them.

'I told someone I was coming up here. They will come and open the door at some point.' He replied levelly, careful not to give away that he didn't have long before that happened.

She snorted in irritation; but didn't respond. _I hope she's not really going to commit to not talking to me_.

'What happened with Trudy-' he tried to explain.

She whipped her face around to face him; her eyes sparkling with anger.

'Don't!' she demanded, interrupting him with absolute venom in her voice. 'I don't want to hear it.'

'I need to explain.' He insisted, taking a step towards her. Her stare was hard but she didn't flinch back away from him. She didn't have much roof left anyway; she'd already gone almost as far as she could go.

'What you need is not my concern.' Her voice held no warmth. She'd begun pacing; like a caged tiger.

'But you are my concern Ebony and I-' He took another baby step in her direction. She didn't notice because she was too busy laughing sceptically at what he had said.

'Ohh right of course. Were you concerned for me when you were kissing Amber? Were you concerned every time you slept with Trudy? Don't take me for a fool Jay; you can't offer me sweet words and expect me to forgive you.'

She stopped pacing and glared at him openly. He was closer now; he could see the goose bumps raised on the skin of her arms; and that she was stubbornly ignoring that she was cold.

'I don't expect that. I just need you to know how sorry I am.' He murmured; unable to meet her angry stare.

'Sorry? Your apology means less than nothing.' Her face was so stoic it was unreadable.

'You don't understand!' he exclaimed desperately.

'You're god damn right I don't understand! What the hell is wrong with you huh? One woman just not enough?' She taunted him; a smirk on her beautiful mouth. 'Or was it just too much that I hated you; then Amber hated you... so you had to go looking in the gutter... for Trudy.' She smiled viciously.

'Trudy was there for me when no one else was! I lost my brother Ebony!' he snapped. He loved her; but she was being unfair.

'I know that Jay,' she said, he voice much softer and quiet than it had been before. She was looking at him for the first time without hate in her eyes.

'Then why didn't you come?' he asked. His voice broke and he felt his eyes burn. He'd held on to that for weeks. He'd thought she would come to him; even just to express her sympathies; but she hadn't.

'Don't you think I wanted to?!' she yelled at him; her hands were trembling, balled into fists at her sides.

That took him aback slightly. He hadn't expected her to give him anything but the cold shoulder. He certainly hadn't expected her to be honest with him. She already looked like she regretted saying anything. She was turning away from him; trying to hide herself.

He walked right up to her and grabbed her by the arms.

'Please; just talk to me.' He begged; massaging her arms softly, trying to warm her up.

He felt her muscles tense under his touch and her face was a mask of confusion, but for the first time since the forest; she didn't rip her herself from his grasp.

She shook her head; keeping her distance from him and not meeting his eyes.

'You know what would have happened. If I'd come to you after... I would have...' she trailed off, biting her lip angrily.

'You would have let me back in.' He nodded, finally understanding. She hadn't stayed away because she was being callous; she'd stayed away because she'd known that his grief would have forced her to forgive all of his sins. That was something he knew she couldn't allow; not after how much he had hurt her. 'You didn't come because you thought I didn't deserve your sympathy after what I'd done.' He finished what she had left unsaid.

'You know how much I loved you!' She shouted at him, her eyes were ablaze. She was clearly furious at him; and glad for a chance to finally be able to yell at him.

That was the last thing he wanted to hear. Yes, he knew. Not that it mattered anymore after what he'd done.

'You know how much I _love_ you.' He whispered back. He tightened his grip on her arms, wanting desperately to pull her to him and hold her.

She shook her head and shoved him away in disgust.

'I know you don't believe that,' he sighed, 'But it's true anyway.'

'And Trudy?' she asked. A bitter, hard edge in her voice as she said Trudy's name.

'I don't... I don't feel anything for her. I've treated her terribly; used her because I needed someone. She has feelings for me, I think, but I just...' He looked right into her eyes. 'It's you Ebony. It will always be you.'

She looked, for a second like she wanted to believe him. Her eyes were wide and the anger had temporarily drained from her face. But then he saw her clench her jaw and look away crossly. He knew Ebony, and he knew that she wouldn't ever put herself in a position where he could hurt her again; no matter if he truly loved her or not.

'And _Amber_? Do you have feelings for her?' she sneered. Whatever ground he may have gained was vastly slipping away from him as she recounted his wicked deeds.

'Ebony, I... It was complicated with Amber I-'

She scoffed in revulsion; and stalked over to the other side of the roof. The look on her face was not dissimilar to the one she'd warn earlier when she'd seen him with Trudy. Like she didn't even care enough to feel disappointment in him anymore.

'You're unbelievable!' she mocked, whirling around to accuse him. 'Do you honestly think its ok for you to go around leading on all these women? I'm not the only one you've hurt Jay! Amber, God as much as I hate her, I can tell that she loves you too. And Trudy! Well: you can see that she's obsessed with you from space! You can't possibly be oblivious to what you are doing Jay!'

Was he? He didn't know; he'd never really sat and rationalised his actions before. What had happened with Amber had been a mistake; he _had_ had feelings for her, but they didn't come close to how he felt about Ebony. And then he'd gotten with Trudy; who he was fond of, but she couldn't come close to the feelings he'd had for Amber, never mind Ebony. He'd just... not really thought about what he was doing.

'I'm sorry,' he murmured, guilt spreading through him like ice in his veins. He had left a wake of destruction behind him and not even realised it.

'That's not good enough Jay.' She snapped. But she didn't say it in anger; it sounded more like she was giving up on him.

He knew right then that it was over.

The look on her beautiful face had changed. Ever since their separation in the woods; he'd still been able to see, that even underneath all the betrayal and all the pain, that she still loved him. He couldn't see that anymore. What had happened tonight with Trudy had been a step too far; the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. He knew now; from the emptiness in her eyes that nothing he could say would make any difference. His heart sank and he felt sick.

'So that's it then?' he asked her quietly. He could barely make his mouth form the words. He'd held out for so long that eventually she would come back to him. And he had no one to blame but himself; no one had forced him to hurt her; no one had forced him to be such a coward.

_Mea culpa; mea maxima cupla _he thought grimly.

It was a Latin phrase that his granddad used to say from time to time; it meant 'my fault; my most grievous fault.' It had never meant much to Jay before today; other than being a fond memory of his odd old grandpa. But now it rolled around in his head; echoing through him until he wanted to curl in a ball to protect himself from the pain of it. It was his fault. He had done this to himself.

'Of course that's it.' She replied stiffly. 'What did you think would happen?'

He'd thought she would forgive him eventually; that they were meant to be together. He kept his mouth shut however. He didn't need to reply to that; she already knew the answer.

He dropped onto the ledge of the roof; his knees giving way as he sat; his head dropped into his hands. He couldn't bear to look at her now; the moonlight shone in her blond hair and her lips looks dark and dangerous; she was love and light and blazing passion, and she would never again be his.

He sat there for several minutes in silence; his hands over his face in despair. He was desperately fighting against the pressure in his throat. He knew that he didn't deserve the chance to sit there and cry; not after he'd caused her so much more pain. She didn't say anything to him; he guessed that there was nothing _to_ say.

He raised his head from his hands. She'd not moved from where she'd been standing. Her arms were folded around her body tightly as though she was trying to hold herself together. He could see she was biting her lip in frustration as she stared off across the city skyline. Perhaps she wasn't as comfortable letting their relationship go as he'd at first thought. Not that it made the slightest bit of difference; even if she was having trouble letting him go she would never admit it to him.

'Do you think,' he started his voice rough with suppressed emotion, 'that maybe, one day, we could be friends?'

'No!' she blurted out. She looked shocked by her own words; and she squirmed uncomfortably as his eyes went wide in surprise.

'Ebony-'

'No Jay! God; seeing you every day is going to be hard enough! You think that there's going to be a time when we can sit around talking about the weather?' she looked incredulous; like he really had asked a stupid question.

'Ebony, I can't leave this roof knowing that you're not going to be a part of my life anymore.' He sighed; wringing his hands.

'Well you're going to have to!' She snapped, annoyance flashing across her face. 'I _told_ you I would never forgive you. I meant what I said Jay.'

He tried to suck in a deep breath; he felt like he was being crushed by her angry stare.

'You betrayed me. It's as simple as that.' She said vehemently.

He guessed she was right.

'I'm sorry.' He whispered.

He didn't even think she had heard what he'd said until he heard her voice.

'I know.' She murmured back; looking at him softly for the first time in a long time.

But of course it wasn't enough. They were both silent for a long time. She even moved and sat next to him on the ledge; not close, but near enough that it still counted as sitting next to him.

'So what will you do now?' she asked bluntly, breaking the silence. 'Amber or Trudy?'

He felt his mouth drop open in surprise and his eyes go wide. He looked at her suspiciously; concerned as to why she would even ask that. There was no way to answer her question without her surely throwing him off the roof.

'What..?' he stuttered.

'Oh come on Jay,' she said, in a tone that was neither friendly nor angry; just curious; like she really wanted to know.

'Since when do you ask questions like that?' he asked.

He was hoping to avoid her question and where that conversation would lead, but he was also curious as to what had changed with her. Ebony was the master of manipulation; even when they were together she would never ask him anything outright. If she wanted to know how he felt about her or their relationship; she would usually ask him without making it seem like she was asking at all; she would trick him with her clever words into telling her what she wanted to know.

To his immense surprise; she blushed slightly at his question, a pretty pink spreading across her cheeks.

'Someone I know... just... asks what he wants to know. No manipulation, no beating around the bush... If he wants to know he just asks; straight out. It seems to work for him.' She murmured, looking down slightly as though she was embarrassed. 'I just wonder what you'll do now. I think we both know that you can't be alone.'

That stung a little bit. But after everything he supposed he couldn't expect her to be kind to him or to not make the occasional dig at his behaviour. What was he going to do now? All hopes of her ever coming back to him were dashed. He hadn't really contemplated his future beyond winning her back.

'I can be alone. I'd rather... after tonight...' he shrugged awkwardly.

She laughed; it was a beautiful sound. Unfortunately she was laughing at him.

'Sure Jay,' she said sarcastically; a smirk on her raspberry lips. She rolled her eyes.

He wished she would believe that he wanted her more than he wanted his next breath. He opened his mouth to tell her so; when the door swung open finally; the squeaking of the rusty hinges shattering the quiet night.

He saw a little head bob through the door; and step out into the moonlight.

'Mouse?' Ebony said incredulously.

'You're going to have to help me move the cinderblock; it's too heavy.' The little girl said in response.

Ebony shot up to help Mouse move the cinderblock. He thought he heard her mutter 'Little Judas' under her breath as she left the ledge.

He stood up and walked over to help but Ebony had shifted the block already and was looking sternly at Mouse. He hadn't heard what Ebony had said to Mouse but he heard Mouse's response.

'I _wasn't_ helping him trap you. He _told_ me he was going to say sorry to you. I thought you'd like that.' Mouse stuck out her bottom lip; totally put out by Ebony's behaviour. She folded her arms crossly and glared up at Ebony. Cleary Mouse thought that Ebony should appreciate what she had done for her.

Ebony's stern face lasted only seconds more before he saw the corners of her mouth twitch as though she wanted to smile.

'Fine,' she conceded, in an apologetic voice. 'Thank you Mouse.'

He saw Mouse's face brighten visibly; even in the relative dark of the rooftop. She turned to him; her little face tilted towards him.

'And did you do a good apology?' she asked him sternly. He didn't miss that she laced her fingers through Ebony's as she asked him her question.

He locked eyes with Ebony; so much passing between them in that instant. He looked back to Mouse.

'I did the best that I could.' He whispered honestly.

Mouse looked up to Ebony for confirmation. Ebony nodded; her face was sad. That was good enough for Mouse. She tugged on Ebony's hand.

'Will you take me to bed?' she asked.

He saw Ebony's eyes widen in surprise; and he saw a ghost of a smile grace her lips at Mouse's request.

'Where's Salene?' she asked the little girl softly.

'I told her I wanted you to do it.' Mouse said stubbornly; jutting her hand onto her hip.

Ebony laughed at that; her whole face lit up beautifully. He would try and remember this very part of the evening; the part where she had been truly happy. He doubted that he would ever get near enough to her to see it again.

He met her eyes again; just before Mouse tugged her towards the direction of the stairwell. There was a sadness in her eyes; and he hoped that that meant there was still a part of her heart that felt for him. That was something at least. She may never come back to him and they may have only spent a short time together; but at least he would always know that they had been meant to share what they'd had. That their love had been something special that had truly affected them both. He nodded silently; telling her that it was ok to go. It was ok with him if she turned around and walked away from him for good.

And she did. Blinking back her tears, she clenched Mouse's little hand tightly and allowed the little girl to pull her happily down the stairs.

'And what did Salene say?' he heard her ask Mouse in a soft voice as they disappeared from his view in the darkness of the stairwell.

'That I shouldn't talk to you.'

He heard Ebony and Mouse scoff at that simultaneously.

'So I pretended to go to bed. I knew I was coming up here to find you.'

Their voices were getting further away and even the sound of their footfalls on the metal steps was fading. The last thing he heard was Ebony saying to Mouse.

'I'm glad you came Mouse.'

He had to lean against the cold metal door for support; as the tears he had been fighting for hours, finally slipped down his cheeks.


End file.
